Stripper Mom

"Strippers" From Long Ago

2012-01-27T09:49:00.000-05:00

I love the photos on this blog: Exotic dancers of late XIX-th century.

“While in France they kept the can-can burlesque, in America developed all the subspecies of exotic dance performed by women: belly dance, dance on the table (the prototype strip) and other original productions. Each dancer had a pseudonym, and quite often a unique costume. Most of the photographs made in the last decade, the XIX-th century.”

The braveness and candidness of these photos are amazing for the time.

And look at those bodies—womanly and proud. Of course, a few of them look like they were suffering from the body image madness of their times with teeny-tiny waists.

I wonder what the next crazy body image demand will be…

Letters From Men Who Go To Strip Clubs

2012-01-26T13:28:00.001-05:00

This is an interesting project by journalist and blogger Susannah Breslin that’s making headlines in Salon and Time.

Breslin has added a new blog to her repertoire of “letters” from men. In “LETTERS FROM MEN WHO GO TO STRIP CLUBS,” she asks strip club customers: Why do you go to strip clubs? And then she posts their anonymous musings.

I was going to say, I have to admit, I’m surprised by the men’s well-thought answers. But then I realized, of course, there is only a certain type of strip club customer who would take the time to write an anonymous musing on why they go strip clubs.

We’re only going to see one very select view of the customers. The men who feel strip clubs calm some savage beast within them, or serve to satisfy some deep, psychological need.

The average guys who spend too many hours to count in their local clubs are too busy passing out dollar bills to pick up a pen.

Your Stripper is Overdue

2012-01-23T13:46:00.000-05:00

The Ottawa Sun reports that The Ottawa Public Library is piloting a program called the Human Library on Jan. 28.

“The library is partnering with the CBC and the Canadian War Museum to loan out people as ‘human books’.

“Real People. Real Conversations. Talk to people one-on-one about their diverse experiences.””

So you can check out all kinds of people for some conversation including: paramedic, firefighter, judge, hooker, and, of course, stripper.

I think it’s awesome that the program is offering such an eclectic offering of human books. It would be a shame if the only reads available were your typical job-fair or bring-your-parent-to-school type jobs.

Perhaps this is a way to legitimatize the work that all people do.

Man's Greatest Fantasy: Stripper With Heart of Gold!

2012-01-20T10:17:00.000-05:00

Screen Junkies highlights movies starring “Strippers with Hearts of Gold.”

I’m not sure if I agree with writer Gregory Wakeman that “Cinema has often looked to honor these characters...” though.

It seems more to me that Hollywood bigwigs like to make movies with strippers in them to draw in an audience. And then the studio heads are drawn to the scripts that fantasize strippers as not only totally hot, but also amazing humans.

That way, a man can fulfill his absolute desire—to have a woman who is sexually adventurous and also a real sweetheart and someone you would actually want to bring home to mom during the day. But once nighttime comes—watch out! She’s ripping off that bodice!

Seven-Year-Old Body Image

2012-01-18T13:17:00.001-05:00

Two different friends pointed me to this excellent piece by Janell Hoffmann “Mom, I’m Fat:” One Mother’s Inspired Response to Her 7 Year Old on Rachel Simmons’ website.

In the essay, Hoffman reacts just as I believe I would if my daughter said those words. She’d dumbfounded; she’s done everything right in raising her to love herself just the way she is. She tries to talk her way through the issue with her daughter but finally feels out of words.

That’s when she does what I have resorted to in similar type situations; she strips off her own clothing and makes up a silly song.

““We are perfect, just the way we are.” It’s wild and silly, but I cannot be stopped. We’re shaking everything, and she’s belly laughing and totally thrilled. I pick her up. We are a ridiculous and magnificent pair. The other kids hear the commotion and barge in. They are confused and horrified. I carry her to the bedroom raving about all the ways we are powerful and naked and women. We settle into comfy pajamas and read a story together. Fat is not mentioned again.

On this night, I have no idea if I have succeeded. I’m not sure if what I said and did had an impact, if I fixed anything, or even if I changed her mind. But I do know that I must continue to infuse myself and my children with bold confidence. I must check in, ask questions, take the time. I must build and undo. I must be open and genuine. I must but willing to dance naked in the mirror, resist the urge to see all the ways five babies have changed me, and stare straight into my reflection with love. Then together, with a twinkle in our eyes, we only see radiance shining back.”

To me, this is what we must do as mothers of girls. We must improvise and respond to the situations presented to us. We must be honest and open. We must be willing to strip down our own inhibitions about our imperfect bodies and learn how to embrace ourselves as we teach our daughters to do the same.

Does the World Really Need a Stripper "Reality" Show?

2012-01-17T21:49:00.000-05:00

Madame Noire’s Editor expresses her feelings about the possibility of a new reality show coming to VH1 about the Miami strip club King of Diamonds—to summarize, she’s not looking forward to it.

A dancer there, Blac China, who appeared in the rapper Tyga’s video for “Rack City” may be the star of the show.

“And if the show will be anything like the “Rack City” video, which features some exotic dancing entertainment, you’ll be subjected to a whole lot of booty shots, pole twirling and thirsty (I’m talking DEHYDRATED) guys going gaga at the club.”

The Editor points out that she has nothing against the ladies working there, but she doesn’t see any good of bringing this show to television. And I would have to agree.

I’m not against strippers stripping obviously, but if this just becomes the next new reality show to go mainstream I think we’re heading down a bumpy road.

I mean, what age women watch VH1?

I’m sure there’s going to be a whole lot of the glamorization of stripping presented without a hefty dose of the reality behind the dancers’ lives. Except of course when it leads to drama and catfights and all those other stripper stereotypes you can think of.

I fear that the show will be edited to convince people that all the stereotypes they have about strippers are true.

I’ve got news for you world—they’re not.

A New Low--Stripper Fighting

2012-01-13T21:10:00.000-05:00

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I find this news bit on TMZ disturbing—Lil’ Wayne happily watched a new “sport,” otherwise known as stripper fighting.

At the Miami club King of Diamonds he lounged ringside as two supposed strippers punched each other. Then he awarded the winner $1,000 in singles.

Is this really what people find entertaining?

What ABout Us Average Women?

2012-01-13T10:42:00.000-05:00

The Daily Mail’s Tamara Abraham reports on an article in PLUS Model Magazine that claims “Most runway models meet the BMI criteria for anorexia.”

“A magazine dedicated to plus-size fashion and models has sparked controversy with a feature claiming that most runway models meet the Body Mass Index criteria for anorexia.

Accompanied by a bold shoot that sees a nude plus-size model posing alongside a skinny 'straight-size' model, PLUS Model Magazine says it aims to encourage plus-size consumers to pressure retailers to better cater to them, and stop promoting a skinny ideal.”

I applaud the magazine’s photo shoot that spotlights size 12 model Katya Zharkova, 28, with a “regular” size model to show the discrepancy in their bodies.

The photos are accompanied by remarks made about women and body image, such as “Twenty years ago the average fashion model weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today, she weighs 23% less.”

The expose does a great job of highlighting what an extreme there is between a “regular” model and a “plus size” model.

What this experiment on body image seems to bring to light for me is that we are missing most in the media is the middle ground.

We need to see more average-size women, not just skinny or curvy—what about the mass majority of women who just fall into that middle zone? What should we be called? “Average” models?

Why can’t we just see a mix of ALL sizes in magazines? Why does it have to be skinny or plump?

We will have achieved success in body image when we open a magazine and see photos of all sizes of women mixed together in a normal fashion magazine rather than women being separated into categories of this and that extreme.

How can we put more pressure onto fashion magazines and media to more accurately represent the full array of women’s beauty?

Breast Cancer Awareness

2012-01-11T10:56:00.000-05:00

Giuliana Rancic has become a poster child for breast cancer awareness since being diagnosed this past year. She was very candid with letting her television audience know what was going on.

She made the decision to have a double mastectomy for the one percent chance that the cancer might return. And then she returned to work two weeks later.

A piece in the Huff Post quotes Giuliana Rancic at the Television Critics Association press tour: "I don't give two shits about my breasts. I didn't care that at the Golden Globes, I wouldn't be able to show cleavage.”

I’m glad Rancic is being so open about discussing her situation. She stands in a position to help other women make a difficult decision.

I’ve often look back and wondered if my mother had had a mastectomy when she was first diagnosed if she would still be here with us today.

I’d much rather be alive and breastless than the alternative.

How do you think you would face a breast cancer diagnosis?

Our Pasts Follow Us

2012-01-09T12:07:00.000-05:00

Another example of a teacher being penalized for her past—Pumps Magazine reports that former New York City teacher Melissa Petro, was forced to resign because of her past employment choices.

Apparently, Petro worked not only as a stripper, but also as a prostitute, but she quit long before she started teaching.

Now Petro will be appearing in Penthouse’s February issue in a spread with the clichéd naughty school teacher theme.

Petro supposedly feels good about reverting back to her old line of work: “A part of me likes being exposed — the more exposed the better.”

What is it about our culture that makes people want to expose so much? Do we all want to be seen so badly that we look for ways to get ourselves out there no matter what?

And is my becoming a writer just another way to expose myself? Just now with words instead of clothes?

Can You Spell E-x-h-i-b-i-t-i-o-n-i-s-t?!

2012-01-06T21:29:00.001-05:00

John Semley from AV Club Toronto exposes the latest stripping niche—spelling and stripping!

I give you the Toronto Strip Spelling Bee created by Montreal author Sherwin Sullivan Tjia.

This competitive event that happens whenever the author feels like it sounds like an event I could really get behind (a little tushie joke there!). It’s such an interesting mix of sexy and smart.

Tija explains in the interview that some of the people who attend are exhibitionists, but there are others who just need a little prodding to have fun. And it’s all in good sport—people only strip down to their underwear.

I love the concept of nudging people into fun. This is how Tija describes it:

“What I’ve discovered is that there are people that want to show their bodies to the world. But if you ever told them to do a striptease, they would say, “No.” They’d feel vain, or that people would judge them. But within the framework of a spelling bee, where you’re forced to do this when you get a word wrong, but they’re also orchestrating it—it’s like ... I went to art school because I didn’t have the discipline to be self-propelling at the time. Sometimes you need people to crack the whip, to get you to do the things you really want to do.”

And my favorite part? Usually when the still-clothed winner comes to collect their trophy, they usually strip down anyway.

Gap Kids' Booty Shorts!

2012-01-06T11:13:00.001-05:00

I learned about theses sequined shorts available now at Gap Kids from Jezebel.

It’s so fascinating to troll comments on subjects like this because I know what I’m going to see before I even begin scrolling through.

I know there are going to be the moms who are outraged at the inappropriateness and other moms who are going to be like—Oh! How cute!

There are going to be those who shout in all caps—HOW DARE GAP DRESS OUR LITTLE GIRLS LIKE STRIPPERS?!

And don’t forget the requisite practical—It’s all just marketing; the head honchos translating grown-up clothes into mini-versions for kids.

So where does the average, level-headed mom fall?
Well, if that mom is me, which I’m not sure she is, I would say what I notice is all my forty-year-old woman baggage coming up.

The first thing that jumped out to me was the owl shirt the shorts are teamed up with along with the tag line—sequins are a hoot!

My mind went immediately to the restaurant Hooters! But, trust me, that’s my mind, not where my daughter’s mind would go.

She would just be like—Oh! Pretty! Sequined shorts and an owl shirt!

And I guess I’d fall into the middle-zone on this. How short are they? With tights they’d probably be cute and fine. But, no, I’m not rushing out to buy these for my daughter, but do I feel there’s some evil plan out there by the Gap executives to over-sexualize my daughter? Nah—probably not.

They’re probably just marketing what they think will sell. And little girls like sequins—not dressing like strippers.

Would you let your daughter wear sequined short-shorts?

Huffington Post Blogging!

2012-01-04T09:17:00.002-05:00

I'm happy to announce that I'll be blogging for The Huffington Post!

Check out my blogger page, become a fan, and please post comments on my blog!

Thanks everyone!

More Women Considering Stripping in Down Economy

2012-01-02T11:34:00.001-05:00

The Huffington Post UK’s Lucy Sherriff asks how far someone might go to find a job in Student Jobs Over Christmas: From Hamley's Elf To Stripper.

She spoke to two college students who took very different job routes over the holidays—one paying minimum wage as an elf and one paying lots of cold, hard cash for dancing in her skivvies.

Hannah, the 19-year-old student from Sheffield University, who started stripping, is making £400-£500 a night.

Is it any surprise that there are going to be many young women who turn to stripping when faced with this financial dilemma?

The concern becomes when stripping is something that they really don’t feel comfortable with, as Hannah expressed.

"I would hate for anyone to find out as I am quite ashamed - and it would ruin any chance of having a respectable career in the future. But I just can't afford to turn down that much money."

Before strapping on stilettos and pole dancing, women need to consider all the possible risks involved by examining their motivations and morals for the job.

Stripper Millionaires--Not!

2011-12-30T21:03:00.000-05:00

The New York Post’s December 11th article by Eric Torbenson and Annie Karni—Shaking that moneymaker for 10 grand a night: Jiggle joint’s millionaire strippers share their naughty $ecrets—is pretty disappointing.

First of all, none of the strippers mentioned are “millionaires” by any means, so they stick that in the title and just perpetuate the myth of the uber-wealthy high-class gentlemen’s club stripper.

One stripper, Tali, explains how she made $10,000 from a guy because she told him her his name. And that he just wanted to talk about his troubled marriage.

But from what I’ve experienced, I kind of question Tali saying, “He wanted to know what I thought from a woman’s point of view.”

The thing is that strip club customers don’t think of strippers as “women” per se. It’s more like strippers represent pretty sounding boards that men want to reflect back what they already think.

I remember men talking about what shrews their wives were, like I’d totally get it because I was a stripper and hence must be really “cool” with men being chauvinistic pigs.

If I ever questioned them on their complaints (yes, I know that ruined my tips, but sometimes you’ve got to speak up, even in a strip club), they looked at me like, oh my god, she’s one of them! (“Them” being real women.)

And second of all, what “naughty secrets”?

Is it really any surprise to non-strip club customers that the strippers who make the most money are the ones who are “flirty and persuasive”? Not the ones who have the nicest bodies?

“It’s actually about having an appealing personality and spending your free time reading up on current events so you can engage men in conversation for hours while they fork over money because they feel a personal connection.”

Umm, yeah.

That’s what the serious customers are there for—the illusion that a pretty girl likes them. Just don’t break the illusion by questioning why their wives should have dinner on the table when they walk in the door—just trust me on that one.

Oh, the Drama of Breasts!

2011-12-30T19:00:00.000-05:00

The Orange County Register’s Jo Ashline reports on yet another breastfeeding debacle—Nascar driver bashes public breastfeeding, apologizes.

Nascar driver Kasey Kahne expressed himself through a tweet when he saw a mother breastfeeding in public:

"Just walking through supermarket. See a mom breast feeding little kid. Took second look because I was obviously seeing things. I wasn't! I don't feel like shopping anymore or eating."

His tweet did the obvious—offended many and also found supporters of breastfeeding being gross.

Ashline pointed out my beliefs in beautiful words:

“Many responded by pointing out that NASCAR has a reputation of exploiting breasts in campaign ads, and that female fans of the popular racing circuit often dress in a way that leaves little to the imagination, concluding that it's okay for a woman to flaunt her breasts in front of a man as long as they aren't being used for what they were intended: to feed and nurture a child.”

Kahne took to Twitter once again and tried to clean up his ignorance:

"I understand that my comments regarding breastfeeding posted on Twitter were offensive to some people. For that, I apologize. It was in no way my intention to offend any mother who chooses to breastfeed her child, or, for that matter, anyone who supports breast feeding children. I want to make that clear.

In all honestly, I was surprised by what I saw in a grocery store. I shared that reaction with my fans on Twitter. It obviously wasn't the correct approach, and, after reading your feedback, I now have a better understanding of why my posts upset some of you.

My comments were not directed at the mother's right to breastfeed. They were just a reaction to the location of that choice, and the fashion in which it was executed on that occasion.

I respect the mother's right to feed her child whenever and wherever she pleases."

Hmm…sounds mysteriously like some PR person jumped up and typed up a nice response for Kahne. Smoothed out the wrinkles. Tried to tone down any offense.

This all really makes me want to go out in public somewhere and nurse!

Nursing Mothers Unite!

2011-12-29T18:17:00.000-05:00

Perezitos applauds the national nurse-in at Target today thanks to a Texas mother who was asked to move to a fitting room when she was discreetly nursing at a local store.

Michelle Hickman vented on Facebook and a mission was begun. The nursing moms who visited over 100 stores across the country found the Target employees ready (and obviously prepped) for them.

All Target employees were friendly and welcoming, but that comes as no surprise. DO you really think they would risk offending a large market share? Not to mention it’s absolutely legal to nurse in public in 45 states!

What’s the most disturbing thing I’ve seen from the reports is that there were a bunch of people (seems like mostly men) who think nursing in public is gross.

Umm…hello?

These are probably the same men who think hooters on display in every other situation should be applauded. It seems some men want boobs to only be their sexual play things and displayed in ways that appeal to their sensibilities—what a shocker.

The Pole Position: Is Stripping for You? (And How to Stay Healthy Doing It)

2011-12-28T22:04:00.000-05:00

Good news—my Decision-Making Guide and Self-Discovery Journal that will help women to further value their own identities through their quest to understand their motivations for stripping is now available through Smashwords.

You can view a free sample or purchase an e-book version of The Pole Position: Is Stripping for You? (And How to Stay Healthy Doing It) in just about any format you can dream of.

For women interested in developing their own life narratives, they will explore how writing their lives and discovering their selves is all part of an ongoing process. The dots are connected between the bonds of body, beauty, and self with which modern women struggle, so that readers may be able to look to themselves for answers to questions of identity.

The print version will be available through Amazon soon!

Giving Birth in Black and White

2011-12-28T13:25:00.000-05:00

IVillage has an incredible photo of a baby being born.

The photo by Lynsey Stone, titled "I Love You Baby!" shows a mother and father birthing the baby and is an entry in the National Geographic Photo Contest 2011.

When I first saw the photo I thought it might be fake. It just looks so staged and the mother seems to be playing the part of a woman in labor as opposed to actually experiencing the birth.

I mean, did she hold the baby in while a stylist made sure there were no signs of sweat on her, no hair out of place, no blood or other birth-related real stuff in the shot?

Is this really beautiful or just another example of how we are letting the world into every aspect of our lives as long as it’s been prettied up?

Stripper Moms Paying the Bills

2011-12-27T16:29:00.000-05:00

The Huffington Post’s Emma Gray reports on Phone Sex Moms: In Tough Economic Times, More Mothers Turn To Sex Work.

Well, there are always going to be customers, so it makes sense that moms would get in on the money action.

“ABC News reported that over the last year and a half, as the recession has continued to take a toll on employment opportunities, the number of women who have young children engaging in sex work has risen 400 percent. This figure comes from ratracerebellion.com, an organization dedicated to finding mothers at-home work. The numbers seem a bit shocking, but then again, hasn't sex work always been considered a "recession-proof" occupation?”

There are lots of benefits to working at home for moms obviously, but I would think it might dampen a sexy talk if there was a baby crying in the background, unless of course, there was guy into that somewhere…

I think there are definitely women looking into this kind of work who might not have considered it during a better job market. It’s for that exact reason that I wrote The Pole Position: Is Stripping For You? (And How to Stay Healthy Doing It), which is soon to be released by Every Day Create.

In these uncertain economic times, one of the job possibilities young women (and even moms!) may be curious about is stripping, even though they may never have imagined themselves taking their clothes off for cash before. THE POLE POSITION answers technical, emotional, financial, and moral questions to reveal the truth behind the fiction.

•Are high-end Gentlemen’s Clubs in the city as glamorous as I’ve heard?

• Will my local dive-club be dangerous and demeaning?

• Will I be expected to perform “extras” for the managers?

• Is leaving the stripping world as difficult as some say?

• Am I prepared for the difficulties involved?

• How do I really feel about stripping?

THE POLE POSITION: Is Stripping for You? (And How to Stay Healthy Doing It) is a Decision-Making Guide and Self-Discovery Journal that will help women to further value their own identities through their quest to understand their motivations for stripping. For women interested in developing their own life narratives, they will explore how writing their lives and discovering their selves is all part of an ongoing process. The dots are connected between the bonds of body, beauty, and self with which all modern women struggle, so that readers may be able to look to themselves for answers to questions of identity.

Each of the 9 chapters is followed by ten questions for review with space to journal answers, which will help women explore their motivations, strengths, and possible weaknesses for survival in the business.

I wonder what other moms’ opinions are about this. How would you feel if you found out your mom friend was making money talking dirty late at night? Or even stripping?

Children in the News

2011-12-23T13:42:00.000-05:00

When I see a story like this one on Yahoo, it just makes my mind wobble in shock.

A school has been accused of putting a 9-year-old autistic student in a duffel-like bag as punishment for acting out. The drawstring was pulled tight, alleges his mother, who came upon the scene when she was called to the school.

“At a meeting with school district officials, the bag was described as a "therapy bag," Baker said, though she wasn't clear exactly what that meant. She said her son would sometimes be asked to roll over a bag filled with balls as a form of therapy, but she didn't know her son was being placed in the bag. She said school officials told her it was not the first time they had put him in the bag.”

How could anyone, especially educators, ever put a child into a bag?

This has eerie similarities to the story yesterday about a Chicago father who posted a photo on Facebook of his daughter bound and gagged with duct tape.

Trust me, I know when a child misbehaves there’s a great urge to make them stop. And I’ve been on the edge of sanity sometimes and not known what to do. But help me here, there aren’t really people who think any of this is an okay practice, are there?

I think we’d all agree on the duct tape being so wrong that it’s even frightening to look at the photo. But a school that places autistic children in bags? This can’t be an acceptable practice in anyone’s mind.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little...What?!

2011-12-20T14:37:00.000-05:00

The Telegraph is reporting that kids have been banned from making a “star” sign with their hands while singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star because the gesture resembles sign language for vagina and they don’t want anyone to be offended.

One mom said: "It seems a little politically correct. These are innocent little children just making a sign to show a star. No-one would give it a second thought. Now every parent may worry their child may be making an offensive gesture when they're singing this song."

Okay, my big question…why is the word vagina “an offensive gesture”? It’s just a vagina. It’s a body part.

If a sign language user actually saw these kids making little star-like shapes with their hands that in some way resembled the sign for vagina, I think they might think it was kind of cute and funny, but offensive? Hardly.

My daughter at brunch with friends a few weeks ago was showing that she had a kitty scratch on her middle finger. Were my friends offended? No. Amused at her innocence? Yes.

Moving on…

First a Stripper, Next...a Murderer!

2011-12-16T10:18:00.001-05:00

KOMO News reports that “A judge in Anchorage has dismissed a murder indictment against Mechele Linehan, who was accused of conspiring to kill her former fiance. Linehan, a former Anchorage stripper who eventually settled in Olympia was convicted in 2007 of killing Kent Leppink, who was shot on an isolated trail 11 years earlier.”

My big question is why does every article related to this story have to point out that Linehan had been a stripper?

It’s like a woman’s past, even if it has nothing to do with her present, needs to be dragged up every time she is mentioned. In this particular case, are we supposed to make some kind of association between strippers and murderers? Like, well, she was a stripper, so you know, that kind of explains it all—she’s immoral, so…she’s a murderer!

It’s not a big jump to make, right? A woman who will take off her clothes for a living will have no problem also arranging a murder.

Watch out folks…I’m on the loose!

Margaret Cho Rocks It!

2011-12-15T12:28:00.000-05:00

I love how Margaret Cho can just cut through the crap and get to the heart of a thing.

On her blog today she talks about the whole Lindsay Marilyn Monroe Playboy spread.

While she puts Lindsay in her place with humor regarding the $5,000 purse, and $10,000 cash in said purse, she takes an interesting approach to the photo shoot.

“The sadness I feel about Lindsay has more to do with the media’s casting of her as Marilyn Monroe, swaddled in red velvet, sad eyes and vermillion lips, and a framing of her story as if it has already ended. These magazines constantly show her as if she is already dead and I feel scared and freaked out and mad like why can’t they just give this kid a fucking chance?”

For some reason our society still loves to cast women as the ultimate sex-bomb victim, as if that role is the highest honor to bestow upon a woman.

Why can’t we have iconic sexy female figures in glasses and studying literature?

Why can’t we honor a woman’s sensuality in some other form than bikini model, tragic sex icon, or waif?

Say It Loud and Proud...Vagina!

2011-12-14T13:23:00.000-05:00

I’m sorry I’m just finding the article Sperm Trumps Vagina. WTF? by Dr. Lissa Rankin now; it’s awesome!

She totally captures how I feel about the old double-standard of how it’s okay to talk about penises, but not vaginas

I remember a few years ago, when my step-nephew reached his hand down to his wet swim trunks and exclaimed, “I touched my penis!”

Have you ever heard a 4-year-old girl be this proud to announce to the world that she touched her genitals?

I don’t even remember my mom ever naming my vagina for me. It was referred to as “down there” or that place where I pee from. I remember describing it once to my mom as the front of my bottom.

When I had a daughter I decided I would never be afraid to speak up about down there. I made sure to use the name vagina to get her used to it. Let her know it has a name. Vagina.

I mean we take the pride to name little girls’ other parts—knee, elbow, fingers, toes. Why not—vagina?

This is your vagina. It’s where babies are born from.

Maybe one day she’ll reach in her pants and proudly say, “I touched my vulva.” And I will beam poolside.

Of course, I think cute names are okay, too. In everyday speak, we call the vagina the nina.

And I never squirm from explaining the answers to her questions. She already knows that she will one day get a period, too. And a week ago, she decided it was time to practice. So she put a panty liner in her panties for the night.

How can I expect my daughter to feel healthy and comfortable about her body if her mother doesn’t? I strive every day to find new ways to accept how I feel about my body. Every part of it.

To Strip Or Not To Strip

2011-12-13T14:47:00.003-05:00

Me, a few weeks before Tommy

Interesting piece by Ronnie Koenig, Baring the Belly: Why I posed nude while pregnant on Babble.

Koenig examines her feelings about her body throughout her life and determines that all women should pose nude while pregnant.

I won’t go so far as to suggest that—there are some women whom I’m sure are just fine without posing nude in their lifetimes. And, of course, Koenig is only speaking of a healthy, beautiful, loving experience with a qualified photographer.

I do kind of regret not having nudes of me while pregnant. It would be pretty cool to compare my body back when I was in perfect shape (but thought I was fat) with my blossoming belly (and thighs) of my pregnant body.

But I actually adored my body while pregnant. I wore tighter-fitting clothes and sexier outfits when I was pregnant. I felt freed from any perfect standards I forced myself into when not pregnant. It was quite exhilarating to dress trying to accent my belly rather than hide it.

Now that I’m no longer pregnant, I’m back to my old ways. Wearing loose-fitting jeans and shirts and doing my best to cover myself up again.

Perhaps what moms should do is photograph themselves right after giving birth. I did this just because I knew my belly would have to get better eventually and I’d be able to look back and say, thank goodness.

Hmm, why would I want to save photos of my poor, wrinkly flesh after having been stretched to the limit for nine months and then suddenly deflated? Perhaps as evidence of all the sacrifices I made for my children.

Two weeks post-partum belly. My belly button totally popped out and it looked like a nose.

These are my war wounds; and I'm not ashamed.

Women Living Large

2011-12-09T13:23:00.001-05:00

I love Kristen Houghton’s, author of “And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness,” post on Huffington Post today: Weight: Why One Size Doesn't Fit All.

Houghton is clearly a Stripper Mom as she explains how she used to be the “fat girl,” but that it’s something that most people don’t know about her. She doesn’t go around announcing it to everyone she meets, but she sees that it does affect her today and she’s not ashamed to “admit” her past.

She was fortunate enough to meet an inspiring professor in college who helped her to embrace the body she had as she worked on creating a new relationship to herself; it is through that process that she ended up losing the excess weight.

It definitely seems like times are changing for women when I look around. There obviously is still a bias toward slender women in the media, but I think there’s change brewing.

Ah…I foresee a world where women can live as themselves, being just who they are, looking the way they look, and feeling good about themselves.

We won’t be afraid of our pasts, our presents, or our futures.

Christmas Wishes

2011-12-08T10:19:00.001-05:00

The Christmas spirit wants to fill me, wants to deck my halls, wants to skip through fields of Christmas trees.

And my children wouldn’t mind if the Christmas spirit paraded me through a toy store with credit card in hand.

But as most people are this year, we’re trying to reign in the joy, well, not the joy, but the spending.

The old age question arises, which would you rather have as a child? A bunch of small gifts or one big special thing that you really want?

I’m trying to find a happy medium—a special something that’s kind of spectacular and a bunch of cool, inexpensive doo-dads. That’s what I think I would have liked. There’s just something so spectacular about seeing a big old pile of shiny boxes under the tree in the morning.

We all want to know that our needs are going to be met.

And it’s just kind of cool when we discover that (sometimes, not always) our desires will be heard and met, too.

JWoww's Greatest Dream

2011-12-07T10:55:00.001-05:00

Gossip Cop quotes Jersey Shore’s JWoww on posing for Maxim magazine’s January 2012 issue as being “probably my highest accomplishment.”

My immediate reaction is of ridicule, but we have certain definitions of success that (hopefully) change a bit as we age, huh?

I remember when I was in my twenties that getting a part in a show or just imaging my big dreams of landing a part in a movie coming to fruition were my biggest aspirations.

It’s interesting what we see as being our highest accomplishments when we’re in our twenties, isn’t it?

It’s a bit sad that many women (the old me included) see appearing on a magazine cover in a bikini as our greatest achievement.

I know though that there are many women who do not need the hindsight of experience to realize there are many greater aspirations.

The question maybe should be, what can we do as a society to encourage women to hold greater dreams from their childhoods forward?

Are People Involved in Porn Inherently Bad?

2011-12-05T21:30:00.001-05:00

Perez Hilton reports on Perezitos about how an “Ex Gay Porn Actor Tried To Teach High School, But Fox News Put An End To That!”

This man, Kevin Hogan, who was in three gay porn films eventually moved on to another career—English teacher. And now that parents and the school has found out about his past, there is outrage.

Perez Hilton thinks it goes to him being gay, but I would strongly disagree with that. To me, it sounds like the problem is that he chose to be in porn at all. He is now on paid leave.

I want to know why what someone did in their past, which isn’t illegal, has any bearing on who they are today and what they are capable of. Even better, even if someone was involved in something illegal, why should that matter if they are a different person today?

I am proud of who I am today, but I refuse to hide my past. Yes, I was a stripper. Yes, there are photographs of me in the world.

But I am a good mom. And I am a good English teacher. But no, I was not born those things. It is my past that created the woman I am today.

Our pasts help define us, but do not have the final word. Who we are today is what matters; what we have created from our pasts and what we’ve decided to give to the world is what matters.

Multitasking Moms

2011-12-02T16:38:00.001-05:00

Joan Raymond in MSNBC’s Vitals’ Section looks at new research that shows moms are multitasking about ten hours more a week than dads and not so happy doing it.

“Moms are more likely to get stuck with labor-intensive housework or childcare activities, while dads generally multitask by talking to several people at once or performing self-care. Dads are also more involved in kids' recreational activities.”

This is something most moms I know are experiencing firsthand. I wouldn’t say it’s even anything the dads are meaning to do, in fact, most dads I know are extremely hands-on and involved in the household responsibilities But perhaps it’s true that the dads tend to focus on the more “fun” household tasks where the moms feel responsible for the nitty-gritty details like switching out too-small clothes for bigger ones, washing dishes, and making sure he diaper bag has everything needed in it before the family walks out the door.

“To help ease the strain, the authors suggest sharing the load by getting dad more involved in the mundane aspects of home and child care.”

How does your family handle the challenges of balancing out daily mundane household chores?

Celebrity Momster

2011-12-01T14:39:00.001-05:00

I started a new blog to gripe about celebrity moms at Celebrity Momster.

I am very liberal and all about letting everyone be themselves and do their thing, but there’s still this urge I have to point at others and say, oh my god!

And those people are often celebrity moms.

Sometimes it’s just fun to say, Suck It!

Ex-Porn Star Can Read!

2011-11-14T10:35:00.001-05:00

I’m not surprised that an ex-porn star, Sasha Grey, reading to children in a public school is being reacted to negatively.

What I am surprised about is that no one has shown any surprise that an ex-porn star can actually read! I mean, come on, anyone involved in the adult business must be illiterate, too, right?

The hypocrisy that this news bite shines light on seems to go completely unnoticed.

Why does it matter what this woman used to do for a living? She was invited because she’s a mainstream actress now. Why can’t we let go of people’s pasts?

And why is it such a big deal that she used to have sex on film? If you hadn’t noticed, people are having sex all over the world! Guess what? It’s what creates babies and you know, perpetuates the species and all.

How can we be so judgmental about how a person chooses to have sex when it isn’t harming anyone else?

The woman came and read to students in a classroom. She did not promote her former sex tapes. She did not have sex with the children.

She read books.

Get over it already.

We Learn From Others’ Strengths

2011-11-08T20:37:00.000-05:00

The truth that when we are feeling down we should look to others, give to others, has always resonated with me. Of course, it can be hard to look outside ourselves when we are in certain depressed states.

As a mother who can never take a day off, it can feel even harder and more unfair, even when we know we have it pretty good.

Karon Brown’s story was the inspiration I needed today. She is a former crack dealer, stripper, drug user and—a mother.

She has been through recovery more than once, but now finds herself in a good place. She is an addiction counselor and she is writing.

Every time a stripper or former stripper proves to do something positive with their lives, I glow a bit.

Every time the old stereotypes about strippers fall down for a moment, I sigh a happy moment of relief.

Stripper. Drug dealer. Druggie. You name it. Everyone’s got something in their past that others may look down on. But isn’t what matters what one thinks of oneself? And isn’t what will be remembered the good that we make of our entire lives, not just one moment?

Have a Stripperific Halloween!

2011-10-28T10:40:00.000-04:00

Is-halloween-too-scary-or-too-sexy

Since when is Halloween the opportunity for kids to let out their inner stripper?

Perhaps we lived in a different era back when I was a kid in the 70’s. There were no “Halloween” stores for buying premade costumes. Either your mom sewed together a sad-looking bunny costume for you or you took a sheet and cut out a few eye holes.

A quick walk through the Halloween store at the Westfield Shopping Center in Milford with my three children was more like a let’s-get-the-hell-out-of-this-sex-shop rampage.

There were aisles and aisles of slutty this and slutty that. Fishnet stockings, stripper stilettos, and every Slutty McSlutty outfit you could imagine. And the short skirts and suggestive attire was not kept to just the adult costumes—no, even the Strawberry Shortcake outfit for a girl had a certain cheesecake appeal to it.

Thank god my kids were more freaked out by the over-the-top grotesque and scary outfits to notice all the slut fierceness surrounding them.

Cole softly murmured, “Let’s get out of here; let’s get out of here…” and I was more than happy to oblige.

Since when does everybody want to pretend to be a stripper on Halloween? And why?

Minka Kelly's Stripper Mom and Archie Comics

2011-09-20T10:54:00.000-04:00

There are lots of recaps floating around the Internet this week about the actress Minka Kelly’s Las Vegas Stripper Mom.

The gist of her thoughts toward her “gorgeous” mother was that she wished she’d been more of a mom rather than a friend, but Kelly doesn’t seem to harbor any bad feelings about her mother having been an exotic dancer.

I’m hoping my daughter will be as easily forgiving. Of course, I’m not working as a stripper now, but as Genny is becoming more aware of the world around her, I know I will need to address the issue eventually.

She actually just discovered Archie comics a few weeks ago when I bought some at a tag sale. She’s already loving Betty and Veronica. I’m trying to remember what I made of all their boy-craziness when I began reading them as a girl. I think I was about her same age when I started.

Well, perhaps the Archies will be a good preview for her about how girls and boys can be silly sometimes. As far as I know, there aren’t any stripper moms in Archies though. Not so far at least.

Photo courtesy of Susie B of Freedigitalphotos.net.

Baby’s Growing Up

2011-09-07T10:32:00.000-04:00

I’ve been so busy that I’ve barely had time for blogging. Genny and Cole’s school has phase-in this week, but next week they’ll be back on their regular schedule.

Tomorrow is baby’s first birthday.

I’ve really been struck lately, meaning the last few months, how many amazing things are going on with my children. I keep wanting to record all the little changes, but the days keep getting away from me before I can save these mementos.

Like Cole is now speaking not only in sentences, but paragraphs. His favorite words are: actually, nope, and zoombah, as in: “I love you Mommy, zoombah.”

Genny is convinced I don’t love her, but I do like her. If I gave her chocolate every Wednesday though, then that would mean I love her.

And Thomas climbed up the entire flight of stairs before we realized it. He can walk holding on to the living room table.

And me? I’m trying to do too much as usual. Teach for two colleges, get my manuscript ready for publication, work on my other three or seven major writing projects, plan out the possibility of starting a small press.

And, oh yeah—get used to the fact that no matter what I seem to do, my stomach just wants to poof out like a mushroom. And remind myself that I shoudn’t care about something like that anymore.

Gape Seed: A Poetry Anthology

2011-08-24T10:21:00.000-04:00

I received my contributor copies of Gape Seed: A Poetry Anthology by Uphook Press.

My first book!

I have a poem titled "Leaving Me" included.

I'll let you know about upcoming readings.

If you'd like to purchase a signed copy, just let me know!

Excuse Me While I Have Sex, I Mean—Nurse My Baby…

2011-08-02T13:30:00.000-04:00

It’s the old double-standard, or is it?

After I read about James Hazell, a BBC radio host, comparing breastfeeding in public to him having sex with his wife in a restaurant, I had to look into what his comments were. I felt outraged if what I heard was true, that women shouldn’t be allowed to breastfeed in public because, just like sex, it’s something that should be done in private.

After reading this article, I feel his comments may have been taken slightly out of context. While it is true that he doesn’t feel comfortable with public nursing, his comment about sex was in response to a woman saying breastfeeding was: “the most natural thing in the world.”

While I agree, Hazell’s comment makes sense in context: “Next time you are out having a meal at a restaurant, on the basis that it [breastfeeding] is the most natural thing in the world, I will come in there with my wife and then make love right in front of you. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, and that is fine, but there are a lot of natural things we don’t do in public.”

Yes, Mr. Hazell, I see your point. The “it’s natural” argument could open the door for people doing many socially-unaccepted things in public (masturbation, picking one’s nose, farting loudly, etc.), but when it comes to breastfeeding, it’s about nourishing a child; it’s not about satisfying some personal compulsion or something that could be put on hold until later.

When a child is hungry, he or she needs to eat. When one feels like having sex, one can (hopefully) wait until a room becomes available.

Stripping Down

2011-06-20T11:56:00.000-04:00

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged here in awhile; I’ve been busy with my new blog Every Day Create.

I have great news though—my memoir Stripping Down is going to be published by Pink Fish Press.

I’ll give you more details soon!

A Stripper Mom at 48

2011-05-17T22:09:00.000-04:00

Danielle Staub: Good-Bye ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’, Hello Strip Club

Danielle, 48, has just signed a three-year contract with Scores Gentleman’s Club in NYC, TMZ reports, along with NSFW photos of Danielle on a stripper pole.

I’ve never seen the show The Real Housewives of New Jersey, but I’ve heard little flashes of it in the news.

I’m kind of impressed that Scores hired a 48-year-old mom as a stripper. Sure, they only did it for publicity sake, but still.

And I’m pretty amazed that Danielle Staub is confident enough to strip in Scores at 48-years-old.

I worked at Scores when it first opened. I was actually there on its opening day.

Scores is like the Cirque du Soleil of strip clubs—flashy, gimmicky, and full of people you kind of want to look at because they’re so beautiful and exotic, but kind of don’t want to look at because they’re so unreal-looking as to be a bit bizarre.

Perhaps Staub will fit right in.

Porn found in bin Laden hideout, officials say

2011-05-14T16:43:00.000-04:00

I have to admit I find it humorous to imagine US officials studying the porn found in Bin Laden’s hideout for secret messages.

The U.S. has found so much pornography in the possession of al-Qaida operatives during previous raids that it spurred investigations into whether porn photos were being used to send coded messages, a former U.S. counterterrorism official told NBC News.

It is moments such as these when I stop and wonder who is in possession of naked photos of me.

Could naked photos of me be carrying secret messages across enemy lines?

Nah, probably just being used for “artistic” purposes!

Every Day Create!

2011-05-02T14:16:00.000-04:00

I'm happy to launch my new website today: Every Day Create!

My life is so chaotic right now: 3 kids, teaching, writing.

I decided I need to create a goal to keep me centered every day.

I've had such good success this year with my commitment to work on my writing every day, so I figured, what if I applied that commitment to other areas? Like my well-being! It’s just as important.

I believe we have the power to create our lives, but I have a hard time living into that.

One of my life challenges has always been not feeling like I’m allowed to fully live, really be myself—because I’m a bit worried people will see the real me, and well, not like me.

What if no one likes me? So what?!

I give myself permission to create my self out loud!

I devote myself to creating that self I’ve always wanted to be—bold, outrageous, joyful, and fun!

I’ll give myself (and you, if you so choose to accept the challenge) goals each week to create something totally new and unique. We won’t be staying in out comfort zone.

Join me.

Create your own daily goal every day, or use mine, or just watch what unfolds in the background until you’re ready to join in.

Every morning I’ll shoot my vlog, make my daily intention known to you—get it out of my head and into the world.

I’ll report back to you in the evening by blog to let you know how I did on following through.

Share your creation goals, too. Either vlog it or blog it in the comments section of my vlog.

Or you can just ditto if you’re going to try my goal of the day. The important thing is that you put it out there so you have someone else besides yourself counying on you.

Be sure to check back in later to let us all know your progress.

So that’s the general idea for now. I’ll tweak things as we go.

But I don’t want to wait to get started anymore. I hold back on so many things because I always want things to be perfect.

No more! Time to grab life and begin.

Let’s do it! Every day create!

Madonna is to Strippers like Sprinkles Are to Ice Cream

2011-04-21T21:23:00.000-04:00

There's a short piece on Salon by Christine Macdonald today that really brought me back to the old days.

She's a former stripper turned writer and she talks about dancing to Madonna.

A part of me wants to shout out--What?! YOU strippeed to Madonna, too?! What a coincidence! I did, too!

And her descriptions are so dead-on. I danced to "Like a Prayer" also!

I vogued on stage, too!

And, I felt so cool and sexy doing it. Madonna really brings out your inner-stripper.

But most importantly, Macdonald's writing reminds me that I was not and am not the exception. There were and are a lot of other intelligent strippers (and ex-strippers, thank you very much) out there.

And you know what else? There are good people still in the world...

I saw a lady driving by our house this week, pull over, get out of her car, pick up a leaf basket that was blown into the road, and carry it up into a lawn. She paused, looked back at the road as if she were considering how windy it was, and then brought the basket further up into the lawn.

Then she got in her car and drove away.

I actually said out loud as she drove away, "You've restored my faith in humanity."

Smart strippers and considerate drivers. What a world!

Stripper Wisdom Graphic Memoir Excerpt

2011-04-20T09:30:00.000-04:00

I have an excerpt from a graphic memoir I'm working on in Xenith Magazine.

Check out "My Other Nudie Jobs: Nude Housekeeper!"

Jet Fuel Review Spring Issue

2011-04-19T14:32:00.000-04:00

I have a poem in Jet Fuel Review's premier issue.

Check it out here!

Prime Mincer

2011-04-16T16:27:00.000-04:00

I have a graphic memoir piece published in Prime Mincer's debut issue.

I received my contributor copies--it's a very well-done literary journal.

If you'd like to purchase, please click through my Amazon button!

Mom, 3 children die when van goes into Hudson River

2011-04-13T08:51:00.001-04:00

I know when I get overwhelmed with being a mother I sometimes feel like ending it all. My depression can bubble up and rage through me. I can feel like driving away and never coming back.

It can be a very scary feeling of being out of control. Fortunately for me, I have a supportive husband and other support systems in place. I know if I ever feel really crazed that there are people to turn to for help.

Unfortunately, for this mother, she was not able to find a way through her torment.

I don't know anything else besides what is in this article on MSNBC. There was a domestic dispute. Then she drove her car with her four children away, letting out the ten-year-old on the way to the river. He then ran to the fire station and alerted them to what their mother was doing.

What makes this story hit me even harder is that her three children that died were all right about the same ages as my children.

To think of their final moments is to imagine my own three children in a situation like that. I cry just imagining this.

I don't say this often, but my thoughts and prayers go out to this family, their friends, the whole town. Our whole world.

No one should ever have to feel so hopeless.

And before all the voices of, "Oh, what a horrible mother! How could she?!" start exploding--I'd just like to ask that we stop and imagine how deeply disturbed this poor woman must have been to have been able to commit this act.

My heart goes out to them all. May they rest in peace.

The Fertile Source

2011-03-17T14:11:00.001-04:00

Check out my poems at The Fertile Source, a literary ezine devoted to fertility-related topics.

At the end of the poems there's a link to an interview with me by Tania Pryputniewicz.

Enjoy!

New Stripper Mom

2011-03-08T10:43:00.000-05:00

Baby born outside Arlington strip club was first delivery for rescue crew

This is a delivery to remember.

Mom-to-be and Dad-to-be were zipping to a Texas hospital when they got pulled over for speeding. After the delay (and might I add, no police escort to the hospital) they got back on the road to head for the hospital.

Labor was progressing quickly and when they called 911, they were instructed to pull over into the nearest parking lot. That just so happened to be a Flashdancers strip club parking lot.
Hmm…there were NO other parking lots to choose from?

The father’s best coaching included this bit of wisdom:

“She kept saying, ‘The baby’s coming, the baby’s coming!’ And I was like, ‘No, it’s not, not unless you open your legs,’” Martinez said. “That was the line I kept getting teased about.”

Luckily, the paramedics arrived and delivered baby in the ambulance.

“Then we kind of breathed a big sigh of relief,” Wynn said, “and then I realized I had a lot of paperwork to do.”

My Other Nudie Jobs

2011-03-01T21:17:00.000-05:00

Check out my graphic memoir piece called "My Other Nudie Jobs: Cocktail Waitress," at Foliate Oak Literary Journal.

I was having a lot of fun working on these graphic memoir pieces, but the dining room table where I was working has now become a changing table for the baby.

Just another way my children prevent me from being creative!

I'm getting the itch to start writing some more though; baby may just have to get chnaged on the floor.

Breast Milk Ice Cream

2011-02-24T10:00:00.000-05:00

Nothing says yummy like breast milk ice cream.

According to The Examiner website there’s an ice cream shop serving up homemade ice cream infused with local women’s breast milk.

And what’s this flavor called? Why, Baby Gaga, of course.

I wonder if American ice cream parlors could get away with this. And would there be a market for it?

I suspect there are plenty who would line up for this icy treat.

Just as the customers slapped their five-dollar-bills down for a splash of breast milk in their drinks at The Hideaway strip club in Stamford twenty years ago. Yup, it was the old lactating-stripper-mother-squirts-milk-shots-into-your-glass trick.

That’s one thing I haven’t tried yet. Making money off my breast milk. I don’t think Thomas would approve.

Skating Lessons

2011-02-01T12:21:00.000-05:00

Genny and I had a girls’ day on Sunday. I hoped a little alone time might help us bond a little.

It’s unbelievable how many issues came up for me as I skated in slow ellipses.

First of all, Wonderland of Ice is where I used to go when I was a girl, so I was hyperaware of everything that’s changed and even more of what hasn’t changed over the decades.

I could see myself in the preteen girls huddled and giggling, more concerned about how they looked on the ice than whether they were having fun or not.

The music made me want to boogie, which of course got my hips shaking and made me self-conscious of my movements. Do I ice dance like a stripper?

I tried to keep my body from moving so as not to embarrass my daughter, but I think I did myself a disservice—as I often do in the name of public decency.

Why am I always so concerned about what others think of me? It’s not like I wanted to gyrate my hips, I just wanted to glide and shake. I’m afraid I’m bottling my sense of self because of worries of what others will think of me.

Genny was having a marvelous time as all these thoughts raced through my mind. Of course, she was doing ice-shuffling and I was unable to ever leave her side, so I really didn’t have the opportunity to let my body open up on the ice.

But I also thought of how much I do love to perform. Although I’ve never taken ice skating lessons, I have a sense of wanting to imitate the moves. I feel that I would be good with a few lessons.

I don’t want to do triple axles or anything, but I’d love to be able to turn a little, spin, glide, embellish with my arms.

And then here comes my inner critic again.

You’re too old. You’d embarrass yourself. Why start something new now? Who has the time? Why bother doing something if your aim is not to be the best?

I would love to have a hobby. My life just doesn’t afford me the time.

If I could, I’d love to take ice skating lessons. And I’d love to wear a cute little skating outfit with a skirt. I’d twirl and beam. Not for anyone else (honestly, I wouldn’t want anyone else to watch), but for the joy of dressing up, playing, and gliding to the rhythm my body so desperately wants to join.

Religion focus of custody fight involving former exotic dancer turned devout Jew

2011-01-27T19:06:00.000-05:00

Now there’s a headline I never thought I’d see: Religion focus of custody fight involving former exotic dancer turned devout Jew.
But as I read the article what I find most interesting is that there’s a question about this woman’s ability to raise her son since she was an exotic dancer, but there’s no issue about the father having been a strip club manager.

“The question here is who is the better decision-maker,” the father’s attorney, Joel Brodsky, said in his brief opening statements before Cook County Circuit Court Judge John Thomas Carr Wednesday. Brodsky said before the hearing that he intends to bring up Margolina’s days as an exotic dancer — and her subsequent conversion to devout Judaism — to show the court that she “tends toward extremes.”

Now if that isn’t a double standard, I don’t know what is.

Taking My Bra Off

2011-01-13T21:39:00.000-05:00

I just finished teaching my online writing class and realized how much I like teaching. I mean, it’s not like I just realized it, but I had one of those classes where I just have so much fun.

Even though I have a cold and a scratchy throat, or actually maybe because I feel sick, I was more “myself” somehow than I always am. It’s like, when I’m not feeling well, I give myself permission to be a bit goofy and let my real personality out instead of trying to be a “teacher.”

And I think my students had a fun time, too, which is pretty important when you’re dealing with a lesson on formal outlines and plagiarism.

This wasn’t even what I was going to talk about tonight, but somehow this is what came out.

I was going to talk about how I really felt like Stripper Mom tonight. When we sit down to dinner lately, I usually take off my bra so it’s easier to nurse Tommy at the table. No pulling down my bra cup or having to keep adjusting.

Tonight I had a bit of difficulty shimmying my arms down the tight sleeves to free my arms from my bra straps. I saw myself in the kitchen mirror as I wrestled my arms out, bare breasts looking strange with my family reflected in the background.

And I thought how kind of silly it was—me taking off my bra for dinner and no one in the family even batting an eye at this strange little pre-dinner ritual.

It’s kind of like: What does your mom do right before dinner?

Take off her bra and pop out her boob and nurse the baby…and yours?

Ph.D. in Pole Dancing

2010-12-30T13:35:00.001-05:00

This question to the Ask Amy column in The Chicago Tribune got me thinking.

Now that I’m a mother of two boys, what would I think if my son told me he was dating a stripper?

Like the mother here, I at first thought, of course, I would prefer my son date a Ph.D. candidate than a stripper. But thankfully, I caught myself.

Not only is it sad that I would diss my own past dating self, but it really is absurd that anyone would judge a person by their job. I realized very quickly, hey, wait a minute, I was a stripper!

True, the person I was back then was not a person I would really want my son to be dating, but is it fair to say it had anything to do with me being a stripper?

In my case, I would have to say, yes. My being a stripper definitely stemmed from my acting out in many ways. Although underneath it all I was still the woman I am today, I was in the midst of making some questionable choices.

I will admit, I was not the woman you wanted to bring home to meet mom. Although the mother of my fiancé at the time did handle it well. She joked about my occupation, while at the same time trying to help steer me in a different direction.

Of course, now here I am today—valedictorian of my college class, MFA in Creative Writing. Not too shabby.

Better I get the stripping thing out of my system and end up in a socially “good” place than just be a smarty-pants my whole life.

So my advice to Fretting Mom? Grin and bear (bare) it. Your son’s girlfriend will either turn out to meet all your worst expectations or maybe, just maybe, end up with a Ph.D. of her own and school you in the proper way not to judge a book by its cover.

Dating a stripper is probably something like being a stripper; it seems one way in the abstract and another in reality.

The Tired Mommy Blog

2010-12-13T19:55:00.000-05:00

Wow. I’ve been tired. I know, I know—not a good excuse for not blogging.

I’ll try to be better, really, I will.

Being a mother of three is nothing to sneeze at though, especially when everyone is sneezing. We’ve all had a run-in with whatever virus seems to be roaming from Jersey to Connecticut.

I’m teaching two sections of Composition at Kaplan University right now and will be going back to teaching at Housatonic Community College in the spring. Although I’m busy, it feels good to be teaching writing again.

I feel like it’s time for a big life reevaluation about now. I need to refocus on what’s important in my life, perhaps explore if I need to move in new directions with things.

Stuff I Say To My Kids

2010-10-08T12:25:00.000-04:00

OK, along the lines of, Shit My Dad Says, I give you, Stuff I Say To My Kids.

Lately, the sentences that come out of my mouth are too ridiculous.

The little people in my house don't seem to see the humor, but at least I amuse myself.

Yesterday, for instance, I had to say to Cole: Don't drive the truck on your brother's head!

And I had so much fun saying it, that I decided to say it again with more enthusiam: Cole, DON'T drive a truck on your brother!

If you are a mother of three I'm sure you have said these crazy things, too.

Three small children live in my house

2010-09-24T18:59:00.000-04:00

I'm surviving motherhood times three so far, but for all those mothers who told me that adding one more kid when you already have two is no big deal, I'd like to speak to you in private.

Seriously, adding one more little human to the family mix is a big deal.

Thomas is two-weeks old and over ten pounds now. He nurses around the clock.

Cole has been having the most problems. He's taken to making a fist, pouting, and hitting whatever is nearby. Thankfully, so far Thomas has only received one sharp rap to the head.

My Sweet Thomas

2010-09-15T13:37:00.000-04:00

Thomas Jeffrey Terzi is here!

He is one-week old today. For his first doctor's visit, he has already regained his lost weight; he's back up to 8 ponds 13 ounces. And it's no surprise; I'm nursing on-demand and his demand is high! He nurses practically around the clock.

He's already doing well at night; he sleeps in two-three hour spurts, which I am extremely happy with.

I even drove to my kids' school to pick them up. Not bad for six-days post-partum.

Of course, I've been having my ups and downs, but I'm being kind to myself. I'm giving myself a break.

But for everyone who said adding one more child to two is no big deal, I do have to say an adamant, what are you KIDDING me?!

It is total pandemonium. It is heartbreaking to see 21-month old Cole "jealous," although most of the time he is so good with Thomas--petting him and offering him food and toys. It may just be an act to distract us so he can stick pushpins in him when we turn away.

I'm also happy to say that I've been feeling very creative. I wrote my first poem in years. Crazy!

Now I just have to keep up the momentum!

39 Weeks

2010-09-01T10:10:00.000-04:00

Here's my belly at 38-weeks. Hard to believe I'm even bigger this week.

The doctor has decided my baby is about 8.5 pounds and quite big enough for my body. So, if I'm not in labor by my due date, September 7th, I'm scheduled to be induced on September 8th.

By next Wednesday the baby will be about 9 pounds! Yikes. Cole took four hours of pushing to get out and he was only 8.5 pounds.

Come on, baby!

Come out, come out!

Hollywood's best-kept secret: Nannies

2010-08-20T13:34:00.001-04:00

Hollywood's best-kept secret: Nannies

How do celebrities like Angelina and Julia do it all? With lots (and lots) of help. And they're doing women a huge disservice by hiding these helping hands.

Of course, we moms know this is true, but it is so frustrating knowing that most of the world sees these Super Moms doing it all and so assume we mere mortals should be able to be just as well put-together.

I do admit though, when I see those photos of Angelina floating through an airport clasping some of her brood's hands, that I forget that the nannies are somewhere right behind her...living in the shadows while the paps take their shots.

I applaud Julia Roberts for admitting that it takes a "village" of help when she is filming.

Now, if only some other celebs could be so honest.

Instead of Angelina just smiling as she donates a check to some foundation and people praise her miraculous ability to balance it all, wouldn't it be great if she had the guts to say, "Sure, I make it look easy, but look behind me. There are the people who allow me to be able to do it all, or should I say, make it look like I am able to do it all!"

Churchgoers reach out to strippers after service, but all is not yet resolved

2010-08-17T21:51:00.000-04:00

It seems some church-goers from New Beginnings Ministries in the village of Warsaw, Ohio, aren't too happy about some strippers shaking their stuff at the nearby Foxhole strip club.

The congregants have been protesting outside the strip club, so the strippers tried the same tactic by dancing in bikinis outside the church during services.

It seems only fair.

But after Sunday's guest speakers, former-strippers-turned-Christians who preach to strippers, it seems like the two groups are trying to find a common ground. Forgiveness is in the air, but not forgetting. Both groups still plan the protests.

But the guest preachers did have success at the club, it seems. They were able to convince two strippers to let Jesus into their hearts, if not leave the strip-world all together.

"Our hearts are with Jesus, but our bodies are at the Foxhole," Gina Hughes said.

Moms mad at model's breastfeeding remarks

2010-08-09T09:33:00.000-04:00

It's the same old story. Moms mad at other moms for telling them how to raise their children.

Model Gisele Bundchen is having to backtrack to explain her words:

"Are you going to give chemical food to your child when they are so little?"

She also said that she believed there should be a law that all mothers should have to breastfeed for six months.

I don't see what the big problem is. Bundchen is just expressing her feelings. It's a shame that some mothers take this as an insult if they choose not to breastfeed.

Yes, she's extremely wealthy and can afford to take time off of work and breastfeed her baby. True, she probably wasn't thinking about moms who can't afford that luxury. But it's just her opinion.

Why do we have such a hard time letting women speak their minds?

Who cares what Bundchen says?

We as mothers should not care so much what a supermodel expresses. We should focus on doing what is right for our own families.

Almost 35 weeks pregnant

2010-07-29T20:03:00.000-04:00

I normally love the summer; I run outside to soak in the warmth every chance I get.

Not this year.

My enormous belly got a rash on it that has spread and become a red, itchy, blotchy, massive wound.

Just going up a flight of stairs winds me completely.

I was in the hospital the other day because of belly pains and dizziness.

Cole screams for at least an hour whenever he wakes up from his nap.

My daughter hates me—makes nasty faces and comments all the time.

I have zero strength to get any productive writing done on my projects.

I guess you could say I’m a little stressed out.

How Do I Know Whom To Listen To?

2010-07-23T22:22:00.003-04:00

I was researching other Mommy blogs when I stumbled upon this short interview with the author Betsy Brown Braun on Guru Mommy.

The interviewer happened to ask the question I struggle with...

So how do we get our child to listen? Listening is not the problem. The problem is that your child is not being compliant, not doing what you are asking him to do or not to do. There is no one-size-fits-all answer. You, however, need to grow some credibility, otherwise known as backbone.

What do we do if they ignore this? Position yourself deliberately, right in front of your child and not across the room from your child. State your request clearly, being very specific in your expectations.

And if this isn’t working? Explain the consequence for non-compliance, giving just one warning. Give him a moment to comply, and when he doesn’t, lower the boom (impose the related consequence.) Repeated and hollow threats create children who don’t listen.

It's good advice, I guess. But I think we've tried this method and it hasn't worked. And it really brings up the issue of "compliance" in children. Yes, there are times that our children need to listen to us, but at what costs to our children's future self-esteem?

I want my children to learn independence, too, and not just how to comply with what an "authority" says to do.

Sometimes I think I read too much. I end up with so many differing opinions on what's right and wrong that it gets confusing to know just what to do at all anymore.

Find Your Peace

2010-07-21T20:23:00.000-04:00

I have to go into the OB’s office every week now for a non-stress test. This morning the doctor saw a “decel” of the baby’s heart, so just to be safe, I had to go to St. Vincent’s to be hooked up for an extended non-stress test.

The baby turned out to be fine. The machine was even picking up my early contractions. They better just be Braxton-Hicks; I’ve got seven weeks to go.

That was my entire morning. I managed to stay sane for the whole afternoon with the kids. Cole is so frightened of thunderstorms; he just lay against my body for a half-an-hour during the loud booms.

Speaking of loud booms, Genny did not like it when I said it was time for bed. She freaked out in all her glory.

Screaming. Crying. Throwing books. And her piece de resistance—kicking her mother a few times.

I tried ignoring it. Reasoning with her. Sending her to her room. But nothing worked and she refused to listen to anything I said.

Finally, after holding her door closed while she screamed hysterically, she stopped. I could hear her taking out her dress-up drawer. I managed to get the now freaked-out Cole to bed.

As I came out of his room, she came into the hallway and apologized. She got no books. But I lay down with her.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I’ve read books; I’ve followed my instincts; I’ve been understanding; I’ve been stern.

I always end up back here. Trying to figure this whole parenting thing out.

Mom on Strike

2010-07-20T12:05:00.000-04:00

We went away for the weekend to the Rocking Horse Ranch in the Catskills. And while none of us actually went on a trail ride, Genny did get to go on Pony rides. There were indoor and outdoor water slides, pools, a lake with boating of all kinds, and lots of food.

In between a few intestinal issues for a few members of the family, everybody had a good time.

So, imagine my annoyance when after a fun-filled weekend, Genny started in on her “I hate Mommy” antics at dinner last night.

For some reason, a new part of me snapped and I announced, “I’m on strike! I’m not having this new baby until I feel like I live in a loving family.”

Take that, cranky girl!

“I don’t care.”

Fine. I sat there and seethed in my anger.

“OK, then…well, I’m going to take the new baby and go away somewhere where people love me.”

I got a big pouty look.

After Genny excused herself, Nick looked at me and said, “What was that all about?”

That’s when it hit me. My mood swings have been quite erratic lately. I’m not giving myself enough acknowledgement that being 33-weeks pregnant in the heat of the summer with wild hormones rushing through me is taking its toll.

I can’t control my feelings. When I’m angry—watch out—it’s coming out. When I’m sad—I’m just bawling my eyes out wherever I am. I can’t control it and I just have to accept it right now.

I hope my family can, too.

Genny runs back into the kitchen, beaming.

“Come into the living room everybody!”

Nick carries Cole and I lug my aching body towards the living room. A sign hangs on the doorway: To Mom. Genny.

As I walk in, Genny tosses homemade rainbow confetti on my head. She’s beaming. I sit on the living room table as she sprinkles colors across my face. I push away the thoughts about how when Genny does something nice for me it usually means a big mess for me to clean up.

She did it for me. And I really do feel loved.

Ugly Mother

2010-07-16T19:44:00.000-04:00

I have something not pretty to say about myself.

I stick my tongue out at my daughter when she’s being a brat and turns away from me.

I call her nasty names in my head when she is being rude and disrespectful.

Tonight I almost slipped and said something very not-nice. I caught myself and my head spun as I stood my 32-week pregnant belly up off her bed, searching for something to say out loud that would shock her into six-year-old recognition of how mean she is to me.

“I…I…I don’t want to be your friend anymore!” I said.
With that, I left her room and shut the door and sat on my bed and buried my face in my extra-large body pillow.

And she does not react. She does not cry or feel bad or care.
And all I can think of is how I would have reacted if my mother had said that to me. I would have sobbed and run to her and begged for forgiveness and told her how much I love her.

But my daughter only says “I love you” to me when she wants something. She does not hug or kiss me. She decided awhile ago that she does not need me.

And we have tried everything under the sun (besides any physical punishment)—ignore the bad behavior, use natural consequences, instill time-outs, take away videos, reward for good behavior, etc.
But again and again she disrespects me. And people tell me it’s a phase and I tried to convince myself of that. But I don’t think it is. I think her personality is showing.

If you are not a mother you are probably thinking, “She’s six! Give her a break!”
I have. And I have.

But how much disrespect and apparent hate can a mother take from her child, day-in and day-out?

Where did I sign up for this? Where were the warnings of what being a mother would be? And how did I miss them?

A Sick Toddler and a Cranky Six-Year-Old

2010-07-14T18:00:00.000-04:00

It is these moments. Today is the second day in a row. At about this same time.

When my daughter will not listen and I am tired and feeling very pregnant.

When Cole has a 103-degree fever and is lying on the floor crying.

Dishes undone.

Toys all around me.

When I sit on this red dining room rug and cry. And wish I were anywhere but here. And wish I were anything but a mom.

And I can understand why women would take their own lives when overwhelmed by it all.

When sitting and crying and asking where is the joy that I feel like some 1950's homemaker, trapped. Wondering how I will go on.

And, of course, I can reassure myself that it is my depression. Overwhelmed. Feeling helpless without my own mother to speak with. To say, to cry, "Mommy, how did you survive?"

I don't wanna!

2010-07-10T21:04:00.000-04:00

Today is just one of those days when I ask myself--why?

Why does my six-year-old daughter not listen to me anymore?

It's been going on for some time now, but when I'm frazzled by my 32-week itchy pregnant belly in 90 degree heat, carrying around my twenty-four pound eighteen-month-old, and being completely ignored by someone much smaller than me, I just about want to scream at her in the face and then run away.

I certainly question my sanity as I sit here pregnant again, wondering where I went wrong with my daughter. Wondering how to handle this whole whining, crying, moaning, laughing phase.

I am teetering.

Europeans on nudity: Just grin and bare it

2010-07-07T14:30:00.000-04:00

Genny just looked at this image and said, "Oooh, that's gross!"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you can see his pee-pee."

"So?" I laughed.

I didn't expect that reaction from her. That's why I wasn't even hiding my computer screen from her.

How funny that I was just going to say how glad I am that Genny, at six-years-old, has more of a European attitdue toward nudity.

I'm curious where she learned her reaction from. We've always been open and comfortable about nudity around our house. She sees me, her father, and Cole naked all the time, but never reacts or seems bothered by it.

I've always felt it's best to let kids draw their own lines when it comes to their comfort with nudity in the family.

So why the reaction to a statue?

She barely watches television, so she hasn't learned that "Oooh, that's gross!" from there. Perhaps from her schoolmates?

Come to think of it, I have noticed that she doesn't like it when I wear anything even slightly revealing in public. So, she seems to be okay with nakedness in our private world, but not the public.

Maybe Americans really are just more prudish and uncomfortable with themselves.

Perhaps if we saw the nude male figure around and about town and women portrayed in more "natural" states of nudity, we might not be so caught up with what lies beneath our neighbors' clothes.

Kendra Wilkinson: How I became Hef’s girlfriend

2010-07-06T21:26:00.000-04:00

It is interesting to hear another ex-stripper's take on how she fell into the business.

It is obviously easy to judge others from a distance, but what can we learn from the stories we hear about how young women are lured into the adult business by older men?

What makes this woman a television star while other women who do the same thing (but on a smaller and less "famous" scale) are considered "whores"?

I think perhaps the lesson for all of us ex-stripper-writers is that if you want to get your book published, you'd better get a reality show first.

Wonder Woman...the Stripper?

2010-07-01T10:44:00.000-04:00

I have to say something about this image. All I really want to say is--are you kidding me?

DC Comics revealed their revamped version of Wonder Woman by graphic artist Don Kramer and it is...something.

I was never big into Wonder Woman, but my sister was, so every once in a while I would browse through the comics in the 1970s. She seemed like a pretty cool woman, good-looking and ready to kick some bad guys' butts.

But this new image is so disturbing. Is this what we want young girls to think a Super Woman looks like? Are we seriously going to move this much backward in progress? Was there a single woman involved in the production of this image change? And if so, did she agree with the boys, Oh, yes, definately needs bigger boobs, lips, and more sex appeal!

Who is DC marketing this comic to today? Is this comic still for girls? Or is it for pre-teen boys?

Help me out here everyone...why does Wonder Woman look like a porn star?

Mom Who Wants to be a Stripper

2010-06-25T19:52:00.002-04:00

This is another story making the rounds about a stripper mom. Well, in this case, she wasn't a stripper yet, but had aspirations.

Her eleven-year-old son called the police because she was packing and had told him she was leaving him and his six-year-old brother to become a stripper in California.

The police arrived and she told the police to get take the boys, to do whatever they needed to do with them. When her 11-year-old went to hug her goodbye, she punched him in the stomach.

Of course, the biggest reactions to the story have been of outrage and disgust. Yes, it is horrible how the children were emotionally and physically abused. Yes, it is enraging and frustrating.

But I wonder if we can also look at how sad this story is, too. To hear of a mother so beaten down by life that her greatest dream is to become a stripper and leave her children behind.

What mother has not had the dream of running away to somewhere beautiful like California to start a new life with none of the responsibilities of raising children. If we are honest with ourselves, can we not find some compassion?

This wanna-be Stripper Mom is only 29-years-old with two children. She became a mom at eighteen-years-old--a child herself.

Who knows where I would be today if I had done things the other way around. If I had had a child at eighteen and not pursued a fantasy life, but been faced with the magnitude of raising kids.

And what is this dream that women see in becoming a stripper? Perhaps she wanted to be seen as beautiful and desirable as a woman again. Perhaps she could not find a way to be both mother and woman. For her, the burden became too much.

Opposing Views: Video: Mom Pretends She's a Stripper, Kids Throw Money

2010-06-23T20:13:00.002-04:00

Opposing Views: Video: Mom Pretends She's a Stripper, Kids Throw Money

I'm not sure what to say about this video.

It would be very easy to judge in so many ways, but it just makes me feel sad.

Then again, it's not like the mother takes any of her clothes off in front of the children. She could just be playing and having fun. Yes, it would still be strange that the little boys know about stuffing money into dancing women's clothing.

I guess when I think of currently working stripper moms, I tend to hope they don't actually perform in front of their children, but again...I have seen moms bring their kids to strip clubs when they couldn't find a babysitter.

Mistresses, Mistresses—Everywhere!

2010-05-06T10:07:00.002-04:00

David Boreanaz -- The Marriage is Stable

I feel so bored by all the latest gossip about this and that mistress who slept with this married guy and that married guy and now wants money or fame or whatever.

But, of course, what makes me even crazier is that, again, most of the “blame” seems to be landing on the women instead of the men. Like, what? These women are such evil temptresses that no man can resist? Please. It takes two to tango.

And what makes me even crazier is that these women who have done nothing more than sleep with some well-known personalities will now be able to score themselves some nice book contracts. All it takes is a super-shot of “fame” for some silly reason and you are guaranteed a book publisher will come knocking on your door.

Just being a good writer does not qualify one for a book contract. Perhaps I should do something stupid and flashy to get the publishing industry to take an interest in me.

Alas, I believe those days are behind me.

I am now a mother of two children. Or should I say two-and-a-half?

Stripper Mom will be Mom times three come September.

Now if I could only have sextuplets or something, then I’d surely make a name for myself.

Bad Talkin’ Stripper Moms

2010-03-25T10:12:00.003-04:00

It’s been a bit since I posted. As usual, life (two young kids, a husband, a house, a job) gets in the way of my writing.

All this Jesse James and Michelle McGee gossip has irritated me to no end. I guess my biggest gripe is that all the reports talk about McGee as a slut and point out how she is a Stripper Mom. Like that’s the problem.

OK, hello, folks! She’s not the one who was cheating on her spouse. Why does the woman always get blamed as being the whore in situations like this? It’s the same with the whole Tiger Woods scandal. The mistresses are made out to be evil and slutty, much more so than the man who did the cheating.

It’s the old double-standard that just doesn’t want to die.

People act all shocked and disgusted that McGee is trying to make a buck off of her affair with Jesse James. But why? She sees an opportunity to make some money without having to take her clothes off! Why wouldn’t she jump on that chance?

Of course, I will admit the whole Nazi photo shoot is ridiculous, but no one would have even cared about it if it hadn't been for this cheating scandal.

I mean, are famous people that stupid? If you’re going to cheat on your spouse and you are a gossip-worthy persona, guess what? When the “relationship” goes sour, which it more than likely will, someone is going to blab to the press for cash. Please don’t be surprised by that fact.

A recommendation to all famous people who want to cheat on their spouses: Get a nondisclosure agreement before you proceed!

Stripper Mom Thinks

2009-12-18T11:26:00.000-05:00

I’ve been away for awhile. Regrouping. Rethinking about what I want this blog to be.

I got off-track for awhile with what I was doing with Stripper Mom. I started writing about what I thought people wanted from me rather than what made sense for me. So, I will begin again. I will use this space for what I had intended.

I want to figure out who I am.

I know I’m a writer. I know I’m a mom. I know I happened to be a stripper once upon a time. And I know that stripping down is a good analogy for what I’m about in life.

Right now what I need to strip down to is what I’m doing with my writing.

I’m getting so tired of working and reworking the same project. I’m getting bored of waiting on agents to get back to me.

I have a possible agent holding on to my manuscript right now. Very lovely. Likes my manuscript. Provided great editing so far. But now I have to wait for her to find another agent to back her up on my project before she can take it to the head honcho.

What I’m worried about is that this will just keep going on like this for years. An agent will like the manuscript, take it on, have me revise it, sit on it for months, and then pass. And then I’m back to square one.

I want to move to square two already.

Peepshow

2009-09-16T20:41:00.001-04:00

Here’s an interesting looking stripper tale. I’ll have to check it out.

From Publishers Weekly:

Peepshow by Leigh Redhead. Outfit (www.outfitcrime.com), $16.95 paper (216p) ISBN 978-1-60701-150-7

Australian author Redhead puts her past as a stripper and table dancer to effective use in her debut, the first in a crime series to feature aspiring PI Simone Kirsch. Simone, who performs in peep shows and as a striptease dancer to support herself, gets her first break after Frank Parisi—a thug who ran a strip club called the Red Room in St. Kilda, a Melbourne suburb—is “brutally hacked to death before being dumped in the bay.” Frank's brother suspects Simone's best friend, Chloe, who worked for the dead man, ordered the murder. Simone, who manages to buy some time by offering to identify the real killer, gets a job at the Red Room and starts to pump the other dancers for information. Soon, she's involved with several men, one a police officer whose boss is notorious for being both dirty and violent. Readers should be prepared for some graphic sex scenes, which fit naturally into the action, given the heroine's line of work. Redhead has made an unlikely premise convincing. (Nov.)

Stripper Mom Receives Apology

2009-09-15T09:21:00.002-04:00

In the spirit of peace, church apologizes to those it has hurt

Finally, a story about a Stripper Mom with a happy ending.

You remember the story back in 2001about Christina Silvas? Silvas was asked to withdraw her daughter from the church-run school because Silvas was working as a stripper. On Sunday, Silvas sat with her daughters during the worship service as the pastor apologized.

Cole said he decided to apologize while preparing for this week's sermon.

"This has been weighing on my heart," the pastor said in an interview before the sermon. "This should have been done long ago, I don't want to let any more time go by."

After the sermon, Silvas, teary-eyed, called Cole's heartfelt apology amazing. "For so long all I felt was shame - people whispered about me, calling me the stripper mom," said Silvas, 31.

She said she had been urged by friends and attorneys to sue Capital Christian but had declined.

Now working for the state, Silvas quietly returned to the church about a year ago. Last year, she said, Cole and other church leaders offered a full scholarship to Silvas' two daughters.

"Coming back to church and my girls going to school here is more valuable than what any settlement would have bought," she said.

Perhaps this is a sign of something greater for the Stripper Moms of the world.

We have nothing to be ashamed of. None of us do.

Sleep, Please

2009-09-13T20:54:00.000-04:00

Cole is nine-months-old. He ate Stage 3 chunky baby food today.

We went out to dinner to celebrate Nick’s birthday and Cole just kept wolfing food down.

We’re hoping that his belly is finally full and he is going to sleep longer than usual, which shouldn’t be hard to do.

I’m so exhausted. I was going non-stop today. I really, really want some sleep.

A poop story

2009-09-08T22:02:00.001-04:00

Cole’s introduction to more solid-type foods kind of backfired today, or rather, didn’t backfire with enough explosive power.

All day he was straining, red-faced, and obviously constipated. Two times when I changed his diaper, his tushie-hole was even open as if gasping for relief.

When his face turned beet-red in the tub, I thought I was going to see a brown island floating by, but still, no.

I put him to bed, knowing I’d be seeing something in the middle of the night.

Sure enough, a half hour after he was asleep, he started bawling.

I picked Cole up from his crib, turned on the John Lennon lamp, and lay Cole on the changing table.

His eyes were closed as I opened his diaper.

There they were. Two lumpy hard sausages with another stuck halfway out.

This half-in/half-out baby turd was as wide as a silver dollar and it was not budging. Cole was half-asleep but crying in pain.

I did what only a mother would; I grabbed a wipe and grabbed a hold of that poo and gently pulled it out.

Cole immediately stopped crying and fell asleep on the changing table.

I gently wrapped up the three hard, corn kernel-filled poos to share with Nick when he came home.

I placed Cole back in his crib and he remained asleep.

My work here is done.

Labor Day

2009-09-07T22:35:00.001-04:00

Nothing like a day to bring back memories of labor. Those two days already grow fuzzy in my mind—life’s little gift to keep itself recreating.

Cole is all about the standing. He stiffens his legs and lifts up strongly.

He’s also all about eating big people food. Anything he can pick up and shove in his mouth himself, he is glad to do.

I should be sleeping now, but that’s what chocolate brownies with rainbow sprinkles can do to you.

Stripper Fail

2009-09-04T21:09:00.001-04:00

The teething continues. The screaming. The crying. The horror.

So in my state of exhaustion, I give you something funny to watch.

It is, indeed, a stripper fail.

Go to my happy place…

2009-09-03T18:36:00.000-04:00

Oh, for the days when the most crucial part of my day was getting my hair right.

Cole is teething (or being taken over by alien beings who just like to scream and cry nonstop).

He has his two front bottom teeth, one upper front one (yes, I know there are more technical names for these, but they escape me at the moment), and—hello! The second front tooth has poked his little toothie self through.

Miss Genny is still in a phase. You know, the kind where she tells me to shut up.

My nerves? Fried. My hair? Horrible.

If I don’t get some peace, quiet, and sleep soon, this Saturday I will look like I’m going to my fiftieth high school reunion instead of my twentieth.

Pole Dance Doll Hits the Big Time on Perez Hilton

2009-09-02T09:32:00.002-04:00

The pole dance doll finally made her way onto Perez Hilton’s website.

If she wasn’t real yet, I’m sure someone will manufacture her now.

The Big Why

2009-09-01T18:55:00.000-04:00

What a way to top off a long day.

I’m at the Big Y grocery shopping when Cole dumps over Genny’s milk jug onto himself, our groceries and the floor. While I’m trying to clean up all the mess, Cole dumps over my ice-tea.

The fun wasn’t over yet either.

As I’m bent over mopping up milky ice-tea, I notice a man with a handlebar mustache saying, “Excuse me, ma’am.”

“Yes?” I ask, thinking he’s come to my assistance.

“You’re falling out of your…bra there.” He averted his eyes.

“Argh, I’m having a rough day.”

He politely excused himself as I tucked my errant nipple back in. I really shouldn’t wear this tank top in public anymore.

The Other McCain: CULTURAL APOCALYPSE WATCH:The Pole-Dancer Doll for Girls

2009-08-31T20:49:00.001-04:00

The Other McCain: CULTURAL APOCALYPSE WATCH:The Pole-Dancer Doll for Girls

I don't understand the fury over this doll.

She has on her clothes and she's dancing around a pole with a disco ball.

What child is going to think anything else than, "Oh, cool. A cute doll that swirls around a pole!"

Last time I checked, roller rinks had disco balls, should we be offended about that?

And what about subway trains? Shall we declare war on people holding on to poles because of the wrong impression it might give to children?

Dancer Doll

2009-08-31T19:29:00.002-04:00

I do understand the concern that parents have over this doll, knowing what they know about adult “pole dancers.”

I don’t know though. If I were a child and I saw this doll, I would just think that it’s a cute doll who dances around a pole.

Aren’t we just imposing our adult knowledge on our children when we have a problem with a doll like this? They don’t know about our adult references.

This appears to simply be a doll that dances around a pole. So what? Unless she strips off her clothing or dances provocatively, I don’t see what the big deal is.

Striptease or Burlesque?

2009-08-30T21:40:00.002-04:00

The big tease: Burlesque grows in popularity
Shows sparks debate: performance art or downright smut?

Is there a difference between striptease and burlesque besides personal opinion? I don’t think so. One woman’s burlesque performance is another woman’s striptease.

It’s the old “I know it when I see it,” defense, only for striptease instead of porn.

The last club I performed at was called by two different names: Fallen Angels and Blue Angels. It was considered a burlesque club, which meant you could do performance art while you stripped, as long as you ended up naked.

I always wanted to push the envelope and do some funny stuff, but my need for cash kept me pretty much just straight-stripping. Although, by most peoples’ standards, a lot of what I did over the years was more burlesque than just peeling and posing.

I did feel better about myself when I worked at Blue Angel. I was not so afraid to tell others where I worked because now I could say I was a “burlesque performer” instead of an exotic dancer.

My favorite routine to do there was my own version of Strawberry Shortcake. I had a pair of yellow cut-off shorts and a halter top with strawberries all over and I put my hair in pigtails. I would bring strawberries on stage with me and eat them suggestively.

I found most men really didn’t care what you did though; they were waiting for the naked part.

Wiggle It

2009-08-28T20:36:00.002-04:00

I’m feeling better today.

I’m actually thinking my major depression feelings of the past few days have come from my hormones realigning themselves. I just started my period back after baby two months ago. The depression matches my ovulation timing perfectly.

I find it very peculiar to write about things like my children, my period, and stripper news all in the same blog post, but hey, here goes.

Have you all noticed how accepted strippers and strip clubs are lately? Well, I don’t mean “accepted” accepted, but there are often stripper news items to report. When I was a stripper in the early nineties, stripping was still very uncool and untalked about.

This afternoon Genny stood up on the kitchen chair and started shaking her tushie. It was a tushie dance.

She had watched The Wiggles beforehand and I was out of the room for some of it. Should I be worried? Are those Wiggles actually wiggling around in stripper stilettos?

Or was it those darn Care Bears?

Love Lost

2009-08-27T19:44:00.002-04:00

I don’t know if you’ve noticed my blog posts have been a little depressed lately. I’m sorry for that. I’ve just been falling into one of my dumps lately. I’m feeling overwhelmed by life’s responsibilities. I’ve got three major projects I’m working on, too. Or I should say, trying to work on.

I guess I thought my daughter would love me.

I know she will one day. I mean, I know she loves me now, but she likes to make me think she doesn’t.

She lies. She constantly tells me she likes Daddy better.

When she was rude for the umpteenth time to me today I asked if she would speak to a friend like that.

“No, but I like my friends better than you.”

“OK, but that’s kind of rude to say. You should have some respect for your mother.”

“Well, I don’t. I respect my friends.”

“Do they take care of you? Will they buy you things and make you dinner?”

“No, but I like them better.”

I remember reading somewhere that it’s our jobs as parents to love our children, but not the child’s job to love us.

I believe this intellectually, but it hurts when I don’t feel love, or even like, from my five-year-old.

What Type of Girl is Your Favorite NFL Team?

2009-08-26T21:17:00.002-04:00

What Type of Girl is Your Favorite NFL Team?
By Andy Benoit, www.NFLTouchdown.com

This choice article is a fine example of why sports bars and strip clubs belong together.

I keep thinking our society is evolving away from men like this and then I keep being proved wrong.

If NFL teams were girls, what type of girl would each one be? What would it be like to date that team/girl?: Let's find out.

Raiders

Ms. Raider is that super sexy, rough-around-the-edges girl with the notorious wild side. Her hair isn't its natural color, her cleavage appears to have been sculpted by Michelangelo and her lower back is stamped with a half-visible tattoo. The second you see her, you want her. But by the next second, you're smiling coyly and thinking, On second thought...looks like a blast, but probably too much for me. And you're right. Ms. Raider is a better stripper than girlfriend. She's always attracting large, surly alpha males (think Vin Diesel type). The ones who date her quickly learn to run because deep down, just like her mother, Ms. Raider is crazy as hell.

It's so endearing to see the woman-loving articles out there on the Internet.

Reporter Gets Hit by a Mean Hoe

2009-08-25T20:28:00.001-04:00

The craziness continues. You must read this article and see the accompanying video of the fifteen-year-old stripper’s grandmother.

What really gets me though is the last line of the piece:

If you ask questions about a stripper, don't be surprised if you get hit by a hoe.

I’m sure a lot of men who frequent strip clubs are laughing heartily. But you know what? Why must strippers be so jeered upon? Why is it okay to make a joke like this? If they made this joke about anyone else, people would be in an uproar.

This just solidifies my feeling of absolute exhausted sadness tonight.

Mom finds teen daughter performing at topless bar

2009-08-24T20:43:00.000-04:00

Rosemary Lumpkin says she got an anonymous call from someone claiming her 15-year-old daughter was a stripper at the business. So this spunky mom didn't waste any time -- she called Cocoa police and officers raided the place.

Why is this mother “spunky”? What mother wouldn’t call the police when they found out their fifteen-year-old was stripping?

The most disturbing thing about this article is the comments section. There are some really whacked-out responses to the fact that a fifteen-year-old girl was stripping. I’m wondering what planet these people are from.

Here’s a fine example:

More girls should start out this way as to get ready to spend their life serving their MAN as they should!

There is nothing like a well oiled machine, if you know what I mean?

Women were born to take care of MEN regardless of what happens to them....PERIOD!

For those of you who don't get it, GET OVER IT!

Oh, and I hope that this one was written as a joke, but…you never know.

I think it's a womans choice to dance on top of mens faces, laps, poles or wherever we want to dance! The dance is just a dance! We were born with our 'money makers' and we have the opshion of using them who ever way we want too. I gots lots of monies from doing this for meny years and are a verry eductated woman.
I terned out just fine and so will shie if only her mother aksepts her dancing. Dancing is an art form! We are artistses!
Not just hores!

Daddy Cyrus to the Rescue

2009-08-21T21:29:00.003-04:00

Miley’s father has come to his daughter’s defense regarding the great stripper pole dance.

“I always tell her to love what you’re doing and stay focused for the love of the art and not worry so much about opinion,” he says.

I agree with what his beliefs in staying true to one's art.

I do think it’s important for a young girl to not glamorize being a stripper, too, but I stick to my guns in believing that Miley’s routine wasn’t meant to cause that connection.

And if people are so sure that’s what they see in that ice-cream cart pole and they are so upset and outraged by it, my real concern then becomes, what? The pole bothers you but the short shorts and the other innuendos don’t?

If we’re going to get all huffed up, shouldn’t we be more concerned by the overall message sent by sixteen-year-olds singing and dancing like this?

Shouldn’t we wonder what this tells us about the American youth culture?

What does this tell us about ourselves? About the importance we place on looks and sex and youth?

Isn’t Miley just providing the audience with what it wants and expects?

And aren’t we as adults in this society responsible for the culture we create?

Miley Cyrus: Stripper in Training?

2009-08-20T20:25:00.003-04:00

I had to check out the video of Miley Cyrus on the MTV Teen Choice Awards after I read about how inappropriate her dancing was.

While I would agree that, yes, the dancers, including Miley, are all dressed in very short shorts and dancing pretty sexily, I just don’t see the stripper pole dance at all.

Yes, there’s a pole on top of the faux ice-cream cart that she holds onto while the cart is pushed stage left. Only once does she even dance while holding the pole.

Can a pole never just be a pole again?

Anyone who sees Miley as promoting stripping through holding onto a metal pole so as not to fall down probably has a stripper pole in their own bedroom. I don’t see how anyone without their minds fixated on stripper poles would ever make that connection.

Mobile Stripper pole on bicycle New York streets!!!

2009-08-19T18:05:00.000-04:00

Now I’ve seen everything.

Thank you, Meredith, for this link.

From an online stripping thirteen-year-old to a stripper on a pedicab.

What is the world’s fascination with stripper poles all about?

Is Your Child an Online Stripper?

2009-08-19T12:22:00.001-04:00

Online stripping? This letter details how a thirteen-year-old girl was earning $1 an hour in virtual money as an online stripper in Second Life.

I’ve never played these virtual games, so I know nothing about this issue.

It does seem strange that people would actually want to watch a virtual strip tease by a cartoon character.

I am not surprised by this letter though. Our children are online. They can see and learn about anything and everything.

Genny is five-years-old and already can operate a computer and play online games. She’s always supervised, but there will come a time when we will turn away for a few minutes.

How do we protect our children beyond education and supervision?

It’s a scary world. Our children will learn this sooner or later.