I guess I understand why people don't want to know the truth and don't share the truth. Sometimes the real truth is too true; it's too raw; it's too real.
There's that fear that people who don't know what it's like to be depressed will freak out by what you say.
If I were to be truthful right now, I would say the thought that is going through my head on a loop is—I want to kill myself.
But I know you know you can't say that. You can't share a sentence like that in front of people who don't know depression.
You don't want the police showing up at your door in five minutes.
Just because the thought is there, haunting you, it doesn't mean you're actually going to kill yourself; it just means you're preoccupied by the thought.
But some people may question, Well, how do I know if she is serious or not?
For many people who deal with depression, it's when he or she says I am going to kill myself that one should worry, not I want to kill myself.
It is not semantics; there is a big difference. One is a haunting viral thread running through your brain and the other is an act you're about to commit.
I am not about to kill myself, but the loop is playing and it's hard to escape and it makes me sad if I can’t express it and let it out.
Sometimes I just yearn to be understood and to be loved just the way I am.