Trying to figure out how to speak about what’s in my head is difficult.
Many people who have suffered from depression know what it’s like to not want to scare people you love or sound like you’re looking for sympathy or just that you’re a jerk.
That’s part of why I think depressed people don’t talk about what they’re going through. There’s quite a sense of shame and stigma attached to what is inside our head. As if we are choosing to feel depressed because we aren’t trying hard enough to not be depressed.
I understand that at the moment the thoughts I’m having and the feelings I’m experiencing are transient. I’ve been through this before and as long as I monitor my own self, I will be fine. As long as I stay detached like this, where I can step back and see my depression from a somewhat healthy part of myself, I know I will be OK.
It really is like waves. If I remind myself, when the waves do not have me completely engulfed, that all I have to do is remember I know how to swim and that I will float to the surface if I don’t get scared and fight the rising water, I will rise. I will bob to the surface.
One wave at a time.