Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Feeling the Buzz

Today I’m feeling that buzzing, boiling urge to be doing something more with my life. I’m feeling like I should be more motivated, but I’m having a hard time just enjoying the day to begin with. I find myself counting down the hours until Genny’s naps and daydreaming about her bedtime.

I want to be able to enjoy this part of my life. I don’t want to be constantly wishing I had more freedom until finally I get it and then realize what a lucky thing I had now.

I want to pretend that it’s the future and my busy, creative and fulfilling life has driven me to rent a time machine to transport myself back to the present where I can just enjoy my alone and home time with my daughter. Can I do that? Can I convince myself that this time is a gift without the benefit of the future?

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