Thursday, May 26, 2005

Now I know my ABC's

Why am I always looking for controversy in life? I was just saying to Nick, I don’t know what to blog about tonight. If there isn’t something big and exciting, or profound and sweet, but just ho-hum, I feel like I’m not supplying good material worthy of being read.

I guess I’m a bit of an attention-monger. I certainly was the center of attention when I stood naked on stage in a room full of men. How much more desperate can someone be for some “look at me” time. I’m used to there being certain expectations set up for me when I present myself in any way. When I was a stripper, in exchange for the attention and the money, I had to be dolled up and, oh yes, naked. A pretty straightforward exchange.

As a writer, I need to be able to provide a window into experience or feeling. If I have no interesting stories to share on a given night, do I blog just the same? Can I allow myself to be boring and uninspiring, but write anyway? Can I reveal no secrets, but only chitchat on the screen?

Well, I appear to be doing the boring thing pretty well at the moment, but I must admit that the back of my mind is desperately searching for some cute way to tie things up and make you go, “Aha!” or “Really? Isn’t that delightful and intriguing.”

Speaking of being the center of attention, Genevieve said the letter “A” today. It was quite distinct and right after a Leap Frog toy began singing the alphabet. She said it about half a dozen times. “A. A. A. A. A. A.” I believe it was the capital “A” she was hinting at and not the little “a”, although I have no proof of that.

You know, I myself must have said the letter “A” one hundred times today, but I don’t pat myself on the back. I don’t get all excited. I don’t hush everyone in the room to pipe down so I can hear myself pronounce the first letter of the alphabet. Maybe I’m making too big a deal out of Genny’s little accomplishments. I don’t want her to grow up thinking she needs to be praised for every little thing she does. And I certainly don’t want her to wind up feeling the need to shed her clothes to get the attention our culture so readily supplies to naked females.

Hmm, just the right amount of attention, so she is neither starved for it or living for it. Now, if I can only figure out the perfect quantity and quality of attention a baby needs to grow up with a healthy self-image—it should be a small undertaking for a woman who can so clearly pronounce the entire contents of the alphabet forward and back.

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