Monday, July 04, 2005


I practiced being in the moment on the drive home today. I tried to keep my mind only on my driving and the scenery of the Meritt Parkway. Every once in awhile I would glance in my rearview mirror and see Genny and Nick napping.

Genny was excessively cranky at my dad’s, had gobs of drool flinging about and her nose was running. She felt warm to the touch, too. We thought it was probably another tooth coming in, but I took her temperature when we got home and it’s 102.3. No wonder she was cranky. She’s sleeping now and I hope her fever burns itself out tonight.

I was just thinking how whenever I drive past Stamford on the highway I remember my first stripping experience, which happened at a place called The Hideaway. I sometimes think about stopping in and seeing if any of the old gang is still around and then I stop and think, what the Hell am I thinking? It’s a strip club.

But this having been my first club, it has memories. Just how you remember any of your big firsts, taking your clothes off in public for the first time is pretty momentous. And this club was different in the sense that it always felt like family. It reminded me of Cheers on television. Everyone knew my name, Kyrea, even though many of them mispronounced it.

I wonder if it’s still the same owner. Or if the same bartender still tells his junkie monkey story from Vietnam. Or if there’s still a cooler at the back of the bar with saran-wrapped ham and cheese sandwiches for lunch.

Or if anyone would still remember my name if I walked in the door with my duffel bag slung casually across my shoulder.


  1. Anonymous9:15 AM

    you want so much to go back to this life...GO! would solve all your problems. Think about it. Read your words from the beginning, and go.

  2. Interesting how people think that there will be ONE thing in life that will solve all one's problems. If only I could {insert your dream of choice}, then life would be perfect.

    Maybe I just haven't found my ONE thing yet, but I haven't seen life work out that way for anyone.

    Also, did you catch the line, "what the Hell am I thinking?" This post is not about wanting to go back to that former life, it's about memories. That's all.

  3. Anonymous12:57 PM

    "...enchantment is the essence of dreams"

  4. I once heard that happiness is wanting what you have. Then I saw the movie "Thirteen Conversations About One Thing," in which one character tells another: "May you have what you want, and want what you have." The other one thanks him, not realizing it is a "Gypsy curse." (I put it in quotes because those were the characters' words, not mine; I consider "Gypsy" a racial epithet for the Roma people.)

    I don't know where I'm going with this.... I too feel the urge to visit every strip club I drive past, but then I remind myself that it's all just an illusion, and that I could find a much more authentic woman on

  5. I don't think it's bad to be curious. I probably would have the urge to go in there too. The question is: will I hurt myself by going inside? If the answer is yes, then stay away.

    And to go along with everyone's quotes, the secret to happiness is Be, Do, Have.

    If you be who you are, and do what you want, you will have happiness.

    There is another Be, Do, Have quote, but I have to find it.