I am so beyond exhausted tonight. I drove to the city to visit with a friend; I hit I-95 traffic going in and coming home, turning two hours of travel time into four.
Cole, of course, came along. Since I’m breastfeeding and not pumping, I can’t be separated from him for more than an hour or two. For the past four-and-a-half months I’ve only been away from him twice.
He was very good in the car until he wasn’t. The traffic on the way home wore him down and so did the 90 degree weather. For the last 45-minutes of the drive he was screaming and crying. I reached over into the backseat so he could suck on my finger, which usually calms him. Not so much today.
I would have stopped and nursed him a bit, but I was running late to pick up Genny at school.
Then it was a double bath night. Cole went first, nice and quick, and then I let Genny play for a half an hour in the tub. I allowed her to stay up late until Nick came home and so she is still not asleep. She’s waiting for me to come back upstairs and lie down with her. I’m hoping she’ll be asleep in a few minutes so I can crash out for a few hours.
It felt good to go into the city, but I knew I would pay for it tonight. With exhaustion.
Is it worth it? Is fighting to keep some of my old life alive possible and worth it? Of course. Of course.
But, oh, am I tired.