It’s ok to feel depressed.
It’s ok to say things to your kids you wish you could take
back.
You can take them
back. You can ask for forgiveness.
 |
| Sometimes all you can see are the shadows |
You can explain to your children that sometimes even moms
struggle.
It’s ok to be glad when you drop your kids off at school and
to be frustrated when it’s already time to meet the bus.
It’s ok to want time to yourself, to want to have no
responsibilities and to want your pre-mommy body back.
It’s understandable to feel like life for everyone would be
better if you didn’t exist.
And it is ok to feel guilty afterwards for thinking that. Or
to not feel guilty—to feel confused.
It’s ok if you don’t want to bake cookies or sew your own
Halloween costumes. It’s ok to spend $20 on costumes at Walmart.
It’s ok if you sometimes feel like you can’t go on, that you
made a mistake, that you weren’t made for this mothering thing.
And it’s ok to feel depressed about your life even if to
others your life looks perfect, even then.
Maybe more so then.
You do not have to beat yourself up about feeling depressed;
that will only make you feel worse.
Sometimes you will feel differently. I promise you. Even if
it’s not today or tomorrow. One day, you will feel happy again.
You will smell their sweetness again. You will savor their
hugs. You will feel their love’s penetrating power.
So hold on until then.
Do your best to maintain, to push on, to know that it gets
better.
Because it does. It will.
You are never alone, even if it feels that way.
Even when it feels like no one understands you or what you
are experiencing and you just don’t know what to do. Close your eyes, take a
breath and know that somewhere, someplace, there is love.
And let that be enough.
*Inspired by Wendy Wisner's: "To the Mom of a Nursing Toddler"
