Target's Trophy Shirt is Not the Problem

Have you heard about the Target shirt that says “Trophy” in bold white letters across a black tee?

It’s causing a controversy because, you know, women aren’t trophies.

Oh, you knew that already?

So it’s supposed to be a “fun wink” according to Target’s official statement on the issue.

It is never our intention to offend anyone and we always appreciate receiving feedback from our guests. The shirt you’re describing is part of a collection of engagement and wedding shirts that are available in our women’s and plus size departments. The collection also included shirts that say ‘Team Bride,’ ‘Mrs.’ and ‘Bride.’ These shirts are intended as a fun wink and we have received an overwhelmingly positive response from our guests.

My head just kind of aches with the attention this shirt is getting (and yes, I see the irony as I am talking about it now, too).

I mean, I would never wear the shirt because I think it’s stupid. I think a shirt that says “Bride” or “Mrs.” is stupid though too.

There’s even a Change.org petition started over the shirt. 

Personally, I don’t see much use of putting so much energy into fighting a stupid novelty tee-shirt.

Does it promote rape culture? Does it demean women?

Or should everyone just chill out with the politically correct nonsense?

I mean, why are there are no petitions to ban Hooters restaurants? Or the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition?

Those are things that are just as much out there in young girls’ view.

It is not the gag tee-shirt that is the problem, it is the “real,” non-joke items that are marketed and accepted as normal.

Equal Rights For All: Standing Up For What You Believe In

Tyra Banks was in the news yesterday for an Instagram Post she shared about the modeling industry. She offers support to the models of today who have such high and sometimes impossible standards they are required to meet.

@Ken Towner/ANL/REX Shutterstock via Daily Mail

Models have so much pressure today…They have to be slimmer than slim. Skinnier than skinny…And they have to do selfies that make them look relatable, but not TOO relatable, because then people may comment that they don't understand, "Why the heck is THAT girl a friggin' model??!!!!" 

When I was a young model, yeah, we had to think about our weight, but not like today. I think I was size 6, not a size 0…I'm sending love and hugs to all working, aspiring and super models worldwide. You all have lots to live up to. And I'm here cheering for you every single day. Stay strong girls.

Her post and the reactions to it got me thinking about how I look at the Stripping world and the strippers of today and how I write about my feelings toward the adult industry.

Some critics were quick to point out that if Tyra feels so strongly about the state of the modeling industry, why is she still a part of it? Why does she participate in judging young models on reality shows like America’s Next Top Model?

I was just talking to my husband the other day about how I tend to write about stripping and nude modeling from a very middle-of-the-road attitude. I don’t express anger about the industry. I tend to focus on the fact that every woman should have the choice of what she does with her body and that there isn’t anything inherently wrong with stripping or any other adult entertainment activities.

But when I talk to him about these things is when he notices the anger. That got me thinking: Do I express myself differently on the same topic whether I am writing about it or talking about it? And if so, why?

Perhaps I am more guarded and careful about my words when I am writing, but when I speak, I may get caught up in the emotions and really just let out my truest feelings.

Like Tyra, I need to give myself permission to “be a part” of an industry in certain ways, but also advocate for better conditions or point out the problems and flaws within that world.

I also need to allow myself for my opinions to shift and not be afraid of being branded a hypocrite because there will always be someone not happy with what I have to say or who I am.

While writing this, I just heard the amazing news: the Supreme Court ruled that the Constitution guarantees a right to same-sex marriage.

Wow—this is all thanks to those who have fought for equality for decades. This is all because of people willing to declare what they felt, even when it was a very unpopular belief to hold.

I hope this will serve as inspiration for me and everyone to always fight for what we know is right and what we believe in.

How I Used Writing to Nail My Message and Grow My Business

By Ling Wong, Guest Blogger

I started my blog with the intention to promote the former iteration of my business. It was a marketing technique to drive traffic through the use of SEO.

The blog stayed the same for a few years, until I went through a transformative experience in revamping my business to go in a different direction, giving birth to Business Soulwork.

During the entire process, I used writing to explore what was happening on a deeper level.

Photo of Ling Wong, Guest Blogger

The decision to publish everything on my blog and share it with my followers was a challenge to my own fear of being vulnerable, which turned out to be a big step for me to explore and overcome my insecurity and mindset hurdles.

Publishing my truth also solidified the conviction I have about my message. Every time I write, I get more clarity.

The process of committing to writing and publishing is transformative in and of itself. Steve Pressfield described it well in his book “Turning Pro” by explaining it boils down to the commitment and the gumption we need to stick with it and make something really happen.

This journey also changed the way I approach writing. Before, I would think about what title I “should” come up with for SEO, or what content I “should” generate to sell something.

Now, I have developed a conviction about my message that leads to a level of commitment that fuels the gumption to sit down and write most days.  There are no more “should’s.” There is only my unique perspective.

I help Maverick Entrepreneurs nail their message, claim their superpowers and muster up the guts to monetize their truth so they can fully express their individuality and creativity in a profitable personality-driven business. I believe we can step into our vision, passion and conviction, and build a business around what is true for us, instead of conforming to the "what is supposed to be" and water down our message.

My process is organic and intuitive. I have to write about whatever moves me because if I try to force something out, the passion and energy is not there and the piece will not be successful.

Writing has helped me define my own journey and refine my message. If one is afraid of starting because she doesn't know what her message is, just start somewhere.

I get still and allow ideas to come through. When I sit down to type, I set an intention to stay open, let my fingers “get loose” if guidance comes through and be pleasantly surprised by what ends up on the page.

I have to overcome my own fears to say what I need to say and hit "publish." This will hopefully encourage others to step up and own their conviction, instead of hiding behind fears or "being nice."

Sometimes I write things that are opinionated and controversial. It can be a challenge to stay with the original “drive” behind the piece and to not water it down so I can feel “safe.” I have to work with the fear of rejection, or of being criticized, so my message can be communicated fully, loudly and unapologetically.

Author Bio

Through her unique blend of Business + Marketing coaching with a Mindset + Psychic Twist, Ling Wong helps Maverick Entrepreneurs nail their message, claim their superpowers and muster up the GUTS to monetize their Truth so they can build a purposeful and profitable Personality-Driven business that is a full expression of their creativity and individuality.

Find Ling and download her free “Monetize Your Truth” Mindset + Marketing training bundle.

Writing and Chai (Because It's Cheaper Than Therapy)

Please welcome guest blogger Maryann Morehouse to Stripping Down as she discusses how she managed to balance single motherhood and writing…

Writing and Chai 

(Because It's Cheaper Than Therapy)

by Maryann Morehouse

For me, writing became my therapy; my former marriage left me with some emotional scars. Now, compared to other divorced people, my scars are more of the Harry Potter, sort of cool looking scars, rather than the deep tortured scars that so many others harbor. I choose not to dwell on the pain of the divorce; instead, I focused my energy on making sure I raised my kids to be happy and healthy, both physically and emotionally.

Maryann Morehouse

I wrote my first book several years ago when my son was forced to partake in summer school due to his apparent allergy to homework. At the time, I was unemployed, a single mom with two kids and had a mortgage that I couldn’t afford. Gas prices were averaging around four dollars a gallon and he attended school seventeen miles from home. My daughter and I would get up each morning, drag him out of bed, drive him to school, kick him out of the car and head to Starbucks where we would sit for the next five hours while he attended make-up classes. During that time, I began writing a story, as I had done since college. The story was just for fun and I did not intend to share it with anyone other than some select friends, but it seemed to take on a life of its own as other people asked me if they could read it.

I would write during the day and at night publish the chapters on Facebook, each time getting positive feedback and encouragement. This was like pure gold to me. I could even justify the cost of the gas because it meant I had time to sit and do what I love while also having the bonus effect of making my son realize that he never wanted to go to summer school again.

Mom for the win!

Nowadays, my children are adults, I work close to fifty hours a week at a job that I enjoy and unbelievably, gas prices are lower now than they were back then. My love of writing has only grown stronger and I’ve been fortunate enough to self-publish a couple of books, together they have been downloaded more than 8,000 times, which blows my mind.

My schedule is more hectic than it was when they were younger, but because my writing is important to me, I schedule my writing sessions like I scheduled their doctor’s appointments when they were younger. I book time for me and my “therapy.” I will block off several hours on a weekend, head to my local Starbucks, grab a Venti, eight-pump, nonfat, no water Chai latte and park myself at a table for the afternoon with music playing in my headphones and my fingers making music on the keyboard of my laptop.

My children have provided me with more than twenty years of laughter, tears and love and there are many more stories waiting to be told. 

Born and raised in Connecticut with five siblings, Maryann Morehouse was surrounded by the people she loved and spent time in the place that spoke to her heart. Maryann found herself in search of the right words to convey her thoughts and feelings, even through life's bumps, nothing could detour Maryann from her path of finding solace and strength by creating worlds of her own. Her books are available on Amazon, Nobody Would Believe and A Promise on a Star.

Mom Writers Stripping Down

I'm introducing a new feature on Stripping Down to help create a supportive writing community. I'll be including guest posts from other mom writers reflecting on their experiences of motherhood and writing. 

We all have experiences or jobs from our pasts that we view as negative. Instead of letting those things constantly hold us back in life, we can look them squarely in the face and learn from them.

Are you a writer mom? Would you like to share with other moms? Send me an email and maybe you'll be the next guest writer!

I hope you'll enjoy reading these posts on "Stripping Down" metaphorically and perhaps they'll shed some light on how to navigate the sometimes tricky path of motherhood and life as a writer.

Mom + Writer = Magic

by Marcie Perez

I have loved writing since I was ten years old. Writing was an outlet for me growing up. Both of my brothers were older—one was out of high school and one was almost out. My parents separated for a little bit and writing was something I always had, along with music. No matter what I was feeling, I wrote, even if only a line or two.

I remember wanting to be a songwriter and a singer before I started smoking and messed up my voice. I remember the first time I went to the Warner Brothers Store and begged my mom for a Tweety Bird notebook.

Marcie Perez

My mom told me she would get it for me another time. I came home and found it on my bed after I took a shower. The first thing I remember doing was watching MTV and a Britney Spears song came on; I started writing my own lyrics and short stories. I converted my songs into poems when I realized I would not be entering the music scene.

Earlier this year, after being unemployed for a year, I said to my husband, "I am sick and tired of not being able to find work. I am going to apply to an online college, so I can still look for work, be a mom and be the best wife I can be." Since I enrolled in college, I have been able to go full force with my writing. I write about love, feeling alone, and struggles with my weight (I had a weak immune system, so doctors always gave me steroids, which made me bigger).

My writing process varies: sometimes I just write it all out on paper and sort it out when I am done, other times I will write an idea down, do an outline, then take it step by step.

I write first on paper. I normally have a notebook dedicated just to writing. I sometimes get sidetracked and start drawing. Occasionally, my drawing leads to a story.

I try not to have any concerns. If I have a writer’s block, I put my pen and paper down and walk away. I do something like watch TV, go for a walk, or work out. The best medicine I have is to turn the music up and just dance.

What excites me about writing is that I love coming up with ideas. I have been through a lot and recently I have written a lot about my past and about how we can fix things today. I was in an abusive relationship and I finally broke out of it. After a year spent being single and finding myself, I was ready to date. I met my husband through an online dating service. Now that I have found my Prince Charming and am living my fairytale, I feel inspired to write about love.

I have also written about the struggles and the great times I've had with my son, who is almost thirteen years old. I have known him since he was ten. He has been through so much bad stuff in his life, but it has led him to good through losing weight and getting good grades. He now loves to read and will take thirty books out of the library at a time. He loves to draw, listen to music and is always ready to try something once.

Growing up, I was always a go-getter, but reserved. The past few years I have felt like a new person. Being a mom is special. My son hates the word "step" and will tell everyone not to say it. My son has taught me to be a better person and always keeps me on my toes. We "as a family" are always ready to try everything—at least once.

Sexual Objectification in American Apparel Must Be the Biggest Joke Played On Us EVER!

American Apparel Unisex Flannels...Hey, it's a flannel...button up!

American Apparel likes to push the envelope in their advertising.

And by "push the envelope" I mean they like to see just how much they can sexually objectify women in their advertising to get attention for their brand, but not push it so far as to lose their female customers.

But what I find so interesting is that it feels like they're mocking their customers with some sick joke to see just how glaring they can make their scheme before someone says--What the @#$%?!

Well, Business Insider's "American Apparel's 'Unisex' Ads Portray Men And Women Very Differently," was just enough to push my envelope into the--You're joking, right, American Apparel?!

The blatant sexual objectification of women wearing flannel shirts in all sorts of sexy, come-hither poses is absurd and demeaning next to the shots of male models wearing the same types of shirts all buttoned up and shown in normal day-to-day human activities.

Hey...What did I do with my pants?

They may argue it's "Art," but to me it just seems ridiculous.

Let's smoke and wear pants with our flannels! You know, because we're men!

I can't be the only one like--what are they trying to prove? Why would women buy from a company that thinks it's fine to let men have personalities and women only have sexuality?

You know you want to buy this jacket, ladies...

I mean, come on. Enough already.

Hey dudes, like my keen jacket?

It's got to be a joke, right?

Right?!

A Girl's Need to Feel: Purposeful, Accomplished and Special

I was a huge fan of Little House on the Prairie when I was a girl; I read all the books by Laura Ingalls Wilder and then watched and rewatched the television series.

Another one of the series’ star came out with a memoir, MSNBC reports: Former child star reveals mom’s cruelty in memoir: "Little House on the Prairie" actress’ success fueled by pride, pressure from hermother.

Melissa Francis played Cassandra Cooper Ingalls on the hit television series. In an excerpt from her book, Diary of a Stage Mother's Daughter: A Memoir, she talks about her childhood and her relationship with her mother.

“The day I won that part may have been the highlight of Mom’s life. Our two years on Little House on the Prairie were without question her happiest. There was no reason for me to talk back, or for her to take a scissor to my favorite shirt in front of me in response. I cried on cue, the adoration on the set enveloped me. Rebukes from Mom were short-lived, lest I show up for work uncooperative. But in truth, we were both so happy there was nothing to struggle over. She woke me at 5 am to make an early call and we worked well into the evening, but I loved the sense of purpose an acting job gave me, as well as the sense of accomplishment, and, of course, feeling so very special.”

What strikes me is how much what she says in the final line resonates with what I have written about and how I have described my experience in my teens: but I loved the sense of purpose an acting job gave me, as well as the sense of accomplishment, and, of course, feeling so very special.

Reading this in someone else’s words just makes me realize how important those needs are for some girls. And I’m wondering what we can learn from this description of young womanhood.

How do we give our girls ways to meet those needs, but in healthy ways?

How can we help our daughters to feel purposeful, accomplished and special through age-appropriate and beneficial rituals or activities?

I am not knocking acting for young girls; I think there are many good aspects of it. But I want to find ways for my daughter to feel all these empowering feelings without having to “perform.”

How to Improve Women's Body Image

I love these simple ideas for improving body image at Psych Central: Body Image Booster: Keep it Simple.

The blog asks: What’s the simplest way you’ll build a more positive body image?

I especially relate to this simple tip:

Move my body, because that’s when I feel most powerful. To me feeling empowered is part of a positive body image. Moving can be anything from going to the gym to stretching to taking a walk outside to swimming in the pool to riding my bike.

Such a great and different focus! Instead of simply talking about all the body image problems women have, they offer weekly advice on how to improve our sense of ourselves.

"Glam-Me" National Moms Night Out Event

 I'll be speaking at the Mommy's Links sponsored event "Glam-Me" Girls Night Out tonight.

Celebrating NATIONAL MOMS NIGHT OUT, focusing in WOMEN’S EMPOWERMENT!

Thursday, May 10, 2012
6:00 PM TO 10:00 PM
The Society Studios
317 Rutledge Street
Brooklyn, NY 11206
(Between Harrison Avenue and Broadway)

And just for being my friend and all, you can purchase discounted tickets today as a VIP guest!

I hope to see you there!