How to Make Commitments: One Day at a Time

I have not been posting on my blog for a long time. Working full-time while also parenting and freelance writing takes up most of my days. I also try to work on some larger writing projects too, although with no big chunks of time, this has proven difficult.

To get anything done, I have found that making small daily commitments works best for me.

On my Instagram account, @sheilamhageman, for example, I have committed to #OneYogaPoseADay, posing and posting one yoga pose a day. This is the biggest commitment that I can comfortably make to yoga right now, but at least it keeps me active in yoga and creativity in a tiny way.

One yoga pose a day. Justin Trudeau and me doing mayurasana. Ok, well...one of us may be doing a #fakeasana in honor of #fakenews. But we both are rocking it! #oneyogaposeaday #yogafun #yogaaddict #justintrudeau #canada #cdnpoli #mayurasana #peacock #canadalovesyoga #yogaeverydamnday #yogainheels #om #yogalove #yogaforeveryone #funnymemes @gregkolz

A post shared by Sheila Hageman (@sheilamhageman) on Mar 14, 2017 at 11:11am PDT

I also have committed to sending out one pitch a day during the work week to make sure I am constantly pitching freelance essays. This has been doable and is keeping me writing everyday.

Another commitment I tried to make was editing at least one page of a large work-in-progress or writing at least one page of one my larger projects. I didn't succeed fully on this one yet. I have been giving in to sleep!

I won't be hard on myself though, I will try again, starting today. (Always start today, not tomorrow, with a new commitment!)

So, back to the drawing board...or writing board, or laptop, that is!

Why don't you give it a try?

Make one tiny commitment that will move a project forward. Make it very small to begin...

Girls Like Dinosaurs, Too

Bravo to the mompreneurs highlighted in CNN’s #ClothesWithoutLimits: Fed-up moms create their own clothing for girls.

These moms, whose daughters were not into the typical Justice pink, purple and sparkle clothing, created their own clothing lines that include shirts for girls with what most would describe as “typical boy” imagery: dinosaurs, soccer balls, tools.

Because not all girls want to be princesses—or look like them.

How fabulous that in the future girls might be able to go to their local shop and find clothing that suits everybody.

Speaking of suits, one of the moms is even trying to create a line of suits for girls, Suit Her.

While it may be awhile before we start seeing clothing lines like Princess Free Zone or Girls Will Be in our local stores, thanks to the Internet, girls are being given more options in how they can see themselves and present themselves to the world.

Dream Bigger, Then Grow

By Michelle Worthington

The quote that sums up my writing mission is, "Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself."

First, you have to work. Nothing comes easy in this life and your passion must be proportionate to the size of your goal. I am not afraid of hard work.

Second, keep working until you make it happen. It might be a long hard slog and there will be times you want to give up, but your tenacity must be stronger than your self-doubt.

Finally, be known as an expert in your field. Some people may mistake my goal of brand recognition as vanity or showmanship, but I can't help people if they don't know who I am. I can't share my story with them, inspire them or make a difference in this world if I sit back and wait for them to come looking for me. 

They won't.

Photo of Michelle Worthington

I have never implied I am more talented, special or worthy than anyone else and that is not what marketing yourself as a brand is about.  I can promise you that as long as I see a need, I will try to fill it. It is my duty, not only to myself, but to my children and my community to use my talents to increase the greater good. I will work hard so that when people hear my name, they will smile.

My second goal is to be interviewed on breakfast television about my writing.  The third is to increase brand awareness of Michelle Worthington, Author, on social media. The fourth is to sell more books. The final goal is to get speaking engagements nationally at writers’ festivals and women's groups where most authors make the majority of their income.

Providing for my family and setting a good example for our kids is above other things why I want to be successful. Strangely enough, I wouldn't put this as my top reason for wanting to be a writer. When your goal is hard, and your dream is bigger than your comfort zone, can living a dream for someone else really be enough to keep you motivated?

Is it so awful to want to achieve something just for yourself? Have we become so scared of being labeled 'selfish' and a 'bad mother' because we want to feel good about ourselves for something we alone have accomplished?  My kids love me and they want me to be happy, so does hubby. But, do they want the dream I have? Do they share my passion? The answer is no. Doing it for them is not enough. I have to do it for myself. What other people think of me is a huge achievement-blocker that needs to be overcome because when my goal becomes difficult to reach, it will be easy to stop and justify failure by saying it didn't turn out to be the right thing for my family and I will listen to the million reasons why I shouldn't keep trying.

What if it was the right thing for me and I just gave in because it meant my family would have had to make some changes and sacrifices for me to achieve it? My goal will also create my sanity and is my salvation. When I do achieve my goals, with the love and support of my family, it will be something I have done for myself and I want to be proud of that.

Embrace Your Inner Madonna

Perhaps it’s because I was a teenager when Madonna was first hitting it big in the 1908s, but I still hold a spot in my heart for her ability to stay relevant in our fast-moving, youth-loving culture.

And perhaps it has something to do with being a bit of a rebellion myself when I was younger by embracing my sexuality and expressing it as a stripper and nude model, but I can’t get on the bandwagon and bash Madonna’s performance at the Grammy’s.

The Daily Mail called it:

Hordes of toyboys, buttock flashing and semi-naked pictureson social media... So when WILL (56-year-old) Madonna grow up?

and

Madonna, 56, takes to the Grammys stage for yet another cringe worthy performance as she simulates sex with her male dancers

The message repeated ad nauseum seems to be that it’s OK for young artists to show cleavage and butt, but when it comes to anyone over the age of thirty—whoa! Better reign it in, old lady!

But even worse than her age is that she’s a mother!

Dear God! No! A mom who wants to continue a life of her own? A mom who believes she still gets to be who she is no matter how old she is or how many kids she has?

I’m not saying every mom should run out there and flash her body to the world, but if it’s what Madonna wants to do, then her age or parental status should have nothing to do with it.

Madonna is doing all of us mothers a favor by showing we can still embrace our Rebel Hearts.

Age is just a number.

Parental status is just one aspect of what makes up a person.

Celebrate who you are and what you want to do in life and how you want to express it.

Embrace your inner Madonna.

Express your Rebel Heart.

How I Used Writing to Nail My Message and Grow My Business

By Ling Wong, Guest Blogger

I started my blog with the intention to promote the former iteration of my business. It was a marketing technique to drive traffic through the use of SEO.

The blog stayed the same for a few years, until I went through a transformative experience in revamping my business to go in a different direction, giving birth to Business Soulwork.

During the entire process, I used writing to explore what was happening on a deeper level.

Photo of Ling Wong, Guest Blogger

The decision to publish everything on my blog and share it with my followers was a challenge to my own fear of being vulnerable, which turned out to be a big step for me to explore and overcome my insecurity and mindset hurdles.

Publishing my truth also solidified the conviction I have about my message. Every time I write, I get more clarity.

The process of committing to writing and publishing is transformative in and of itself. Steve Pressfield described it well in his book “Turning Pro” by explaining it boils down to the commitment and the gumption we need to stick with it and make something really happen.

This journey also changed the way I approach writing. Before, I would think about what title I “should” come up with for SEO, or what content I “should” generate to sell something.

Now, I have developed a conviction about my message that leads to a level of commitment that fuels the gumption to sit down and write most days.  There are no more “should’s.” There is only my unique perspective.

I help Maverick Entrepreneurs nail their message, claim their superpowers and muster up the guts to monetize their truth so they can fully express their individuality and creativity in a profitable personality-driven business. I believe we can step into our vision, passion and conviction, and build a business around what is true for us, instead of conforming to the "what is supposed to be" and water down our message.

My process is organic and intuitive. I have to write about whatever moves me because if I try to force something out, the passion and energy is not there and the piece will not be successful.

Writing has helped me define my own journey and refine my message. If one is afraid of starting because she doesn't know what her message is, just start somewhere.

I get still and allow ideas to come through. When I sit down to type, I set an intention to stay open, let my fingers “get loose” if guidance comes through and be pleasantly surprised by what ends up on the page.

I have to overcome my own fears to say what I need to say and hit "publish." This will hopefully encourage others to step up and own their conviction, instead of hiding behind fears or "being nice."

Sometimes I write things that are opinionated and controversial. It can be a challenge to stay with the original “drive” behind the piece and to not water it down so I can feel “safe.” I have to work with the fear of rejection, or of being criticized, so my message can be communicated fully, loudly and unapologetically.

Author Bio

Through her unique blend of Business + Marketing coaching with a Mindset + Psychic Twist, Ling Wong helps Maverick Entrepreneurs nail their message, claim their superpowers and muster up the GUTS to monetize their Truth so they can build a purposeful and profitable Personality-Driven business that is a full expression of their creativity and individuality.

Find Ling and download her free “Monetize Your Truth” Mindset + Marketing training bundle.

My Belly Will Never Be the Same

Australian model Erin McNaught is the latest woman to post a mommy body photo on Instagram. Her photo shows her in a bikini four weeks after giving birth.

''4 weeks PP [post partum] and I'm starting to get my stomach back!

Aside from lots of walking and eating healthily, I've been doing loads of pelvic floor and transverse abdominus exercises. Still no traditional ab work though which is driving me crazy! #bodyafterbaby”

The comments range from congratulatory messages for her being so healthy and working hard to the negative observations that this sends a bad message to other new moms.

There are already so many pressures placed upon women to look a certain way and be a certain way as moms, that a photo and message like this can trigger negative thoughts and behaviors in non-model moms.

The worst part of photos like this though is that it sets up a certain ideal unconsciously in women’s minds.

When I gave birth to my first child, I had never seen a post-pregnancy belly before, except for toned abs like McNaught’s.

When I looked down at my belly in the days following the birth of my daughter, I was scared. I thought my abs would never be seen again. If I had only seen other moms and their squishy post-pregnancy bellies, I wouldn’t have been so worried that there was something wrong with me.

My post-pregnancy belly

My belly button looked like a cork popping out of my round midsection.

I took a photo out of bewilderment. Would this ever reverse itself?

My belly has somewhat returned to a normal state, but regardless of how much ab work, or exercises, or dieting I do, it looks like I will always have a wonky looking belly.

Am I jealous of women like McNaught?

No. I know that every woman is different. Every body is different.

Should she be showing off her trim tummy for all to see? It’s her prerogative.

I am not one to speak, having at one time been photographed looking good. Having once made a living based on what my body looked like.

My pre-pregnancy belly

Did I ever make another woman feel bad about herself? I never really thought about it quite like that before.

Do women have a responsibility to other women when it comes to their beauty? Is there a difference between celebrating ourselves and showing off?

Should there be?

Should intent matter when it comes to sharing photos of ourselves? 

Should we have to consider how other people will react to our photos? Either out of jealousy for our killer abs or even revulsion for our wrinkly, stretch-marked bellies?

Through the Fires: Writing, Life and Motherhood

By Alicia Ogg

I started reading and writing when I was 4-years-old. I used to make little books, mostly about my cat (c-a-t being the first word I ever wrote). I still have some of these books, which my mother would cut and staple together for me to read to her. My creativity was always encouraged and realized; as I got older, it was something I took for granted. I've written in a journal since the age of six, using it as my safe place to organize my thoughts—a form of catharsis and therapy.

Photo of Alicia Ogg - Mom Writer

In 1995 when I was 14, my home burned down while all of us were sleeping. I'm the oldest of four and everyone was able to get out safely, but I couldn't stop blaming myself for putting the clothes in the dryer before I went to bed, the cause of my family's loss of all of our possessions and home.

I lost almost all of my writing in the fire. My mom did find a box that had some of my art and some of the little books I'd written that had been stuffed under the bed and between other things, so it was protected, so I still have a peek at what I was like. After the fire, I separated my life into two sections—it was always “before” and “after” the fire. I feel like I lost a huge part of myself, and while I've been able to gain some of it back, I've lost so many memories from not having my early journals available. It still makes me sad, especially when I hear of others who go through situations of loss. Writing helped me get through it and have an avenue to express myself.

Writing notebooks of poems was my way to purge my teen angst. I was then diagnosed with clinical depression as a sophomore in high school. I felt that I was unlovable and even if I ever found someone to marry me (did I even want to be married?), I would never bring children into this horrible world to suffer so much pain. I was hospitalized for two weeks because I couldn't think about anything except death, although the actual act of dying terrified (and still terrifies) me. All I remember while being there was writing and drawing pictures to pass the time.

I'm ready to revisit my past through writing and am in a much more objective space now that I'm older. Writing for me has been a private act for the most part, although I've never had trouble telling others about my experiences. My hope is that letting others read about my circumstances will help them in some way, moms particularly.

When writing or painting, my biggest concern is that I won't be able to translate my thoughts and feelings as explicitly as I want to, to get my meaning across the way I want. College was spent learning that no matter what you do, you can't control what someone else will get out of your art. My concerns and excitement about putting my writing out there are sort of one in the same and for me depends on the reader's reaction or response.

I recently tuned into NPR when they were talking about memory and new findings about how they've actually formulated a drug that can erase things that you don't want to remember (at least in mice for now.) The more often you revisit a certain memory, the less real it becomes. Each time you're actually just revisiting the memory of the memory of the memory. While listening, I felt glad that I had written down my past while the event and feelings were occurring because I always have a fresh, original memory to go back to. Sure, the meaning changes depending on age and circumstances, like reading 'Catcher in the Rye' when you're out of college vs. 12 years old, even though the words are the same.

Since having children, two boys, one just turned five and the other will be two at the end of January, time has flown by. When I had my second, I couldn't believe that my older boy had ever been that little. You think you're going to remember every single moment, but in two years I'd forgotten some of the things I went through during pregnancy.

Photo of Alicia Ogg and her children

You can call it 'mommy-brain' or 'pregnancy brain,' but the reality is, you can't remember every minute of every day of your or your children's lives. If it's true that you're just remembering a memory of a memory, I think it’s important to write down experiences when they’re fresh in your mind.

I'd always send my friend (what he found to be hilarious) emails about all the weird things I was going through during pregnancy, or the funny things my boys do and say, so I go back and read those, too. It doesn't have to be a lot, just little tidbits can jog your brain into going back to that day when he said his first word or she started to unzip her own coat, or that weird thing your baby's been doing in your belly that makes your kidneys feel like they're in your throat. I'm so glad I've documented my life and my kid's lives through writing so I have those memories preserved.

Writing and Chai (Because It's Cheaper Than Therapy)

Please welcome guest blogger Maryann Morehouse to Stripping Down as she discusses how she managed to balance single motherhood and writing…

Writing and Chai 

(Because It's Cheaper Than Therapy)

by Maryann Morehouse

For me, writing became my therapy; my former marriage left me with some emotional scars. Now, compared to other divorced people, my scars are more of the Harry Potter, sort of cool looking scars, rather than the deep tortured scars that so many others harbor. I choose not to dwell on the pain of the divorce; instead, I focused my energy on making sure I raised my kids to be happy and healthy, both physically and emotionally.

Maryann Morehouse

I wrote my first book several years ago when my son was forced to partake in summer school due to his apparent allergy to homework. At the time, I was unemployed, a single mom with two kids and had a mortgage that I couldn’t afford. Gas prices were averaging around four dollars a gallon and he attended school seventeen miles from home. My daughter and I would get up each morning, drag him out of bed, drive him to school, kick him out of the car and head to Starbucks where we would sit for the next five hours while he attended make-up classes. During that time, I began writing a story, as I had done since college. The story was just for fun and I did not intend to share it with anyone other than some select friends, but it seemed to take on a life of its own as other people asked me if they could read it.

I would write during the day and at night publish the chapters on Facebook, each time getting positive feedback and encouragement. This was like pure gold to me. I could even justify the cost of the gas because it meant I had time to sit and do what I love while also having the bonus effect of making my son realize that he never wanted to go to summer school again.

Mom for the win!

Nowadays, my children are adults, I work close to fifty hours a week at a job that I enjoy and unbelievably, gas prices are lower now than they were back then. My love of writing has only grown stronger and I’ve been fortunate enough to self-publish a couple of books, together they have been downloaded more than 8,000 times, which blows my mind.

My schedule is more hectic than it was when they were younger, but because my writing is important to me, I schedule my writing sessions like I scheduled their doctor’s appointments when they were younger. I book time for me and my “therapy.” I will block off several hours on a weekend, head to my local Starbucks, grab a Venti, eight-pump, nonfat, no water Chai latte and park myself at a table for the afternoon with music playing in my headphones and my fingers making music on the keyboard of my laptop.

My children have provided me with more than twenty years of laughter, tears and love and there are many more stories waiting to be told. 

Born and raised in Connecticut with five siblings, Maryann Morehouse was surrounded by the people she loved and spent time in the place that spoke to her heart. Maryann found herself in search of the right words to convey her thoughts and feelings, even through life's bumps, nothing could detour Maryann from her path of finding solace and strength by creating worlds of her own. Her books are available on Amazon, Nobody Would Believe and A Promise on a Star.

Mom Writers Stripping Down

I'm introducing a new feature on Stripping Down to help create a supportive writing community. I'll be including guest posts from other mom writers reflecting on their experiences of motherhood and writing. 

We all have experiences or jobs from our pasts that we view as negative. Instead of letting those things constantly hold us back in life, we can look them squarely in the face and learn from them.

Are you a writer mom? Would you like to share with other moms? Send me an email and maybe you'll be the next guest writer!

I hope you'll enjoy reading these posts on "Stripping Down" metaphorically and perhaps they'll shed some light on how to navigate the sometimes tricky path of motherhood and life as a writer.

Mom + Writer = Magic

by Marcie Perez

I have loved writing since I was ten years old. Writing was an outlet for me growing up. Both of my brothers were older—one was out of high school and one was almost out. My parents separated for a little bit and writing was something I always had, along with music. No matter what I was feeling, I wrote, even if only a line or two.

I remember wanting to be a songwriter and a singer before I started smoking and messed up my voice. I remember the first time I went to the Warner Brothers Store and begged my mom for a Tweety Bird notebook.

Marcie Perez

My mom told me she would get it for me another time. I came home and found it on my bed after I took a shower. The first thing I remember doing was watching MTV and a Britney Spears song came on; I started writing my own lyrics and short stories. I converted my songs into poems when I realized I would not be entering the music scene.

Earlier this year, after being unemployed for a year, I said to my husband, "I am sick and tired of not being able to find work. I am going to apply to an online college, so I can still look for work, be a mom and be the best wife I can be." Since I enrolled in college, I have been able to go full force with my writing. I write about love, feeling alone, and struggles with my weight (I had a weak immune system, so doctors always gave me steroids, which made me bigger).

My writing process varies: sometimes I just write it all out on paper and sort it out when I am done, other times I will write an idea down, do an outline, then take it step by step.

I write first on paper. I normally have a notebook dedicated just to writing. I sometimes get sidetracked and start drawing. Occasionally, my drawing leads to a story.

I try not to have any concerns. If I have a writer’s block, I put my pen and paper down and walk away. I do something like watch TV, go for a walk, or work out. The best medicine I have is to turn the music up and just dance.

What excites me about writing is that I love coming up with ideas. I have been through a lot and recently I have written a lot about my past and about how we can fix things today. I was in an abusive relationship and I finally broke out of it. After a year spent being single and finding myself, I was ready to date. I met my husband through an online dating service. Now that I have found my Prince Charming and am living my fairytale, I feel inspired to write about love.

I have also written about the struggles and the great times I've had with my son, who is almost thirteen years old. I have known him since he was ten. He has been through so much bad stuff in his life, but it has led him to good through losing weight and getting good grades. He now loves to read and will take thirty books out of the library at a time. He loves to draw, listen to music and is always ready to try something once.

Growing up, I was always a go-getter, but reserved. The past few years I have felt like a new person. Being a mom is special. My son hates the word "step" and will tell everyone not to say it. My son has taught me to be a better person and always keeps me on my toes. We "as a family" are always ready to try everything—at least once.

Should We All Drop Our Tops When We Want To Be Heard?

The Montserrat Moms Seated Together For A Publicity Photo (AP)

Two stories in the news have me questioning and really wondering what people think about stripping down as an act of defiance and attention-getting.

Inna Shevchenko, leader of women's movement Femen and “sextremist” discusses her organization’s latest stunt at Notre Dame in Femen's Blasphemy in Notre Dame. Femen is a group of women who strip topless to protest when they see injustices. Their latest performance was supposed to be a celebration of the resignation of the Pope and a rallying cry against the church.

I am one of the first to have issues with the Catholic church and its treatment of women, but at the same time it is a religion and I wouldn’t do something in a place that others hold sacred just to get my own agenda across. Their whole stunt feels tacky and self-serving.

Meanwhile, from Spain, comes another story with women stripping down in the name of something they believe in—Spanish moms strip down to save school bus: Skin to Win! by George Mallet.

“In Montserrat, Spain, 10 mothers are showing some serious skin in a sexy calendar being sold to raise money in the face of Spain's austerity measures. The proceeds are being used to restore a reduction in bus service for 600 elementary school students.”

So a bunch of moms weren’t about to stand around while their kids’ school bus was taken away and they did what they thought would raise the most funds—pose for a sexy calendar.

As all the attention both of these stories are receiving shows, sometimes just doing something in the buff can get you the publicity you want to get your side of things out there or save something you need.

So the questions remain…should nudity be used to get attention? Are there some cases where it’s more acceptable and some that are just too risqué and “morally” questionable? Or should we all just strip down when we want to be heard?