How to Make Commitments: One Day at a Time

I have not been posting on my blog for a long time. Working full-time while also parenting and freelance writing takes up most of my days. I also try to work on some larger writing projects too, although with no big chunks of time, this has proven difficult.

To get anything done, I have found that making small daily commitments works best for me.

On my Instagram account, @sheilamhageman, for example, I have committed to #OneYogaPoseADay, posing and posting one yoga pose a day. This is the biggest commitment that I can comfortably make to yoga right now, but at least it keeps me active in yoga and creativity in a tiny way.

One yoga pose a day. Justin Trudeau and me doing mayurasana. Ok, well...one of us may be doing a #fakeasana in honor of #fakenews. But we both are rocking it! #oneyogaposeaday #yogafun #yogaaddict #justintrudeau #canada #cdnpoli #mayurasana #peacock #canadalovesyoga #yogaeverydamnday #yogainheels #om #yogalove #yogaforeveryone #funnymemes @gregkolz

A post shared by Sheila Hageman (@sheilamhageman) on Mar 14, 2017 at 11:11am PDT

I also have committed to sending out one pitch a day during the work week to make sure I am constantly pitching freelance essays. This has been doable and is keeping me writing everyday.

Another commitment I tried to make was editing at least one page of a large work-in-progress or writing at least one page of one my larger projects. I didn't succeed fully on this one yet. I have been giving in to sleep!

I won't be hard on myself though, I will try again, starting today. (Always start today, not tomorrow, with a new commitment!)

So, back to the drawing board...or writing board, or laptop, that is!

Why don't you give it a try?

Make one tiny commitment that will move a project forward. Make it very small to begin...

#YogaEveryDamnDay

My body is on the mat This much I know Can this be enough For one day #yoga #yogaforpeace #yogaeverydamnday #inspiration #onedayatatime

A photo posted by Sheila Hageman (@sheilamhageman) on Nov 19, 2015 at 5:36am PST

Body Positive and Proud

Big Gal Yoga shows that anyone, any size, can practice yoga and even be flexible.

Valerie discovered yoga the same way I did, in a college class.

She was hooked.

And now, she shares photos of herself and her body positive message to encourage everyone to practice yoga, no matter what body type they may have.

She exudes a serene vibe and I feel like she really believes her message.

Another woman encouraging us with her body positive and breaking expectations style is Molly Soda, an artist sharing photos of what she looks like in what some might say are unflattering circumstances.

Soda is shattering the selfie expectation, which is usually of women trying to look their very best, by showing the parts of her that many women try to hide, like body hair and an unmade-up face.

The more women who share their “truths,” the more we will all feel more comfortable to embrace and share our own realities without distortion.

Eat Right and Exercise for a Bounce Back Body--Or Maybe Not

The uptick in celebrities sharing after-birth photos of their bodies looks like it’s here to stay.

At first, we were mostly treated to photos of the women who snapped back into shape in what seemed like overnight.

People magazine had a photo segment called Body After Baby: Star Moms Who Bounced Right Back. The piece is introduced like this:

Check out Blake Lively, Zoë Saldana, Mila Kunis and more stars flaunting their post-pregnancy figures. There's even one famous mama who hit a red carpet 11 (!) days after giving birth.

 

Credit: Evan Agostini/Invision/AP; Stephen Lovekin/Getty

I felt buoyed up by Hilaria Baldwin’s after photo, which shows what many mothers probably recognize—the after-baby-but-still-there-bump.

@HilariaBaldwin/Instagram

Revolutionary! Show your still-there-bump loud and proud!

Yes, there are some women who definitely do return right back to their original figure, but a larger percentage of women never look the same after birth.

After three children, my body has definitely changed.

I photographed my belly after my last birth; I knew it would get better eventually and I’d be able to look back and say, thank goodness.

Hmm, why would I want to save photos of my poor, wrinkly flesh after having been stretched to the limit for nine months and then suddenly deflated? Perhaps as evidence of the  sacrifice I made for my children.

Then today I saw a quote from Baldwin, which made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

The yoga teacher told the DailyMail: “Giving birth to Carmen made me realize the body does go back to what it was before…If you eat healthy and treat your body well, it will go back to its original state.”

Sorry to burst any bubbles, but—Yes, your body may go back to its original state, but…it probably won’t.

Eating healthy and exercising will obviously give you the best shot at having your body look the way it did before baby, but trust me when I say, that is not necessarily true.

I have still not come to terms with how my belly looks.

I have tried to love it and celebrate it and be proud of it.

I could lie and say I love my belly wrinkles, but I do not.

I don’t know whether to hide it so as to not scare small children or display it as a feminist badge.

All I do know is that I want to love my body just as it is. And I am trying my hardest to get there.

A Quick and Easy Yoga Energy Boost

No matter how you’re feeling, five minutes of yoga can only improve that feeling.

As hard as it can be to get moving when you are feeling depressed, it is exactly what you need.

I will admit I don’t always take my own advice, but when I do, I am always grateful.

So, what are you waiting for? Take a quick five-minute yoga break. It doesn’t have to look any certain way or even be any “real” yoga poses—just move your body and feel the energy boost!

Yoga Pick Me Up to "Waves" by Mr. Probz

When I first began making my dance videos last year, they were meant to help push me into joy. I think they helped me to remember how important it is for me to have some sort of outer expression of my internal joy and that I really want to share the joy I feel with the world.

I want to show others who suffer from depression that there is hope for us all; we have to be willing to step out of our comfort zones sometimes though when it comes to finding help that will work.

I’m still trying to find what therapeutic methods work best for me and how I might be able to help others find relief, too.

In that light, I thought I would try my hand at some yoga videos to share the joy I experience when I’m flowing through some asanas.

It truly is hard to feel depressed when your body is moving to some music that you love.

So, even if you’ve never tried yoga before, this is a great way to start. When you need a pick me up, if you can remember and convince yourself to move, even just for the length of a song, you may feel better.

Please forgive my beginner video skills, which cause my head to get chopped off. And Tiger Lilly makes a brief appearance.

The Struggling Mom Wants to Break the Cycle

I was just looking through the comics I had tried doing awhile ago.

Well, awhile ago turns out to be 2008! Really, Sheila? Seven years ago I was writing about the same things I'm dealing with today, except add one more kid into the mix?

This is perhaps why I don't like to make New Year's resolutions. They seem to serve to make me regret what I don't accomplish as opposed to being happy for any little triumphs.

I wanted to keep working on my comics and try to further my drawing, but I didn't.

And it seems I'm still the "struggling mom."

Always trying, but never achieving.

Always being too hard on myself.

Maybe I should make a resolution...to not be so hard on myself. To accept what is.

But if I'm not able to actually do that, will I just see it as another failure on my part?

Seems like an endless circle set up to make sure I stay stuck.

Perhaps I am a walking, talking example of a fulfilling prophecy.

Perhaps my resolution instead should be to figure out how to break the cycle.

Blister in the Sun

I'm happy to say I just finished grading my last batch of research papers. I have one class of final exams left to read, then I need to figure out final grades and then I am done for the semester.

I'm ready to move forward. Part of that may be stopping my dance videos. I think I've gotten a lot out of doing them: I practiced letting the need to be perfect go; I learned to trust myself; I had fun.



Now I'm ready to figure out the next step on my path of writing, dancing, performing fun!

I Love It!

Sometimes you’ve just got to say, “I don’t care!”

Well, I do, anyway. Some people actually probably should care a little more, but not me. I usually care too much.

So, as I prepare to go proctor my final exam and hand back three plagiarized papers, I chose a song to just not care to as I dance.

And it felt good.

One Woman Show?

OK. I think I know what I want to work on now.

These past few months, or really this whole last year, has been about me trying to figure out where I want to go next, what kind of large writing project I want to work on.

I’d like to continue to push myself to write at least one essay-sized piece every week or two, but I think I need to really start fleshing out a performance piece. A one-woman show.

I’ve wanted to do this for so long.

Last year, I helped a friend of mine birth her one-woman show and now I’d like to really give myself that space, that mental and emotional allowance to make the story come alive.

I stumbled on Alison Arngrim yesterday when I was surfing the web; she wrote “Confessions of a Prairie Bitch: How I Survived Nellie Oleson and Learned to Love Being Hated” as a memoir and then turned it into a one-woman/comedy show.

I wonder if I could do something similar. Take some material from “Stripping Down” and rewrite it into a performance piece.

I saw a comment someone wrote on an interview with Arngrim along the lines of—Man, talk about milking all you can from a TV character you played a zillion years ago. Geez!

I sometimes question whether I’m milking my life as a stripper for material to write about, but it’s more like—that was my experience. An experience that affected me tremendously on so many levels. You don’t just write about something like that once or twice and be done.

At least not for me. I see nothing wrong with mining the same life experiences to see what new insights I can discover from them.

Don't Have a Heart Attack or Anything

Lots of stuff stirring in my mind. Maybe I question myself too much about my motives.

When I was talking to my husband about making silly Vine videos, I said that I want to make people laugh.

He said, innocently, “No, you want attention.”

I was all like—what? No! I mean, yes, I like it if people like my videos, just like I like it if people like my writing, but it’s not just for attention.

“If it was just for attention, I could just take out my tits!”

Yes, I said that. I know—hilarious.

The only attention I’d get for going topless now would be a police officer giving me a ticket for indecent exposure.

Bah, dum, dum…crash!

Anyway.

His comment got me a bit riled up. I mean, as a performer or writer, yes, of course, we want people to pay attention. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

But why do I judge myself then? Or why do I allow other people who don’t like, or get, what I do to bother me?

And what is my overall mission with art?

There I go again! Wanting to know my every motivation.

Can it just be enough to know that I want to perform and write?

Vine it, Baby!

Goodness, it’s quite overwhelming how many different ways there are to express ourselves through social media.

I’d heard of Vine before, but just checked it out yesterday.

Who knew that so much could be packed into 6 seconds of video?

For my tutorial, I picked what was in front of me—cats.

For my follow up, I picked the other thing that is often in front of me—kids.

I’m so proud of myself for trying something new. I often hesitate on doing something before I know whether I’m going to be good at it or not, but taping my morning dances and not being plugged in to what other people think is really helping me break out of my rut.

Once we start trying new stuff, it gets easier and easier.

Try it! What have you always secretly wanted to do, but maybe you were afraid people would laugh?

Do it anyway! The reward will be tremendous.

And, oh yeah, if you're on Vine, follow me and I'll follow you!

I Want to be Funny! Maybe...

I am feeling such an itch to perform, but I have zero extra time.

Perhaps I am going to have to get creative in my performance.

I know this is kind of ridiculous, but I’m feeling like I want to be funny. But I’m not one of those people who just says funny things that makes everybody laugh.

The antidote to my depression really seems to be in keeping happy (duh!). In keeping active. In distracting my depression with silliness and fun and funny.

I’m just going to fan this fire a little and see if any ideas come to me…

Let the Feelings Exist

How quickly the winds shift direction. I’m feeling not so good today. The kids were making me nuts all morning with their bickering amongst themselves. The arguments always lead to someone screaming and crying and then I feel like I just can’t take it anymore.

I’m feeling like I don’t know how to manage their problems very well. I just end up yelling at them for yelling.

So, of course, I’m feeling like nothing I do is worth anything and I should just roll over and give up.

I wanted to really lift my spirits through dancing today, but at the same time I felt like I needed to be fair to myself and just acknowledge what I was feeling and dance to express that feeling.

So, not the cheeriest of dances today, but I did at least allow myself to feel like what I was feeling mattered and that the negative feelings didn’t need to be swept out of sight. I let myself feel.

Grading Papers as Procrastination

I feel like I’ve been managing my depression well the last couple of weeks. There haven’t been any major depressive episodes. I’m trying to build on that streak.

I have felt my confidence in my creativity waning though. I go through ups and downs where I feel so gung-ho and like I can write up a storm to feelings of—I’ve got nothing important to say. It’s all been said already.

Thank goodness, I understand writing as a process, which buoys me up when I feel stuck or generally blah with my work.

And hey, I do have a big pile of papers waiting for me to grade them, so I can do that instead of writing!

Nice way to procrastinate, Sheila!

Will Dance (Or, You Know, Stand and Move My Arms a Little) For Fifty Cents

I may have created some little money monsters. The boys wanted to dance with me today…if I would pay them 50 cents.

So I agreed; I like their entrepreneurial spirit.

Then they just kind of stood there. And moved their arms a little bit.

Now I’m fine with that, if that’s how their spirit moves them, but to me it seemed a bit more like at 5 and 3 they’ve already figured out if someone has agreed to pay you for your work, you can do just the bare minimum and collect your wages.

I had a little talk with them afterwards. I now understand why bosses offer bonuses.

If they want to dance, they earn 25 cents for just showing up, but if they want the whole 50 cents enchilada, they’re going to have to put a little passion into their dance.

Let’s see who shows up on the dance floor tomorrow!

Let It Go

Life is constantly changing.

One day your basement is dry, and the next, not so much.

One day your bedroom ceiling is patched and halfway normal, and the next, not so much.

One day you are all caught up on grading and the next, your Canvas account is filled with Research Papers.

The sun is shining and I don’t want to grade papers. I want to sing and dance and laugh and play.

Legos Everywhere

I bribed my kids to dance with me today. Well, I guess it’s not bribery, it’s teaching how to earn money for an honest five-minutes of work.

Of course, they will just save their quarters until they have enough to buy another Lego set. Have you noticed all the bins behind me when I dance? All. Legos.

I’d really like to convince them to get rid of all their other toys because Legos seem to be the only toy that they care about (besides electronics, of course).

My husband loves Legos, too, but for some reason they hold no interest for me. The only aspect that I find interesting is the special characters series that they sell. They’re kind of like trading cards in that you don’t know which one you’re going to get when you buy the packet.

Only we’ve never seen them in the stores. They’re always sold out.

Interesting. I like rare things. Collectible. Special.

All the issues that lie within my own struggle with my depression—a need to feel special. A need to be seen.

Lighten Up

Rainy day, so I need to soak up some dancing sun. I just allowed myself to get a bit silly with my dancing today to lighten my mood.

Rough start to the day when everyone slept late and I discovered I didn’t wash the dishes last night, so no cereal bowls or Tupperware for school lunches. Our school has a strict garbage-free lunch rule, so no plastic bags or anything allowed.

We still managed to get to school on time and while I was feeling myself getting annoyed and growly, I totally was aware of it and tried to laugh at myself.

And now I need to put real clothes and go to work.

Genre Play

Some writers fall very clearly into one genre and do not veer much away from that one style of writing because what they do fits them so well.

I’ve been trying out some new writing genres and styles. I think narrative nonfiction is my safe place, my comfort, but I’ve never felt trapped by the genre.

I also love to write poetry, drama, graphic narratives and humor. I even finished writing a romance novel this year.

I’m practicing immersing myself in new forms and in new ways of expressing myself. Huh—much like I’ve done with my dancing videos.

What I do and why is constantly evolving. I want to keep expressing myself in different forms for fun and for learning where and how I best feel I can truly say/dance/perform what lies within me.