How to Make Commitments: One Day at a Time

I have not been posting on my blog for a long time. Working full-time while also parenting and freelance writing takes up most of my days. I also try to work on some larger writing projects too, although with no big chunks of time, this has proven difficult.

To get anything done, I have found that making small daily commitments works best for me.

On my Instagram account, @sheilamhageman, for example, I have committed to #OneYogaPoseADay, posing and posting one yoga pose a day. This is the biggest commitment that I can comfortably make to yoga right now, but at least it keeps me active in yoga and creativity in a tiny way.

One yoga pose a day. Justin Trudeau and me doing mayurasana. Ok, well...one of us may be doing a #fakeasana in honor of #fakenews. But we both are rocking it! #oneyogaposeaday #yogafun #yogaaddict #justintrudeau #canada #cdnpoli #mayurasana #peacock #canadalovesyoga #yogaeverydamnday #yogainheels #om #yogalove #yogaforeveryone #funnymemes @gregkolz

A post shared by Sheila Hageman (@sheilamhageman) on Mar 14, 2017 at 11:11am PDT

I also have committed to sending out one pitch a day during the work week to make sure I am constantly pitching freelance essays. This has been doable and is keeping me writing everyday.

Another commitment I tried to make was editing at least one page of a large work-in-progress or writing at least one page of one my larger projects. I didn't succeed fully on this one yet. I have been giving in to sleep!

I won't be hard on myself though, I will try again, starting today. (Always start today, not tomorrow, with a new commitment!)

So, back to the drawing board...or writing board, or laptop, that is!

Why don't you give it a try?

Make one tiny commitment that will move a project forward. Make it very small to begin...

When Stripping Feels Like Your Only Option

“Kim” wrote an opinion piece for The Guardian, I work at the US Senate. I shouldn't have to dance at strip clubs to feed my son.

This is a powerful story that highlights how and why some women who wouldn’t normally strip find themselves in situations where stripping becomes the best option they see available.

Kim details her very rough childhood and her amazing struggle to stand on her own two feet as a young woman. Being a single mother, she cannot afford to pay her bills every month unless she strips.

I’m a single mother and I struggle to support my son on the $10.33 an hour I make at one of the most exclusive clubs in America – the US Senate. I’m a cashier employed by the British-owned contractor that runs the cafeterias in the Senate office buildings. But even though I serve some of the wealthiest and most powerful people in the world, I can’t afford to buy my son school supplies or clothes…

When I realized that I couldn’t survive on what I was making at the Senate, I made a difficult decision. Faced with eviction notices and unpaid bills, I decided to dance at a strip club a few nights a week to earn extra money. It was the only job I could find that let me work a flexible schedule and earn a living wage.

I was not in such a desperate situation when I began stripping at 18, but in my naïve mind at the time, I felt a sense of there being no other avenues for me to turn to.

Obviously, that wasn’t true for me, but I believed it and so it became my reality for awhile..

Kim sounds as though stripping really is one of her only viable options to make the money she needs, working the hours she needs.

I don’t want to be a stripper: it can be demeaning to dance for men who show no respect for women. I only do it out of necessity, because I have to support my son…when [the senators] sit down with the primary voters and listen to their problems, I hope they’ll be thinking about my story too – and the tough decisions the workers who serve them every day have to make for the people they love.

I wish I had an answer for Kim and other women like her who feel stripping is their only saving grace.

Right now, all I have to offer are words of encouragement and support that it does get better and will get better.

You are doing what you need to for yourself and your family. Hold your head high and know that you are valuable and valued.

Thank you for sharing your story, Kim.

Embrace Your Inner Madonna

Perhaps it’s because I was a teenager when Madonna was first hitting it big in the 1908s, but I still hold a spot in my heart for her ability to stay relevant in our fast-moving, youth-loving culture.

And perhaps it has something to do with being a bit of a rebellion myself when I was younger by embracing my sexuality and expressing it as a stripper and nude model, but I can’t get on the bandwagon and bash Madonna’s performance at the Grammy’s.

The Daily Mail called it:

Hordes of toyboys, buttock flashing and semi-naked pictureson social media... So when WILL (56-year-old) Madonna grow up?

and

Madonna, 56, takes to the Grammys stage for yet another cringe worthy performance as she simulates sex with her male dancers

The message repeated ad nauseum seems to be that it’s OK for young artists to show cleavage and butt, but when it comes to anyone over the age of thirty—whoa! Better reign it in, old lady!

But even worse than her age is that she’s a mother!

Dear God! No! A mom who wants to continue a life of her own? A mom who believes she still gets to be who she is no matter how old she is or how many kids she has?

I’m not saying every mom should run out there and flash her body to the world, but if it’s what Madonna wants to do, then her age or parental status should have nothing to do with it.

Madonna is doing all of us mothers a favor by showing we can still embrace our Rebel Hearts.

Age is just a number.

Parental status is just one aspect of what makes up a person.

Celebrate who you are and what you want to do in life and how you want to express it.

Embrace your inner Madonna.

Express your Rebel Heart.

How I Used Writing to Nail My Message and Grow My Business

By Ling Wong, Guest Blogger

I started my blog with the intention to promote the former iteration of my business. It was a marketing technique to drive traffic through the use of SEO.

The blog stayed the same for a few years, until I went through a transformative experience in revamping my business to go in a different direction, giving birth to Business Soulwork.

During the entire process, I used writing to explore what was happening on a deeper level.

Photo of Ling Wong, Guest Blogger

The decision to publish everything on my blog and share it with my followers was a challenge to my own fear of being vulnerable, which turned out to be a big step for me to explore and overcome my insecurity and mindset hurdles.

Publishing my truth also solidified the conviction I have about my message. Every time I write, I get more clarity.

The process of committing to writing and publishing is transformative in and of itself. Steve Pressfield described it well in his book “Turning Pro” by explaining it boils down to the commitment and the gumption we need to stick with it and make something really happen.

This journey also changed the way I approach writing. Before, I would think about what title I “should” come up with for SEO, or what content I “should” generate to sell something.

Now, I have developed a conviction about my message that leads to a level of commitment that fuels the gumption to sit down and write most days.  There are no more “should’s.” There is only my unique perspective.

I help Maverick Entrepreneurs nail their message, claim their superpowers and muster up the guts to monetize their truth so they can fully express their individuality and creativity in a profitable personality-driven business. I believe we can step into our vision, passion and conviction, and build a business around what is true for us, instead of conforming to the "what is supposed to be" and water down our message.

My process is organic and intuitive. I have to write about whatever moves me because if I try to force something out, the passion and energy is not there and the piece will not be successful.

Writing has helped me define my own journey and refine my message. If one is afraid of starting because she doesn't know what her message is, just start somewhere.

I get still and allow ideas to come through. When I sit down to type, I set an intention to stay open, let my fingers “get loose” if guidance comes through and be pleasantly surprised by what ends up on the page.

I have to overcome my own fears to say what I need to say and hit "publish." This will hopefully encourage others to step up and own their conviction, instead of hiding behind fears or "being nice."

Sometimes I write things that are opinionated and controversial. It can be a challenge to stay with the original “drive” behind the piece and to not water it down so I can feel “safe.” I have to work with the fear of rejection, or of being criticized, so my message can be communicated fully, loudly and unapologetically.

Author Bio

Through her unique blend of Business + Marketing coaching with a Mindset + Psychic Twist, Ling Wong helps Maverick Entrepreneurs nail their message, claim their superpowers and muster up the GUTS to monetize their Truth so they can build a purposeful and profitable Personality-Driven business that is a full expression of their creativity and individuality.

Find Ling and download her free “Monetize Your Truth” Mindset + Marketing training bundle.

To the Mom Struggling to Survive:

It’s ok to feel depressed.

It’s ok to say things to your kids you wish you could take back.

You can take them back. You can ask for forgiveness.

Sometimes all you can see are the shadows

You can explain to your children that sometimes even moms struggle.

It’s ok to be glad when you drop your kids off at school and to be frustrated when it’s already time to meet the bus.

It’s ok to want time to yourself, to want to have no responsibilities and to want your pre-mommy body back.

It’s understandable to feel like life for everyone would be better if you didn’t exist.

And it is ok to feel guilty afterwards for thinking that. Or to not feel guilty—to feel confused.

It’s ok if you don’t want to bake cookies or sew your own Halloween costumes. It’s ok to spend $20 on costumes at Walmart.

It’s ok if you sometimes feel like you can’t go on, that you made a mistake, that you weren’t made for this mothering thing.

And it’s ok to feel depressed about your life even if to others your life looks perfect, even then.

Maybe more so then.

You do not have to beat yourself up about feeling depressed; that will only make you feel worse.

Sometimes you will feel differently. I promise you. Even if it’s not today or tomorrow. One day, you will feel happy again.

You will smell their sweetness again. You will savor their hugs. You will feel their love’s penetrating power.

So hold on until then.

Do your best to maintain, to push on, to know that it gets better.

Because it does. It will.

You are never alone, even if it feels that way.

Even when it feels like no one understands you or what you are experiencing and you just don’t know what to do. Close your eyes, take a breath and know that somewhere, someplace, there is love.

And let that be enough.

*Inspired by Wendy Wisner's: "To the Mom of a Nursing Toddler"

Writing and Chai (Because It's Cheaper Than Therapy)

Please welcome guest blogger Maryann Morehouse to Stripping Down as she discusses how she managed to balance single motherhood and writing…

Writing and Chai 

(Because It's Cheaper Than Therapy)

by Maryann Morehouse

For me, writing became my therapy; my former marriage left me with some emotional scars. Now, compared to other divorced people, my scars are more of the Harry Potter, sort of cool looking scars, rather than the deep tortured scars that so many others harbor. I choose not to dwell on the pain of the divorce; instead, I focused my energy on making sure I raised my kids to be happy and healthy, both physically and emotionally.

Maryann Morehouse

I wrote my first book several years ago when my son was forced to partake in summer school due to his apparent allergy to homework. At the time, I was unemployed, a single mom with two kids and had a mortgage that I couldn’t afford. Gas prices were averaging around four dollars a gallon and he attended school seventeen miles from home. My daughter and I would get up each morning, drag him out of bed, drive him to school, kick him out of the car and head to Starbucks where we would sit for the next five hours while he attended make-up classes. During that time, I began writing a story, as I had done since college. The story was just for fun and I did not intend to share it with anyone other than some select friends, but it seemed to take on a life of its own as other people asked me if they could read it.

I would write during the day and at night publish the chapters on Facebook, each time getting positive feedback and encouragement. This was like pure gold to me. I could even justify the cost of the gas because it meant I had time to sit and do what I love while also having the bonus effect of making my son realize that he never wanted to go to summer school again.

Mom for the win!

Nowadays, my children are adults, I work close to fifty hours a week at a job that I enjoy and unbelievably, gas prices are lower now than they were back then. My love of writing has only grown stronger and I’ve been fortunate enough to self-publish a couple of books, together they have been downloaded more than 8,000 times, which blows my mind.

My schedule is more hectic than it was when they were younger, but because my writing is important to me, I schedule my writing sessions like I scheduled their doctor’s appointments when they were younger. I book time for me and my “therapy.” I will block off several hours on a weekend, head to my local Starbucks, grab a Venti, eight-pump, nonfat, no water Chai latte and park myself at a table for the afternoon with music playing in my headphones and my fingers making music on the keyboard of my laptop.

My children have provided me with more than twenty years of laughter, tears and love and there are many more stories waiting to be told. 

Born and raised in Connecticut with five siblings, Maryann Morehouse was surrounded by the people she loved and spent time in the place that spoke to her heart. Maryann found herself in search of the right words to convey her thoughts and feelings, even through life's bumps, nothing could detour Maryann from her path of finding solace and strength by creating worlds of her own. Her books are available on Amazon, Nobody Would Believe and A Promise on a Star.

Mom Writers Stripping Down

I'm introducing a new feature on Stripping Down to help create a supportive writing community. I'll be including guest posts from other mom writers reflecting on their experiences of motherhood and writing. 

We all have experiences or jobs from our pasts that we view as negative. Instead of letting those things constantly hold us back in life, we can look them squarely in the face and learn from them.

Are you a writer mom? Would you like to share with other moms? Send me an email and maybe you'll be the next guest writer!

I hope you'll enjoy reading these posts on "Stripping Down" metaphorically and perhaps they'll shed some light on how to navigate the sometimes tricky path of motherhood and life as a writer.

Mom + Writer = Magic

by Marcie Perez

I have loved writing since I was ten years old. Writing was an outlet for me growing up. Both of my brothers were older—one was out of high school and one was almost out. My parents separated for a little bit and writing was something I always had, along with music. No matter what I was feeling, I wrote, even if only a line or two.

I remember wanting to be a songwriter and a singer before I started smoking and messed up my voice. I remember the first time I went to the Warner Brothers Store and begged my mom for a Tweety Bird notebook.

Marcie Perez

My mom told me she would get it for me another time. I came home and found it on my bed after I took a shower. The first thing I remember doing was watching MTV and a Britney Spears song came on; I started writing my own lyrics and short stories. I converted my songs into poems when I realized I would not be entering the music scene.

Earlier this year, after being unemployed for a year, I said to my husband, "I am sick and tired of not being able to find work. I am going to apply to an online college, so I can still look for work, be a mom and be the best wife I can be." Since I enrolled in college, I have been able to go full force with my writing. I write about love, feeling alone, and struggles with my weight (I had a weak immune system, so doctors always gave me steroids, which made me bigger).

My writing process varies: sometimes I just write it all out on paper and sort it out when I am done, other times I will write an idea down, do an outline, then take it step by step.

I write first on paper. I normally have a notebook dedicated just to writing. I sometimes get sidetracked and start drawing. Occasionally, my drawing leads to a story.

I try not to have any concerns. If I have a writer’s block, I put my pen and paper down and walk away. I do something like watch TV, go for a walk, or work out. The best medicine I have is to turn the music up and just dance.

What excites me about writing is that I love coming up with ideas. I have been through a lot and recently I have written a lot about my past and about how we can fix things today. I was in an abusive relationship and I finally broke out of it. After a year spent being single and finding myself, I was ready to date. I met my husband through an online dating service. Now that I have found my Prince Charming and am living my fairytale, I feel inspired to write about love.

I have also written about the struggles and the great times I've had with my son, who is almost thirteen years old. I have known him since he was ten. He has been through so much bad stuff in his life, but it has led him to good through losing weight and getting good grades. He now loves to read and will take thirty books out of the library at a time. He loves to draw, listen to music and is always ready to try something once.

Growing up, I was always a go-getter, but reserved. The past few years I have felt like a new person. Being a mom is special. My son hates the word "step" and will tell everyone not to say it. My son has taught me to be a better person and always keeps me on my toes. We "as a family" are always ready to try everything—at least once.

When and Where is Breastfeeding OK in the Public's Opinion?

I wrote about Professor Adrienne Pine's breastfeeding in class for the Huffington Post: Breastfeeding Professor's Non-Incident Makes Headlines: When Will Moms Be Allowed to do it all in Order to Have it All?

Yahoo's headline made me think this professor was using the classroom as political statement: "Feminist Anthropology Professor Blasted for Breastfeeding During Class," but nothing could be farther from the truth.

Professor Adrienne Pine had a dilemma on the first day of her Sex, Gender and Culture class at American University in Washington, D.C when her baby had a fever and couldn't go to daycare. She didn't want her students to miss the introductory class, so she brought along her child to it. Her child did fine for awhile, but when she got cranky, she breastfed for a few minutes until the baby fell asleep.

Professor Pine never meant to make a statement. She was just trying to teach her class. Unfortunately, some students went to the college's newspaper, where they were all too eager to make it a story. Despite Pine's attempts to explain the situation and show what a non-issue this was, it has turned into headline news...

Read the rest at The Huffington Post...