I guess I understand why people don't want to know
the truth and don't share the truth. Sometimes the real truth is too true; it's
too raw; it's too real.
There's that fear that people who don't know what
it's like to be depressed will freak out by what you say.
If I were to be truthful right now, I would say the
thought that is going through my head on a loop is—I want to kill myself.
But I know you know you can't say that. You can't
share a sentence like that in front of people who don't know depression.
You don't want the police showing up at your door in
five minutes.
Just because the thought is there, haunting you, it
doesn't mean you're actually going to kill yourself; it just means you're preoccupied
by the thought.
But some people may question, Well, how do I know if she is serious or not?
For many people who deal with depression, it's when he
or she says I am going to kill myself
that one should worry, not I want to
kill myself.
It is not semantics; there is a big difference. One
is a haunting viral thread running through your brain and the other is an act
you're about to commit.
I am not about to kill myself, but the loop is
playing and it's hard to escape and it makes me sad if I can’t express it and
let it out.
Sometimes I just yearn to be understood and to be
loved just the way I am.
