Ten Clues You’re a Mom and Not a Stripper Anymore

1)      The only time you whip out your breasts in public is to nurse your hungry baby.

2)      The best compliment you’ve received lately is when your husband saw you in jeans a few weeks postpartum and said, “You look good. Not thin, not fat, just normal” and it made you feel awesome.

3)      The comment “How beautiful!” lobbed in your direction no longer makes you think you might be able to sell a lap dance, but rather that you need to lock your daughter in her bedroom until she turns eighteen.

4)      The only hands you need to worry about tugging on your clothes and pulling your underpants down belong to fingers sticky with candy.

5)      You are now actually responsible for cleaning up all incidents of vomit, urine and feces that happen in your vicinity.

6)      Underwear is no longer about how much you can show, but how much you can hold in.

7)      The last time you had a Brazilian, it was a bag of take-out and didn’t involve hot wax, tears or walking funny the next day.

8)      The only bouncer in your employ is not a massive bodybuilder named Vinny, but a springy seat with baby elephants and kangaroos on it.

9)      The only bottle service you’re negotiating is whether you or your husband will be taking the 3 am feeding with baby.

10)  Instead of guys hassling you to negotiate for bjs, it’s all about fending off repeated requests for PB&Js.

Congrats to Redbook Magazine for Honoring All Mothers

Why CAN'T stripping be right for some moms?

An opinion piece on Fox news, Not your mother’s magazine: Redbook supports stripping, by Penny Young Nance, does not pay tribute to a hard-working stripper mom.

The writer is quite offended by Redbook Magazine’s two-page feature in the March issue on a mother who strips to afford to send her four-year-old daughter to a private school.

“Is Redbook seriously suggesting that stripping is a legitimate answer to an American family’s economic hardships?” Nance asks.

In these economic times, why shouldn’t this be a career choice for a mother if she feels good about it? It most definitely isn’t the right career decision for many, but for the few who want to give it a try, why should we belittle them?

Nance goes on to say: “Had the staff at Redbook done their research, they would know that the strip club industry has painful ramifications on society and leads to pornography addiction, gangs, drug use and sex trafficking — just to name a few.”

Well, I would be interested in knowing what research shows that stripping specifically leads to these societal ills. Where is the direct cause and effect link?

Why are we out to condemn women who choose to work as strippers?

Nance believes: “Instead of irresponsibly promoting the acceptance of stripping, Redbook should highlight the work of strong, compassionate women who counsel, support, and shelter strippers trapped in that dangerous life. It is these inspirational women who deserve two-page tributes in major magazines.”

While it would also be splendid to honor these women Nance mentions, she is speaking of the women who are “trapped.” What is so wrong about honoring the women who take their own decisions into their own hands and choose to be strippers and do not feel trapped but rather empowered?

Not every stripper feels trapped. Not every woman has the same feelings about sexuality, sensuality and their expression.

Can we support women, especially mothers, as we all make our own difficult choices?

Look, Up in the Sky, It’s a…Shovel?

This is supposedly a drawing by a child of her mother at work. When I first saw it I thought it was a stripper mom, but then I read the explanation. This is just your average mom selling a shovel at Home Depot. Hmm…why’s the shovel so big?

Another mother thought the drawing showed a bank teller. Hmm…even children know you can only approach a bank teller from the front. And where’s the bowl of lollipops?

I think it’s probably just a drawing by an adult trying to be funny. A child who would have drawn this would (hopefully) never have been inside of a strip club, so how would they know what a stripper pole is? Oh wait, I do remember a few times when stripper moms actually did bring their children to work. It was more than odd to have a little boy acting blasé in front of half a dozen naked women.