If You Are a Stripper, Then You Must Also Be...

I remember being so frustrated as a young woman who stripped and posed nude because of what people assumed about me.

Since I was a stripper, I must also be a whore. I must also be a slut. I must also want to be talked to like an object.

This was probably the most infuriating aspect of my adult entertainment experience. I didn’t know how to put into words what I felt.

The actress and feminist Caitlin Stasey says it so well in Jezebel’s When a Magazine Only Wants You If You're Willing to Pose Nude.

But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Nudity in the abstract is not the issue, and my body is not the issue either. What is the issue is the way that many men like Ben Naparstek-your-head-in-the-oven believe they have an inherent right to both because of my recent projects and my candor. It’s the same logic we apply to a woman’s sexuality. Just because she’s fucked one guy she must be available to all of them, right? Just because she’s wearing a short skirt, just because her shirt is sheer, just because she is a woman, she must be available to me.

Men were surprised when I didn’t want to be paid to have sex.

Men were pissed when I didn’t show them everything they wanted.

Men were enraged when I told them the truth.

Why was I making trouble? Why was I fucking with their view of women? Why was I insisting on being a person with my own ideas and feelings?

The sad thing was that often I listened to what they said. It’s not that I didn’t know I could say differently and stand up for myself, but that I was not properly equipped to do it.

I was young. I was scared.  I was vulnerable.

Today I am still trying to impress completely upon myself that I have agency and that I make the decisions about my body and it doesn’t matter what others think.

I have a right to be who I am just as I am. Clothed or naked.

I do not need to explain my choices to anyone if I don’t want to.

It’s been a long journey to get to where I am today and I am grateful for who I have become even as I acknowledge I still have a long way to go to truly understand and forgive myself.

How I Used Writing to Nail My Message and Grow My Business

By Ling Wong, Guest Blogger

I started my blog with the intention to promote the former iteration of my business. It was a marketing technique to drive traffic through the use of SEO.

The blog stayed the same for a few years, until I went through a transformative experience in revamping my business to go in a different direction, giving birth to Business Soulwork.

During the entire process, I used writing to explore what was happening on a deeper level.

Photo of Ling Wong, Guest Blogger

The decision to publish everything on my blog and share it with my followers was a challenge to my own fear of being vulnerable, which turned out to be a big step for me to explore and overcome my insecurity and mindset hurdles.

Publishing my truth also solidified the conviction I have about my message. Every time I write, I get more clarity.

The process of committing to writing and publishing is transformative in and of itself. Steve Pressfield described it well in his book “Turning Pro” by explaining it boils down to the commitment and the gumption we need to stick with it and make something really happen.

This journey also changed the way I approach writing. Before, I would think about what title I “should” come up with for SEO, or what content I “should” generate to sell something.

Now, I have developed a conviction about my message that leads to a level of commitment that fuels the gumption to sit down and write most days.  There are no more “should’s.” There is only my unique perspective.

I help Maverick Entrepreneurs nail their message, claim their superpowers and muster up the guts to monetize their truth so they can fully express their individuality and creativity in a profitable personality-driven business. I believe we can step into our vision, passion and conviction, and build a business around what is true for us, instead of conforming to the "what is supposed to be" and water down our message.

My process is organic and intuitive. I have to write about whatever moves me because if I try to force something out, the passion and energy is not there and the piece will not be successful.

Writing has helped me define my own journey and refine my message. If one is afraid of starting because she doesn't know what her message is, just start somewhere.

I get still and allow ideas to come through. When I sit down to type, I set an intention to stay open, let my fingers “get loose” if guidance comes through and be pleasantly surprised by what ends up on the page.

I have to overcome my own fears to say what I need to say and hit "publish." This will hopefully encourage others to step up and own their conviction, instead of hiding behind fears or "being nice."

Sometimes I write things that are opinionated and controversial. It can be a challenge to stay with the original “drive” behind the piece and to not water it down so I can feel “safe.” I have to work with the fear of rejection, or of being criticized, so my message can be communicated fully, loudly and unapologetically.

Author Bio

Through her unique blend of Business + Marketing coaching with a Mindset + Psychic Twist, Ling Wong helps Maverick Entrepreneurs nail their message, claim their superpowers and muster up the GUTS to monetize their Truth so they can build a purposeful and profitable Personality-Driven business that is a full expression of their creativity and individuality.

Find Ling and download her free “Monetize Your Truth” Mindset + Marketing training bundle.

This Is My Beautiful Website Launch

Photo of Sheila Hageman by Keyvan Behpour

Introducing my new website project--This Is My Beautiful.

This Is My Beautiful is a safe space to share and celebrate our diverse beauty as women, a place to proudly say to the world—This Is My Beautiful!

We live in a world where what is considered to be female beauty is often predetermined and shaped for our consumption. Let’s change that by celebrating beauty in all its shapes, sizes, colors and subtle nuances.

Break the cycle of body shame and self-hatred!

Our life stories and dreams can be found in both our inner and outer beauty. There is nothing wrong with celebrating our physical beauty—our outer uniqueness! And we all are beautiful.

We need practice as women saying This Is My Beautiful and I’m proud. Too often we believe it’s egotistical to recognize and discuss what makes us beautiful on the outside. Sayings like “Beauty is only skin deep” lead us to think that being aware of our outer beauty is shallow and rude. But if we look around ourselves we are able to see and celebrate beauty in others and the world.

A beautiful sunset can remind us of a deeper beauty that lies beneath the outer container. Physical beauty can represent the beauty, the love, the passion that lies inside our hearts and souls.

Capture your beautiful, your sexy, your confidence. Nourish your soul by proclaiming to the world that you are allowed to own your beauty. Let’s affirm for each other our Beautifuls that may never have been noticed or affirmed before.

Share a photo of yourself where you exhibit your beautiful and tell us why the photograph creates that feeling for you. It can be a close-up of one of your toes or a long shot of you standing holding your child—whatever photograph you look at and feel proud, happy and in love with yourself in some way.

Please visit This Is My Beautiful and share your photo and story today!