Vacation

Stripper Mom and family are going on vacation for a week!

I probably won't be posting, so I'll see you all in a week.

Sleep, Baby

It’s so interesting how different ways of putting a baby to sleep are, well, so, different.

I’ve been trying an in-between take of the two extremes: let baby cry it out or respond to each cry from baby.

Nick and I have been trying to ease off the running to every single whimper. We’ve been having success with putting Cole to bed without nursing him into a coma. I’ve been nursing him and putting him in his crib while he’s still awake. He cries, but I don’t leave the room. I soothe him with songs and back rubs until he’s out. It takes about thirty minutes.

I figure this is a good step to helping him learn to fall asleep all by himself.

Today at Playland Village (an indoor play space in Monroe) I was speaking to another mother about Cole waking up four to five times a night. I told her I nurse him back to sleep each time.

“You’re going to have to let him cry it out,” she said.

“Well, I don’t know if I like that method. I don’t want to mess him up psychologically.”

“You won’t,” she said. “I’m a psychologist.”

So she explained it’s the way to teach Cole to go back to sleep in the middle of the night on his own: let him cry for a half-an-hour the first night, then an hour the next night.

“Turn off the monitor,” she said.

I just don’t know. Yes, I want to sleep for more than two hours, but I don’t want to make Cole cry.

What have all the mothers out there found to work?

Goodnight

Today was a bit overwhelming.

I’m exhausted.

Headache.

I need to sleep.

Here

This is where I want to be.

This is my mantra.

I sat beside Cole as he fell asleep in his crib dressed in his soft monkey onesie. He tossed and cried. He paused as I rubbed his back, his legs.

I held my hand against his lower back.

I wanted to be somewhere else. At my computer. Some me time.

This is where I want to be, I said.

I will be at my computer later. When Cole is asleep. Right now, this is important. Helping Cole learn to fall asleep. It takes patience. And I have that patience to give him, to teach him.

This is where I want to be. This is my job as a mother. To be here while he learns to sleep.

To be here. To give.

Nurse away

This is a new one—a breast-feeding doll.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

I was surprised when I saw the title for this video on MSNBC. In fact, I was confused. Breast feeding? Like a baby doll and a mommy doll for it to nurse on? No: a baby doll to nurse on the little girl.

Sure enough, the video shows the commercial of a little girl putting on a halter top with flower pasties to nurse.

It seems odd to me, but Genny has never shown interest in nursing her dolls. Since she’s seen Cole nursing, the only reaction it’s spurred is that she wants to nurse again. But not seriously. She thinks it’s funny to pretend to want to latch on. I always stop her, but if I didn’t, would she actually nurse?

I wonder what her reaction would be to this doll. She reminds me all the time that she doesn’t want to be a mom. The reason? She saw me get a blood test while pregnant. I’ve explained that people get blood tests all the time for all kinds of things, not just being pregnant. And she’s already had blood tests. But still, she says, “I don’t want to be a mommy.”

Nick’s looking forward big-time to being a grandpa, so I hope she changes her mind.

I don’t know how I feel about the nursing doll. I mean, in principle, I don’t have a problem with it, but I do agree with the doctor being interviewed that it sexualizes young girls.

It would be better if the halter top didn’t have big flower pasties on it. Of course, then what? Pretend nipples? That would be weird.

I just don’t know. I guess being in a crappy mood today doesn’t help.

I’m feeling overwhelmed and unproductive.

If only I’d thought of the nursing doll, maybe then I’d be rich and sitting on a beach nursing my real child.

Giving Stripper Moms a bad name

Cops: Mom left 2 kids home alone to work at strip club

This woman is what people think of when they think of Stripper Moms.

When Fiordaliza Collado-Ramirez of Palm Bay, Florida couldn’t get a babysitter last night, she left her four- and five-year-old daughters home alone while she went to work. At a strip club.

The question I have is: was she planning on leaving them home alone all night by themselves? The report even says that the four-year-old was sick. How does a mother leave two small girls alone to go to a strip club?

After my initial anger and shock, another emotion and thought enters.

I wonder why she felt the need to not be late to her job. Perhaps she would have lost her job if she were late one more time. Perhaps she needed money to pay her rent or buy food. Perhaps this is the only job she feels she is any good at.

I am not forgiving her action by any means. I just want to remind us all that we don’t know the circumstances of her life.

I feel sad for her and her kids.

One more question: did the cops not let her change out of her work clothes?

Cold, please!

I’ve wanted the heat and now I’ve got it and I’m cranky as all get out.

I’m sick of being sticky and sweaty. I don’t know if it’s just me, but ever since I gave birth a second time, I feel sweatier and smellier. I can’t get clean.

I would like to live in a cold shower for the next month.

I would like icicles to hang from my nipples and a great ice floe to form around my midsection.

Ah…I feel cooler already.

This phase

Genny has a few annoying habits.

She laughs when she thinks someone has been hurt, but not in an embarrassed, don’t-know-what-to-do way. She purposefully laughs screechy and loud and then looks to see if she’s hurting that person’s feelings.

Genny also loves to tell me every chance she has that she likes Nick more than me. It’s fine that she says it, but she seems to do it to get a rise out of me. Nick says that I encourage it, but I don’t think so.

I wish my mother was here so that I could ask her if I said things like that to her. I don’t remember being mean to my mother at that early of an age. I was too shy and scared, I think.

I’m looking forward to Genny growing out of this phase.

He is asleep

Praise the Lord. I just put Cole to bed without nursing him down.

It was time. He’d been cranking all day. I nursed him in my bedroom like I normally do, then headed to his room when he had conked out. As usual lately, the moment I put his body in the crib he woke up crying.

I consoled him. Sang, Rock a bye, baby. And then I turned out the light and sat on the daybed in his room.

I let him cry on and off for fifteen minutes. I would sing and tell him, “Mama’s here.”

Then I moved over and sat in the chair next to his crib. I massaged his belly. He arched his back from side to side and I slid my hand under his back and rubbed. I massaged his legs. Stroked his hair. The crying stopped. He rolled from side to side. Getting sleepy now. And finally he ended with my hand on his belly and one of his hands resting against my arm.

All in all, it took me less than thirty minutes. I knew he wasn’t hungry. He just wanted what he wanted—the usual sucking on one of mom or dad’s fingers.

This feels like such a triumph. It’s the first step to getting him to learn how to sleep on his own.

Now, let’s see how long this sleep lasts.

How old are we?

Mama is feeling mean today.

If the wrong breeze brushes by me, I’m going to blow.

Just one of those days when I feel angry at everyone and everything.

I had a nightmare experience with Nana in Stop and Shop. Taking care of her is wearing me thin. She’s my grandmother and so, of course, I will do all I can, but sometimes I think I’m going to lose it big time.

Taking care of a 7-month old, a five-year-old, and a ninety-year-old is just plain crazy.

Especially when the ninety-year-old says in front of the five-year-old, “I want to die.”

And then, of course, you get the five-year-old saying to the ninety-year-old, “Why don’t you go home.”

So much fun to explain to them both that it’s because the other is “only five,” or “very old.”

Attitude of gratitude

Those buttery pretzel bites at the mall are addictive.

After indoor noshing and playing at the mall, Genny, Cole and I headed for a friend’s place where we went swimming. I was proud of myself for getting right into the cold water. Cole was loving being in the pool. He has no fear of cold.

I learned how to make homemade baby food. So easy. At first I thought baby jarred food is so cheap—less than one dollar a serving! Then I realized Cole’s going through three servings a day. That’ll add up. I may actually start being a happy little homemaker! (No, not really, just a little.)

Actually, seeing our friend holding Cole and loving it made me appreciate what we have. And perhaps also seeing the child in a wheelchair at the mall. I consciously said to myself, I am grateful.

Cole fell asleep in his car seat on our way home this evening and I thought he’d be out for awhile, but he just woke up. I nursed him and he went right back out.

It is Friday evening. Here I am. My family healthy and safe.

Remembering

I’ve just learned that a good friend of my mother’s died in Long Island Sound.

I feel so sad for his wife and family.

I told Genny and she said that he is now in heaven with Grandma Mary and Grandma Alice.

Rest in peace, Ray.

Looking for work

I don’t know what happened to my baby today. He was awake from seven am until three pm then he had just a little bit over an hour nap. That’s it. And he’s been cranking and drooling and squealing nonstop. And I have a feeling he’s not going to want to sleep now either.

As much as I can, I’ve been job hunting today. Nick’s work has been intermittent and I want to help financially if I can. Teaching is kind of out for now since it’s summer and takes too many hours.

I’m looking for editing or writing or yoga teaching jobs. I don’t know how exactly I’ll manage any of these things, but I’ll try.

Looking for work got me to thinking about why I used to only look for nude work when I was young. How strange that I only thought to look for naked jobs. I guess that’s all I thought I had to offer. How nice to have other options now.

Oh boy. Cole is crying. I must go.

Quiet

Another miracle day.

Genny’s grandparents took her to see the movie “Up” this afternoon. They are out for dinner as I type.

Cole is napping upstairs.

I just ate a salmon burger at my desk while surfing the Internet.

And now it is just me in the room. Sitting and typing and enjoying the cool, rainy weather.

I almost don’t know what to do with myself all by myself. Should I work? Should I write? Should I watch television for the first time in months? The possibilities are endless.

It’s actually quite nice just imagining all my choices.

But if I am correct, I do hear some baby stirrings. It was lovely while it lasted.

A Third?!

I told Nick not to trip on the three wise men outside our house this morning. Yes, it’s true. We had a little Christmas in July here last night. A miracle. Cole only woke up one time.

How he goes from up five times a night to one time is beyond me, but I don’t mind about that, as Genny would say. I await without my breath held to see what will happen tonight.

I finally got my first period after having given birth. It really got me thinking about whether Nick and I will have another baby now that my body is saying it’s physically ready again. Of course, my brain isn’t saying anything like that yet.

Since I’m no longer that young, if we’re going to have another baby, it will have to be sooner than later. But how soon?

It’s a hot topic for me because as much as I’d like to have a big family, the pregnancy and early years part is so tough for me. I know Nick would do all that tough stuff if he could, but alas, he will not be the world’s second pregnant man.

I can see how it is probably true though, that after two, adding a third is no big deal.

We’ll see about that.

Strippers in Training

Genny, Cole, and I kept busy this afternoon by going to the Connecticut Post Mall in Milford. After visiting the bookstore (and purchasing Rainbow Fairy sticker and stencil books—score!), we made our way down the long deserted hallway toward Playtown, stopping briefly at Pretzel Time for some pretzel bites (Oh my goodness—hot pretzel delights drizzled with butter and salt and probably sugar!).

After Genny’s requisite climbing fun, we went to the pet store located right next to it (at the Trumbull Mall they have a candy store right next to their Playtown—ah…the genius!) and pet a $1600 Chihuahua named Bumbles, or something.

Walking back down the hallway toward our minivan after testing out all the mattresses in Sears, we went into a fancy dress store to see the “princess” dresses. As we worked our way back into the tulle madness we encountered what can only be described as stripper gowns.

Stripper gowns are what must be worn in higher end strip clubs in New York. They usually look like a prom dress on crack. Just like these today.

There was one so awful and so stripperly that I had to remark to the saleslady, “Wow—you must have a lot of strippers shop here, huh?”

She looked at ME like I was on crack.

“What? NO! These are prom dresses!”

“You mean this one here with the slit up to the crotch in pink and zebra print? That’s a prom dress? You’re joking, right?”

“No, actually, that one is quite tame. You should see what they wear to their proms nowadays.”

I looked from her to the stripper gown in horror. I’m sorry, I mean, the “prom” dress.

Horror.

Summer is here

Today was all about being hot, sweaty, and uncomfortable. Ugh. Carting around two kids in a minivan in 86 degree heat made me wistful for the old summer days I remember before I was mommed.

I’d stop at a deli, buy a hard salami sandwich with a pickle, drive down to the beach with my windows unrolled and the music cranked. I’d let the breeze whip my hair into my mouth. I’d sing.

I’d lie down on the hot sand in a teeny-tiny bikini and know I looked great. The heat would soak me raw and hot. I’d walk down to the water to cool off.

I could spend my whole day doing nothing and being responsible for absolutely nothing. Maybe I’d take a nap later on and just chill out.

I just noticed the stubby end of a pretzel stick that Genny left for me on my desk.

She made cherry juice earlier.

She actually helped water the garden and only complained once.

Cole is sleeping. Genny is sleeping.

And I just finished a cool glass of ice tea.

Into It

Genny’s latest cute saying, “I’m into apple juice now. Yeah, I’m really into it right now.”

I’m into the need for sleep right now.

Boomba

I think Cole set an all new record for least amount of naptime in one day. He slept for only 30 minutes two times today. That is not much for a 7-month old.

I’ve been getting crankier as the day wears on. I barely got any work done.

Yo—chill out, Mom.

Man, I really do need to lighten up on myself, but then I remind myself that I’ll never succeed in life if I don’t keep pushing past my limitations.

Cole’s word of the day was boomba.

Progress

Genny is full of beans today.

She’s taken to calling me Sheila a lot.

I didn’t mind when she did it every once in awhile, but now it seems she’s doing it to get me going.

And when she doesn’t get her way she makes the most awful pout ever.

I was getting Cole undressed for his bath and he was crying, so I said, “Don’t you like baths, Cole?”

Genny from across the room said, “He doesn’t like you.”

I looked at her and she bit her hair.

Of course, five minutes later she rushed into the bathroom to help bathe Cole. I try to let as many of her little annoyances go by as I can, but sometimes she’s just pushing me too hard.

Cole was only up twice last night. True, he didn’t go to bed until 10:30, but this is progress.