Wednesday, May 04, 2005


I tried to do too much today and it fizzled out my brain.

Genevieve ate five small meals. We took a trip into the city on the subway. I did laundry. I washed dishes and the floor surrounding Genny’s highchair five times. I went grocery shopping. I made lunch and dinner. I watched “American Idol”.

I sit back on the futon, my eyes barely fluttering open and I realize I have nothing creative to show for this exhausting day. Nick pointed out how important it is taking care of Genny. I know this; I do, but childrearing just doesn’t feel very satisfying.

There was an article on the other day about how much salary moms would make if it was a paid position—it was over $100k. Seeing this doesn’t make me feel any better about my role.

I’ve got to shake out of this funk and get inspired and working again, but without burning myself out. There’s got to be a way to balance it all.

Sure, Sheila, billions of women before you have tried balancing all the roles and not succeeded, but somehow you think you’ll be able to do it?

I need to come to terms with my current life situation and accept it. Acceptance must be the key I am missing, or at least it’s a possibility.

Tomorrow, I work on acceptance. Tonight, I sleep.

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