Friday, May 06, 2005

Sheila Who?

Making time for reading every night has helped my brain feel more active. For quite awhile there, I was barely reading any books that didn’t have pictures.

I’m reading the memoir “Slow Motion” by Dani Shapiro right now. I’m finding many parallels between her chaotic young life and my own. As I read about her affair with Lenny Klein, I am reminded of a few of my ex-boyfriends. I find my mind writhing in discomfort as I recognize my own youthful experiences of romantic relationships.

It’s releasing to close my eyes and think of Nick. We are rapidly approaching our wedding date. Never before have I felt so confident in a relationship and its ability to stand through our lives. I experience a deep sense of stillness and quiet when I contemplate our future together.

I do need to decide about my name. Will I change it to Nick’s name or hold on to my own? Or make some kind of combination? I would like to have the same last name as my husband and my daughter, but at the same time I do not want to give up my identity that I associate so closely to my own surname.

Genevieve is crying now. I am not sure whether I will nurse her or not. I think I will just try cradling her. Slowly rocking her in my arms. My back is hurting though. And I am so tired once again.

1 comment:

  1. Very interesting what you say about changing your name - will it change your identity? I felt the same way before my legal name change. I didn't want to give up my family name. But circumstances forced my hand. Over time, I realized that it did not change my identity to change my name. Maybe having close family relationships helps with that. Whatever you decide will not change who you are. :)