I don’t know if you’ve noticed my blog posts have been a little depressed lately. I’m sorry for that. I’ve just been falling into one of my dumps lately. I’m feeling overwhelmed by life’s responsibilities. I’ve got three major projects I’m working on, too. Or I should say, trying to work on.
I guess I thought my daughter would love me.
I know she will one day. I mean, I know she loves me now, but she likes to make me think she doesn’t.
She lies. She constantly tells me she likes Daddy better.
When she was rude for the umpteenth time to me today I asked if she would speak to a friend like that.
“No, but I like my friends better than you.”
“OK, but that’s kind of rude to say. You should have some respect for your mother.”
“Well, I don’t. I respect my friends.”
“Do they take care of you? Will they buy you things and make you dinner?”
“No, but I like them better.”
I remember reading somewhere that it’s our jobs as parents to love our children, but not the child’s job to love us.
I believe this intellectually, but it hurts when I don’t feel love, or even like, from my five-year-old.
I've been hearing a lot of this lately, too. She screams "I hate you!" whenever I do something she doesn't like. I've been trying to talk to her about saying "I'm angry at you" instead. Even thought I know that's what she really means, it's so hard to hear these harsh words, especially when I feel like so much of my mental/emotional energy is spent on making sure she's happy. I'm actually comforted by the fact that Genny's doing this too. Maybe it's developmental??
ReplyDeleteHang in there. You're a great mom.
--Rebecca
Thank you, Rebecca. I feel relieved knowing I'm not the only one. Please let it be developmental.
ReplyDeleteShe's testing you. Try not to take it personally. If she knows it's getting to you, she'll just do it more.
ReplyDeleteMy friend Gretchen went through the same thing. I know it's hard but you have to put up a brave front and try to ignore it. You don't want her to know she has power over you.
Good luck! And you're doing a great job! You too, Rebecca! For now, you'll just have to take your praise from Rebecca and me and other adults. Because children do not appreciate you until they're much older so don't waste your time looking for it.
I talked to Laurie about this - it's definitely developmental. And it's about power and manipulation, too - if you show that you're hurt, Genny will discover that she has power over you and your emotions and use it more often. Laurie told me that when Patrick would say that to her she'd just say, "That's nice, dear - I love you". And that was it. It's difficult, but it'll pass. And something else will take its place! :)
ReplyDeleteArgh...yes, this makes sense. I've been doing exactly the opposite--telling her she's hurting my feelings! I will put an end to that right away..."That's nice, Dear...I love you!"
ReplyDeleteUgh. I have a little girl.(15 mos)
ReplyDeleteShe is so good, happy & sweet and I dread the time when she talks to her mom like this.
My wife and her mom went through this phase and I know my daughter will play me against her mom.
I know this mostly because she is mine...