Perhaps because Mother’s Day is right around the corner, there are a lot of controversial moms in the news this week.
Another porn star/mother is Alana Evans, who appeared on Dr.
Drew’s HLN show May 1st and was reported on the Huffington Post.
"Porn saved my life. It gave me a way to be with my son, to be with him every day after school," Evans said. "It gave me enough to take care of myself to take care of him, to pay our bills without being on welfare and stay off public assistance."“Evans even came to the defense of "Octomom" Nadya Suleman, who shortly after filing bankruptcy, has reportedly signed on to star in a masturbation video for extra money."Any woman who's willing to do whatever she has to to take care of her children -- even if that means doing porn -- good for her," Evans said. "Other people may not agree with it, but ... in reality she is putting her kids first."”
I totally support women doing what they need to do to make
ends meet as long as they feel good about what they are doing and not harming
anyone.
Perhaps the big issue that isn’t being addressed is that
porn is the best option these women see for themselves as a way to make enough
money to support their kids and spend time with them.
Why is that? Why are there not better options for working
mothers?
Sheila, I love the conversation you have started with this blog and book. I married a guy who loved porn (I mean, what guy doesn't?) before he and I had a heart to heart about it. The result, however, was SHAME... he felt it, and I felt badly about that, and it wasn't the intention.
ReplyDeleteWhen I used to model for art classes (yes nude!) I never felt shame for my body and still don't. But there is a culture of shame (and its flip side -- exploitation) in this country. We hide what we are ashamed of... then we do every possible wild thing we can imagine with that shameful commodity, in the dark.
Keep pushing this conversation... and I even challenge you to question your own beliefs. Do you REALLY think "women doing what they need to do to make ends meet as long as they feel good about what they are doing and not harming anyone" is OK? Can't there be some other fine line? A change in the way we view women? Not as commodity anymore?
Thanks again.
Thank you for your comments, Elizabeth!
ReplyDeleteI used to model for art classes, too...Did you ever work at Paire?
You make some great points about shame and exploitation. Those are real factors that belong in a conversation about this topic.
And, yes, of course, I wish that and hope for us to have a healthier view of women and what "sexy" is and can be, but what do we do about women who feel like this is the only way for them to make the money they need now?
As a society, Americans love to impose their own moral and ethical beliefs on others. Often that comes with the backing of some religious "authority" - as though such authority is absolute. I think it's one thing if women are forced into a certain way of life but quite another if they willingly choose a certain lifestyle. I think there's a very good debate to be had over prostitution but I don't accept that the porn industry, in and of itself, is degrading or demeaning and that we somehow much protect its participants (men and women!) from themselves.
ReplyDeleteI agree that if men are watching this foolishness and feel they are being informed by it then their expectations about relationships and sex are going to be negatively affected. That is a pity. And Elisabeth, there are many men who don't love porn - and not because it's somehow "wrong" but because it simply doesn't speak to them.
Thanks, Geekin' Hard, for your comments. I think you make some strong points.
ReplyDeleteAs Sheila has written many times, nude modeling, porn, or stripping does not define the woman who does it. It really is insulting to a woman to say she is just a porn star, etc. Women are multi-faceted persons, even those who spent a some time doing sexually exposed work. The feminist notion that porn is "objectifying women" (every last one of them) is lunacy. The commodification argument is similar and also fatuous. Porn is about getting off. If you don't think a man deserves to release sexual energy and you ban all porn of any conceivable type (like they do in Iran), then men will still find ways. Maybe you don't like the idea of men having sex.
ReplyDelete