Fix the Banana

It’s kind of like a new show—Pimp My Banana, but then again, no, it’s not.

My three-year-old has not lost his terrible twos now that he is three, unfortunately. In fact, I’d say, he’s simply perfected them and made them into the threatening threes.

He screams, whines, cries at the littlest discomfort. You know, like when I don’t get every last crumb of granola scooped out of his bowl before we pour in the Cinnamon Munchies. Or when I tell him it’s time to put our socks on our feet, not our hands, when it’s time for school.

But this morning’s latest meltdown shines the light on how absurdly a three-year-old’s brain can work. (Yes, I know it’s not absurd, I mean, he’s three, but I digress…)

I told him he could have a banana—a whole banana—once he had on his coat and shoes for school. Well, with a bit more cajoling, he did finally put the aforementioned items on the correct body parts.

That’s where Dad comes in. He did not know that the agreement was for an entire banana, thus he peeled half a banana and broke off a chunk and tried to get away with giving our son just that one piece.

Oh, no.

The screams. The cries.

“Well, do you want this piece instead?” I ask as I hand him the banana still cloaked in skin.

“No, fix the banana! Fix the banana!” he shouts as boogers pool in his nostrils.

“I can’t do that, honey,” I say and even demonstrate that banana pieces will not restick themselves together.

I try all the tricks—offer him both halves, say it’s this or nothing, try to distract him with Lightning McQueen, but alas, the crying, it continues.

Finally, my husband scoops him up to walk out the door, “Here, take the banana.” He puts one piece in each hand, my son takes a deep breath, “Ok.” And they’re out the door.

Ah, motherhood. And bananas.

Mothers Taking Care of Ourselves

A happy family moment, but what do you do when everyone is screaming?

A story on Jot Zoom reports: Mother Of Three Posts Suicide Note on Facebook Before Killing Herself.

“It seems that socializing networks are now an easy way for suicidal people to share their last wishes with their friends and family, as Cynthia Lee from Michigan, a 23 year old mother of three proves by posting a suicide note on her Facebook wall before she committed suicide.”

Stories like these just make my heart break because I can understand. I can put myself in this woman’s shoes so easily.

I’m lucky enough to be in a healthy relationship and have supportive family and friends, but if I didn’t? Raising three children in this day and age is a monumental task regardless if one is a stay-at-home mom, working mom, or some combination of the two.

The pressure to be a good mom and also have one’s own life and interests can be too much for some women.

I know I’ve been so stressed out when all three kids are having issues that it does feel overwhelming and like too much too handle. This is why it is so important that as moms we always have someone we can reach out to.

I encourage all moms who know they sometimes get stressed out to know who they will contact when they start feeling overwhelmed.

Call that person today and let them know that they will be your point-person if you need help. Then make a note for yourself in a prominent place that when you feel overwhelmed, you will pick up the phone and dial this person’s number.

It’s good to be prepared in advance. Know what you will do when you start feeling overwhelmed.

Let’s take care of ourselves and help other mothers to do the same.

"Strippers" From Long Ago

I love the photos on this blog: Exotic dancers of late XIX-th century.

“While in France they kept the can-can burlesque, in America developed all the subspecies of exotic dance performed by women: belly dance, dance on the table (the prototype strip) and other original productions. Each dancer had a pseudonym, and quite often a unique costume. Most of the photographs made in the last decade, the XIX-th century.”

The braveness and candidness of these photos are amazing for the time.

And look at those bodies—womanly and proud. Of course, a few of them look like they were suffering from the body image madness of their times with teeny-tiny waists.

I wonder what the next crazy body image demand will be…

Letters From Men Who Go To Strip Clubs

This is an interesting project by journalist and blogger Susannah Breslin that’s making headlines in Salon and Time.

Breslin has added a new blog to her repertoire of “letters” from men. In “LETTERS FROM MEN WHO GO TO STRIP CLUBS,” she asks strip club customers: Why do you go to strip clubs? And then she posts their anonymous musings.

I was going to say, I have to admit, I’m surprised by the men’s well-thought answers. But then I realized, of course, there is only a certain type of strip club customer who would take the time to write an anonymous musing on why they go strip clubs.

We’re only going to see one very select view of the customers. The men who feel strip clubs calm some savage beast within them, or serve to satisfy some deep, psychological need.

The average guys who spend too many hours to count in their local clubs are too busy passing out dollar bills to pick up a pen.

Your Stripper is Overdue

The Ottawa Sun reports that The Ottawa Public Library is piloting a program called the Human Library on Jan. 28.

“The library is partnering with the CBC and the Canadian War Museum to loan out people as ‘human books’.

“Real People. Real Conversations. Talk to people one-on-one about their diverse experiences.””

So you can check out all kinds of people for some conversation including: paramedic, firefighter, judge, hooker, and, of course, stripper.

I think it’s awesome that the program is offering such an eclectic offering of human books. It would be a shame if the only reads available were your typical job-fair or bring-your-parent-to-school type jobs.

Perhaps this is a way to legitimatize the work that all people do.

Man's Greatest Fantasy: Stripper With Heart of Gold!

Screen Junkies highlights movies starring “Strippers with Hearts of Gold.”


I’m not sure if I agree with writer Gregory Wakeman that “Cinema has often looked to honor these characters...” though.

It seems more to me that Hollywood bigwigs like to make movies with strippers in them to draw in an audience. And then the studio heads are drawn to the scripts that fantasize strippers as not only totally hot, but also amazing humans.

That way, a man can fulfill his absolute desire—to have a woman who is sexually adventurous and also a real sweetheart and someone you would actually want to bring home to mom during the day. But once nighttime comes—watch out! She’s ripping off that bodice!

Seven-Year-Old Body Image

Two different friends pointed me to this excellent piece by Janell Hoffmann “Mom, I’m Fat:” One Mother’s Inspired Response to Her 7 Year Old on Rachel Simmons’ website.

In the essay, Hoffman reacts just as I believe I would if my daughter said those words. She’d dumbfounded; she’s done everything right in raising her to love herself just the way she is. She tries to talk her way through the issue with her daughter but finally feels out of words.

That’s when she does what I have resorted to in similar type situations; she strips off her own clothing and makes up a silly song.

““We are perfect, just the way we are.” It’s wild and silly, but I cannot be stopped. We’re shaking everything, and she’s belly laughing and totally thrilled. I pick her up. We are a ridiculous and magnificent pair. The other kids hear the commotion and barge in. They are confused and horrified. I carry her to the bedroom raving about all the ways we are powerful and naked and women. We settle into comfy pajamas and read a story together. Fat is not mentioned again.

On this night, I have no idea if I have succeeded. I’m not sure if what I said and did had an impact, if I fixed anything, or even if I changed her mind. But I do know that I must continue to infuse myself and my children with bold confidence. I must check in, ask questions, take the time. I must build and undo. I must be open and genuine. I must but willing to dance naked in the mirror, resist the urge to see all the ways five babies have changed me, and stare straight into my reflection with love. Then together, with a twinkle in our eyes, we only see radiance shining back.”

To me, this is what we must do as mothers of girls. We must improvise and respond to the situations presented to us. We must be honest and open. We must be willing to strip down our own inhibitions about our imperfect bodies and learn how to embrace ourselves as we teach our daughters to do the same.

Does the World Really Need a Stripper "Reality" Show?

Madame Noire’s Editor expresses her feelings about the possibility of a new reality show coming to VH1 about the Miami strip club King of Diamonds—to summarize, she’s not looking forward to it.


A dancer there, Blac China, who appeared in the rapper Tyga’s video for “Rack City” may be the star of the show.

“And if the show will be anything like the “Rack City” video, which features some exotic dancing entertainment, you’ll be subjected to a whole lot of booty shots, pole twirling and thirsty (I’m talking DEHYDRATED) guys going gaga at the club.”

The Editor points out that she has nothing against the ladies working there, but she doesn’t see any good of bringing this show to television. And I would have to agree.

I’m not against strippers stripping obviously, but if this just becomes the next new reality show to go mainstream I think we’re heading down a bumpy road.

I mean, what age women watch VH1?

I’m sure there’s going to be a whole lot of the glamorization of stripping presented without a hefty dose of the reality behind the dancers’ lives. Except of course when it leads to drama and catfights and all those other stripper stereotypes you can think of.

I fear that the show will be edited to convince people that all the stereotypes they have about strippers are true.

I’ve got news for you world—they’re not.

A New Low--Stripper Fighting

I find this news bit on TMZ disturbing—Lil’ Wayne happily watched a new “sport,” otherwise known as stripper fighting.

At the Miami club King of Diamonds he lounged ringside as two supposed strippers punched each other. Then he awarded the winner $1,000 in singles.

Is this really what people find entertaining?

What ABout Us Average Women?

The Daily Mail’s Tamara Abraham reports on an article in PLUS Model Magazine that claims “Most runway models meet the BMI criteria for anorexia.”

“A magazine dedicated to plus-size fashion and models has sparked controversy with a feature claiming that most runway models meet the Body Mass Index criteria for anorexia.

Accompanied by a bold shoot that sees a nude plus-size model posing alongside a skinny 'straight-size' model, PLUS Model Magazine says it aims to encourage plus-size consumers to pressure retailers to better cater to them, and stop promoting a skinny ideal.”

I applaud the magazine’s photo shoot that spotlights size 12 model Katya Zharkova, 28, with a “regular” size model to show the discrepancy in their bodies.

The photos are accompanied by remarks made about women and body image, such as “Twenty years ago the average fashion model weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today, she weighs 23% less.”

The expose does a great job of highlighting what an extreme there is between a “regular” model and a “plus size” model.

What this experiment on body image seems to bring to light for me is that we are missing most in the media is the middle ground.

We need to see more average-size women, not just skinny or curvy—what about the mass majority of women who just fall into that middle zone? What should we be called? “Average” models?

Why can’t we just see a mix of ALL sizes in magazines? Why does it have to be skinny or plump?

We will have achieved success in body image when we open a magazine and see photos of all sizes of women mixed together in a normal fashion magazine rather than women being separated into categories of this and that extreme.

How can we put more pressure onto fashion magazines and media to more accurately represent the full array of women’s beauty?

Breast Cancer Awareness

Giuliana Rancic has become a poster child for breast cancer awareness since being diagnosed this past year. She was very candid with letting her television audience know what was going on.


She made the decision to have a double mastectomy for the one percent chance that the cancer might return. And then she returned to work two weeks later.

A piece in the Huff Post quotes Giuliana Rancic at the Television Critics Association press tour: "I don't give two shits about my breasts. I didn't care that at the Golden Globes, I wouldn't be able to show cleavage.”

I’m glad Rancic is being so open about discussing her situation. She stands in a position to help other women make a difficult decision.

I’ve often look back and wondered if my mother had had a mastectomy when she was first diagnosed if she would still be here with us today.

I’d much rather be alive and breastless than the alternative.

How do you think you would face a breast cancer diagnosis?

Our Pasts Follow Us

Another example of a teacher being penalized for her past—Pumps Magazine reports that former New York City teacher Melissa Petro, was forced to resign because of her past employment choices.


Apparently, Petro worked not only as a stripper, but also as a prostitute, but she quit long before she started teaching.

Now Petro will be appearing in Penthouse’s February issue in a spread with the clichéd naughty school teacher theme.

Petro supposedly feels good about reverting back to her old line of work: “A part of me likes being exposed — the more exposed the better.”

What is it about our culture that makes people want to expose so much? Do we all want to be seen so badly that we look for ways to get ourselves out there no matter what?

And is my becoming a writer just another way to expose myself? Just now with words instead of clothes?

Can You Spell E-x-h-i-b-i-t-i-o-n-i-s-t?!

John Semley from AV Club Toronto exposes the latest stripping niche—spelling and stripping!


I give you the Toronto Strip Spelling Bee created by Montreal author Sherwin Sullivan Tjia.

This competitive event that happens whenever the author feels like it sounds like an event I could really get behind (a little tushie joke there!). It’s such an interesting mix of sexy and smart.

Tija explains in the interview that some of the people who attend are exhibitionists, but there are others who just need a little prodding to have fun. And it’s all in good sport—people only strip down to their underwear.

I love the concept of nudging people into fun. This is how Tija describes it:

“What I’ve discovered is that there are people that want to show their bodies to the world. But if you ever told them to do a striptease, they would say, “No.” They’d feel vain, or that people would judge them. But within the framework of a spelling bee, where you’re forced to do this when you get a word wrong, but they’re also orchestrating it—it’s like ... I went to art school because I didn’t have the discipline to be self-propelling at the time. Sometimes you need people to crack the whip, to get you to do the things you really want to do.”

And my favorite part? Usually when the still-clothed winner comes to collect their trophy, they usually strip down anyway.

Gap Kids' Booty Shorts!

I learned about theses sequined shorts available now at Gap Kids from Jezebel.

It’s so fascinating to troll comments on subjects like this because I know what I’m going to see before I even begin scrolling through.

I know there are going to be the moms who are outraged at the inappropriateness and other moms who are going to be like—Oh! How cute!

There are going to be those who shout in all caps—HOW DARE GAP DRESS OUR LITTLE GIRLS LIKE STRIPPERS?!

And don’t forget the requisite practical—It’s all just marketing; the head honchos translating grown-up clothes into mini-versions for kids.

So where does the average, level-headed mom fall?
Well, if that mom is me, which I’m not sure she is, I would say what I notice is all my forty-year-old woman baggage coming up.

The first thing that jumped out to me was the owl shirt the shorts are teamed up with along with the tag line—sequins are a hoot!

My mind went immediately to the restaurant Hooters! But, trust me, that’s my mind, not where my daughter’s mind would go.

She would just be like—Oh! Pretty! Sequined shorts and an owl shirt!

And I guess I’d fall into the middle-zone on this. How short are they? With tights they’d probably be cute and fine. But, no, I’m not rushing out to buy these for my daughter, but do I feel there’s some evil plan out there by the Gap executives to over-sexualize my daughter? Nah—probably not.

They’re probably just marketing what they think will sell. And little girls like sequins—not dressing like strippers.

Would you let your daughter wear sequined short-shorts?

Huffington Post Blogging!

I'm happy to announce that I'll be blogging for The Huffington Post!

Check out my blogger page, become a fan, and please post comments on my blog!

Thanks everyone!

More Women Considering Stripping in Down Economy

The Huffington Post UK’s Lucy Sherriff asks how far someone might go to find a job in Student Jobs Over Christmas: From Hamley's Elf To Stripper.

She spoke to two college students who took very different job routes over the holidays—one paying minimum wage as an elf and one paying lots of cold, hard cash for dancing in her skivvies.

Hannah, the 19-year-old student from Sheffield University, who started stripping, is making £400-£500 a night.

Is it any surprise that there are going to be many young women who turn to stripping when faced with this financial dilemma?

The concern becomes when stripping is something that they really don’t feel comfortable with, as Hannah expressed.

"I would hate for anyone to find out as I am quite ashamed - and it would ruin any chance of having a respectable career in the future. But I just can't afford to turn down that much money."

Before strapping on stilettos and pole dancing, women need to consider all the possible risks involved by examining their motivations and morals for the job.

Stripper Millionaires--Not!

The New York Post’s December 11th article by Eric Torbenson and Annie Karni—Shaking that moneymaker for 10 grand a night: Jiggle joint’s millionaire strippers share their naughty $ecrets—is pretty disappointing.


First of all, none of the strippers mentioned are “millionaires” by any means, so they stick that in the title and just perpetuate the myth of the uber-wealthy high-class gentlemen’s club stripper.

One stripper, Tali, explains how she made $10,000 from a guy because she told him her his name. And that he just wanted to talk about his troubled marriage.

But from what I’ve experienced, I kind of question Tali saying, “He wanted to know what I thought from a woman’s point of view.”

The thing is that strip club customers don’t think of strippers as “women” per se. It’s more like strippers represent pretty sounding boards that men want to reflect back what they already think.

I remember men talking about what shrews their wives were, like I’d totally get it because I was a stripper and hence must be really “cool” with men being chauvinistic pigs.

If I ever questioned them on their complaints (yes, I know that ruined my tips, but sometimes you’ve got to speak up, even in a strip club), they looked at me like, oh my god, she’s one of them! (“Them” being real women.)

And second of all, what “naughty secrets”?

Is it really any surprise to non-strip club customers that the strippers who make the most money are the ones who are “flirty and persuasive”? Not the ones who have the nicest bodies?

“It’s actually about having an appealing personality and spending your free time reading up on current events so you can engage men in conversation for hours while they fork over money because they feel a personal connection.”

Umm, yeah.

That’s what the serious customers are there for—the illusion that a pretty girl likes them. Just don’t break the illusion by questioning why their wives should have dinner on the table when they walk in the door—just trust me on that one.

Oh, the Drama of Breasts!

The Orange County Register’s Jo Ashline reports on yet another breastfeeding debacle—Nascar driver bashes public breastfeeding, apologizes.

Nascar driver Kasey Kahne expressed himself through a tweet when he saw a mother breastfeeding in public:

"Just walking through supermarket. See a mom breast feeding little kid. Took second look because I was obviously seeing things. I wasn't! I don't feel like shopping anymore or eating."

His tweet did the obvious—offended many and also found supporters of breastfeeding being gross.

Ashline pointed out my beliefs in beautiful words:

“Many responded by pointing out that NASCAR has a reputation of exploiting breasts in campaign ads, and that female fans of the popular racing circuit often dress in a way that leaves little to the imagination, concluding that it's okay for a woman to flaunt her breasts in front of a man as long as they aren't being used for what they were intended: to feed and nurture a child.”

Kahne took to Twitter once again and tried to clean up his ignorance:

"I understand that my comments regarding breastfeeding posted on Twitter were offensive to some people. For that, I apologize. It was in no way my intention to offend any mother who chooses to breastfeed her child, or, for that matter, anyone who supports breast feeding children. I want to make that clear.

In all honestly, I was surprised by what I saw in a grocery store. I shared that reaction with my fans on Twitter. It obviously wasn't the correct approach, and, after reading your feedback, I now have a better understanding of why my posts upset some of you.

My comments were not directed at the mother's right to breastfeed. They were just a reaction to the location of that choice, and the fashion in which it was executed on that occasion.

I respect the mother's right to feed her child whenever and wherever she pleases."

Hmm…sounds mysteriously like some PR person jumped up and typed up a nice response for Kahne. Smoothed out the wrinkles. Tried to tone down any offense.

This all really makes me want to go out in public somewhere and nurse!

Nursing Mothers Unite!

Perezitos applauds the national nurse-in at Target today thanks to a Texas mother who was asked to move to a fitting room when she was discreetly nursing at a local store.

Michelle Hickman vented on Facebook and a mission was begun. The nursing moms who visited over 100 stores across the country found the Target employees ready (and obviously prepped) for them.

All Target employees were friendly and welcoming, but that comes as no surprise. DO you really think they would risk offending a large market share? Not to mention it’s absolutely legal to nurse in public in 45 states!

What’s the most disturbing thing I’ve seen from the reports is that there were a bunch of people (seems like mostly men) who think nursing in public is gross.

Umm…hello?

These are probably the same men who think hooters on display in every other situation should be applauded. It seems some men want boobs to only be their sexual play things and displayed in ways that appeal to their sensibilities—what a shocker.

The Pole Position: Is Stripping for You? (And How to Stay Healthy Doing It)

Good news—my Decision-Making Guide and Self-Discovery Journal that will help women to further value their own identities through their quest to understand their motivations for stripping is now available through Smashwords.


You can view a free sample or purchase an e-book version of The Pole Position: Is Stripping for You? (And How to Stay Healthy Doing It) in just about any format you can dream of.

For women interested in developing their own life narratives, they will explore how writing their lives and discovering their selves is all part of an ongoing process. The dots are connected between the bonds of body, beauty, and self with which modern women struggle, so that readers may be able to look to themselves for answers to questions of identity.

The print version will be available through Amazon soon!

Giving Birth in Black and White

IVillage has an incredible photo of a baby being born.


The photo by Lynsey Stone, titled "I Love You Baby!" shows a mother and father birthing the baby and is an entry in the National Geographic Photo Contest 2011.

When I first saw the photo I thought it might be fake. It just looks so staged and the mother seems to be playing the part of a woman in labor as opposed to actually experiencing the birth.

I mean, did she hold the baby in while a stylist made sure there were no signs of sweat on her, no hair out of place, no blood or other birth-related real stuff in the shot?

Is this really beautiful or just another example of how we are letting the world into every aspect of our lives as long as it’s been prettied up?

Stripper Moms Paying the Bills

The Huffington Post’s Emma Gray reports on Phone Sex Moms: In Tough Economic Times, More Mothers Turn To Sex Work.


Well, there are always going to be customers, so it makes sense that moms would get in on the money action.

“ABC News reported that over the last year and a half, as the recession has continued to take a toll on employment opportunities, the number of women who have young children engaging in sex work has risen 400 percent. This figure comes from ratracerebellion.com, an organization dedicated to finding mothers at-home work. The numbers seem a bit shocking, but then again, hasn't sex work always been considered a "recession-proof" occupation?”

There are lots of benefits to working at home for moms obviously, but I would think it might dampen a sexy talk if there was a baby crying in the background, unless of course, there was guy into that somewhere…

I think there are definitely women looking into this kind of work who might not have considered it during a better job market. It’s for that exact reason that I wrote The Pole Position: Is Stripping For You? (And How to Stay Healthy Doing It), which is soon to be released by Every Day Create.

In these uncertain economic times, one of the job possibilities young women (and even moms!) may be curious about is stripping, even though they may never have imagined themselves taking their clothes off for cash before. THE POLE POSITION answers technical, emotional, financial, and moral questions to reveal the truth behind the fiction.

•Are high-end Gentlemen’s Clubs in the city as glamorous as I’ve heard?

• Will my local dive-club be dangerous and demeaning?

• Will I be expected to perform “extras” for the managers?

• Is leaving the stripping world as difficult as some say?

• Am I prepared for the difficulties involved?

• How do I really feel about stripping?

THE POLE POSITION: Is Stripping for You? (And How to Stay Healthy Doing It) is a Decision-Making Guide and Self-Discovery Journal that will help women to further value their own identities through their quest to understand their motivations for stripping. For women interested in developing their own life narratives, they will explore how writing their lives and discovering their selves is all part of an ongoing process. The dots are connected between the bonds of body, beauty, and self with which all modern women struggle, so that readers may be able to look to themselves for answers to questions of identity.

Each of the 9 chapters is followed by ten questions for review with space to journal answers, which will help women explore their motivations, strengths, and possible weaknesses for survival in the business.

I wonder what other moms’ opinions are about this. How would you feel if you found out your mom friend was making money talking dirty late at night? Or even stripping?

Children in the News

When I see a story like this one on Yahoo, it just makes my mind wobble in shock.

A school has been accused of putting a 9-year-old autistic student in a duffel-like bag as punishment for acting out. The drawstring was pulled tight, alleges his mother, who came upon the scene when she was called to the school.

“At a meeting with school district officials, the bag was described as a "therapy bag," Baker said, though she wasn't clear exactly what that meant. She said her son would sometimes be asked to roll over a bag filled with balls as a form of therapy, but she didn't know her son was being placed in the bag. She said school officials told her it was not the first time they had put him in the bag.”

How could anyone, especially educators, ever put a child into a bag?

This has eerie similarities to the story yesterday about a Chicago father who posted a photo on Facebook of his daughter bound and gagged with duct tape.

Trust me, I know when a child misbehaves there’s a great urge to make them stop. And I’ve been on the edge of sanity sometimes and not known what to do. But help me here, there aren’t really people who think any of this is an okay practice, are there?

I think we’d all agree on the duct tape being so wrong that it’s even frightening to look at the photo. But a school that places autistic children in bags? This can’t be an acceptable practice in anyone’s mind.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Little...What?!

The Telegraph is reporting that kids have been banned from making a “star” sign with their hands while singing Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star because the gesture resembles sign language for vagina and they don’t want anyone to be offended.


One mom said: "It seems a little politically correct. These are innocent little children just making a sign to show a star. No-one would give it a second thought. Now every parent may worry their child may be making an offensive gesture when they're singing this song."

Okay, my big question…why is the word vagina “an offensive gesture”? It’s just a vagina. It’s a body part.

If a sign language user actually saw these kids making little star-like shapes with their hands that in some way resembled the sign for vagina, I think they might think it was kind of cute and funny, but offensive? Hardly.

My daughter at brunch with friends a few weeks ago was showing that she had a kitty scratch on her middle finger. Were my friends offended? No. Amused at her innocence? Yes.

Moving on…

First a Stripper, Next...a Murderer!

KOMO News reports that “A judge in Anchorage has dismissed a murder indictment against Mechele Linehan, who was accused of conspiring to kill her former fiance. Linehan, a former Anchorage stripper who eventually settled in Olympia was convicted in 2007 of killing Kent Leppink, who was shot on an isolated trail 11 years earlier.”

My big question is why does every article related to this story have to point out that Linehan had been a stripper?

It’s like a woman’s past, even if it has nothing to do with her present, needs to be dragged up every time she is mentioned. In this particular case, are we supposed to make some kind of association between strippers and murderers? Like, well, she was a stripper, so you know, that kind of explains it all—she’s immoral, so…she’s a murderer!

It’s not a big jump to make, right? A woman who will take off her clothes for a living will have no problem also arranging a murder.

Watch out folks…I’m on the loose!

Margaret Cho Rocks It!

I love how Margaret Cho can just cut through the crap and get to the heart of a thing.


On her blog today she talks about the whole Lindsay Marilyn Monroe Playboy spread.

While she puts Lindsay in her place with humor regarding the $5,000 purse, and $10,000 cash in said purse, she takes an interesting approach to the photo shoot.

“The sadness I feel about Lindsay has more to do with the media’s casting of her as Marilyn Monroe, swaddled in red velvet, sad eyes and vermillion lips, and a framing of her story as if it has already ended. These magazines constantly show her as if she is already dead and I feel scared and freaked out and mad like why can’t they just give this kid a fucking chance?”

For some reason our society still loves to cast women as the ultimate sex-bomb victim, as if that role is the highest honor to bestow upon a woman.

Why can’t we have iconic sexy female figures in glasses and studying literature?

Why can’t we honor a woman’s sensuality in some other form than bikini model, tragic sex icon, or waif?

Say It Loud and Proud...Vagina!

I’m sorry I’m just finding the article Sperm Trumps Vagina. WTF? by Dr. Lissa Rankin now; it’s awesome!


She totally captures how I feel about the old double-standard of how it’s okay to talk about penises, but not vaginas

I remember a few years ago, when my step-nephew reached his hand down to his wet swim trunks and exclaimed, “I touched my penis!”

Have you ever heard a 4-year-old girl be this proud to announce to the world that she touched her genitals?

I don’t even remember my mom ever naming my vagina for me. It was referred to as “down there” or that place where I pee from. I remember describing it once to my mom as the front of my bottom.

When I had a daughter I decided I would never be afraid to speak up about down there. I made sure to use the name vagina to get her used to it. Let her know it has a name. Vagina.

I mean we take the pride to name little girls’ other parts—knee, elbow, fingers, toes. Why not—vagina?

This is your vagina. It’s where babies are born from.

Maybe one day she’ll reach in her pants and proudly say, “I touched my vulva.” And I will beam poolside.

Of course, I think cute names are okay, too. In everyday speak, we call the vagina the nina.

And I never squirm from explaining the answers to her questions. She already knows that she will one day get a period, too. And a week ago, she decided it was time to practice. So she put a panty liner in her panties for the night.

How can I expect my daughter to feel healthy and comfortable about her body if her mother doesn’t? I strive every day to find new ways to accept how I feel about my body. Every part of it.

To Strip Or Not To Strip

Me, a few weeks before Tommy

Interesting piece by Ronnie Koenig, Baring the Belly: Why I posed nude while pregnant on Babble.


Koenig examines her feelings about her body throughout her life and determines that all women should pose nude while pregnant.

I won’t go so far as to suggest that—there are some women whom I’m sure are just fine without posing nude in their lifetimes. And, of course, Koenig is only speaking of a healthy, beautiful, loving experience with a qualified photographer.

I do kind of regret not having nudes of me while pregnant. It would be pretty cool to compare my body back when I was in perfect shape (but thought I was fat) with my blossoming belly (and thighs) of my pregnant body.

But I actually adored my body while pregnant. I wore tighter-fitting clothes and sexier outfits when I was pregnant. I felt freed from any perfect standards I forced myself into when not pregnant. It was quite exhilarating to dress trying to accent my belly rather than hide it.

Now that I’m no longer pregnant, I’m back to my old ways. Wearing loose-fitting jeans and shirts and doing my best to cover myself up again.

Perhaps what moms should do is photograph themselves right after giving birth. I did this just because I knew my belly would have to get better eventually and I’d be able to look back and say, thank goodness.

Hmm, why would I want to save photos of my poor, wrinkly flesh after having been stretched to the limit for nine months and then suddenly deflated? Perhaps as evidence of all the sacrifices I made for my children.

Two weeks post-partum belly. My belly button totally popped out and it looked like a nose.

These are my war wounds; and I'm not ashamed.

Women Living Large

I love Kristen Houghton’s, author of “And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness,” post on Huffington Post today: Weight: Why One Size Doesn't Fit All.

Houghton is clearly a Stripper Mom as she explains how she used to be the “fat girl,” but that it’s something that most people don’t know about her. She doesn’t go around announcing it to everyone she meets, but she sees that it does affect her today and she’s not ashamed to “admit” her past.

She was fortunate enough to meet an inspiring professor in college who helped her to embrace the body she had as she worked on creating a new relationship to herself; it is through that process that she ended up losing the excess weight.

It definitely seems like times are changing for women when I look around. There obviously is still a bias toward slender women in the media, but I think there’s change brewing.

Ah…I foresee a world where women can live as themselves, being just who they are, looking the way they look, and feeling good about themselves.

We won’t be afraid of our pasts, our presents, or our futures.

Christmas Wishes

The Christmas spirit wants to fill me, wants to deck my halls, wants to skip through fields of Christmas trees.

And my children wouldn’t mind if the Christmas spirit paraded me through a toy store with credit card in hand.

But as most people are this year, we’re trying to reign in the joy, well, not the joy, but the spending.

The old age question arises, which would you rather have as a child? A bunch of small gifts or one big special thing that you really want?

I’m trying to find a happy medium—a special something that’s kind of spectacular and a bunch of cool, inexpensive doo-dads. That’s what I think I would have liked. There’s just something so spectacular about seeing a big old pile of shiny boxes under the tree in the morning.

We all want to know that our needs are going to be met.

And it’s just kind of cool when we discover that (sometimes, not always) our desires will be heard and met, too.

JWoww's Greatest Dream

Gossip Cop quotes Jersey Shore’s JWoww on posing for Maxim magazine’s January 2012 issue as being “probably my highest accomplishment.”


My immediate reaction is of ridicule, but we have certain definitions of success that (hopefully) change a bit as we age, huh?

I remember when I was in my twenties that getting a part in a show or just imaging my big dreams of landing a part in a movie coming to fruition were my biggest aspirations.

It’s interesting what we see as being our highest accomplishments when we’re in our twenties, isn’t it?

It’s a bit sad that many women (the old me included) see appearing on a magazine cover in a bikini as our greatest achievement.

I know though that there are many women who do not need the hindsight of experience to realize there are many greater aspirations.

The question maybe should be, what can we do as a society to encourage women to hold greater dreams from their childhoods forward?

Are People Involved in Porn Inherently Bad?

Perez Hilton reports on Perezitos about how an “Ex Gay Porn Actor Tried To Teach High School, But Fox News Put An End To That!”


This man, Kevin Hogan, who was in three gay porn films eventually moved on to another career—English teacher. And now that parents and the school has found out about his past, there is outrage.

Perez Hilton thinks it goes to him being gay, but I would strongly disagree with that. To me, it sounds like the problem is that he chose to be in porn at all. He is now on paid leave.

I want to know why what someone did in their past, which isn’t illegal, has any bearing on who they are today and what they are capable of. Even better, even if someone was involved in something illegal, why should that matter if they are a different person today?

I am proud of who I am today, but I refuse to hide my past. Yes, I was a stripper. Yes, there are photographs of me in the world.

But I am a good mom. And I am a good English teacher. But no, I was not born those things. It is my past that created the woman I am today.

Our pasts help define us, but do not have the final word. Who we are today is what matters; what we have created from our pasts and what we’ve decided to give to the world is what matters.

Multitasking Moms

Joan Raymond in MSNBC’s Vitals’ Section looks at new research that shows moms are multitasking about ten hours more a week than dads and not so happy doing it.

“Moms are more likely to get stuck with labor-intensive housework or childcare activities, while dads generally multitask by talking to several people at once or performing self-care. Dads are also more involved in kids' recreational activities.”

This is something most moms I know are experiencing firsthand. I wouldn’t say it’s even anything the dads are meaning to do, in fact, most dads I know are extremely hands-on and involved in the household responsibilities But perhaps it’s true that the dads tend to focus on the more “fun” household tasks where the moms feel responsible for the nitty-gritty details like switching out too-small clothes for bigger ones, washing dishes, and making sure he diaper bag has everything needed in it before the family walks out the door.

“To help ease the strain, the authors suggest sharing the load by getting dad more involved in the mundane aspects of home and child care.”

How does your family handle the challenges of balancing out daily mundane household chores?

Celebrity Momster

I started a new blog to gripe about celebrity moms at Celebrity Momster.

I am very liberal and all about letting everyone be themselves and do their thing, but there’s still this urge I have to point at others and say, oh my god!

And those people are often celebrity moms.

Sometimes it’s just fun to say, Suck It!

Ex-Porn Star Can Read!

I’m not surprised that an ex-porn star, Sasha Grey, reading to children in a public school is being reacted to negatively.

What I am surprised about is that no one has shown any surprise that an ex-porn star can actually read! I mean, come on, anyone involved in the adult business must be illiterate, too, right?

The hypocrisy that this news bite shines light on seems to go completely unnoticed.

Why does it matter what this woman used to do for a living? She was invited because she’s a mainstream actress now. Why can’t we let go of people’s pasts?

And why is it such a big deal that she used to have sex on film? If you hadn’t noticed, people are having sex all over the world! Guess what? It’s what creates babies and you know, perpetuates the species and all.

How can we be so judgmental about how a person chooses to have sex when it isn’t harming anyone else?

The woman came and read to students in a classroom. She did not promote her former sex tapes. She did not have sex with the children.

She read books.

Get over it already.

We Learn From Others’ Strengths

The truth that when we are feeling down we should look to others, give to others, has always resonated with me. Of course, it can be hard to look outside ourselves when we are in certain depressed states.


As a mother who can never take a day off, it can feel even harder and more unfair, even when we know we have it pretty good.

Karon Brown’s story was the inspiration I needed today. She is a former crack dealer, stripper, drug user and—a mother.

She has been through recovery more than once, but now finds herself in a good place. She is an addiction counselor and she is writing.

Every time a stripper or former stripper proves to do something positive with their lives, I glow a bit.

Every time the old stereotypes about strippers fall down for a moment, I sigh a happy moment of relief.

Stripper. Drug dealer. Druggie. You name it. Everyone’s got something in their past that others may look down on. But isn’t what matters what one thinks of oneself? And isn’t what will be remembered the good that we make of our entire lives, not just one moment?

Have a Stripperific Halloween!

Is-halloween-too-scary-or-too-sexy

Since when is Halloween the opportunity for kids to let out their inner stripper?


Perhaps we lived in a different era back when I was a kid in the 70’s. There were no “Halloween” stores for buying premade costumes. Either your mom sewed together a sad-looking bunny costume for you or you took a sheet and cut out a few eye holes.

A quick walk through the Halloween store at the Westfield Shopping Center in Milford with my three children was more like a let’s-get-the-hell-out-of-this-sex-shop rampage.

There were aisles and aisles of slutty this and slutty that. Fishnet stockings, stripper stilettos, and every Slutty McSlutty outfit you could imagine. And the short skirts and suggestive attire was not kept to just the adult costumes—no, even the Strawberry Shortcake outfit for a girl had a certain cheesecake appeal to it.

Thank god my kids were more freaked out by the over-the-top grotesque and scary outfits to notice all the slut fierceness surrounding them.

Cole softly murmured, “Let’s get out of here; let’s get out of here…” and I was more than happy to oblige.

Since when does everybody want to pretend to be a stripper on Halloween? And why?

Minka Kelly's Stripper Mom and Archie Comics

There are lots of recaps floating around the Internet this week about the actress Minka Kelly’s Las Vegas Stripper Mom.

The gist of her thoughts toward her “gorgeous” mother was that she wished she’d been more of a mom rather than a friend, but Kelly doesn’t seem to harbor any bad feelings about her mother having been an exotic dancer.

I’m hoping my daughter will be as easily forgiving. Of course, I’m not working as a stripper now, but as Genny is becoming more aware of the world around her, I know I will need to address the issue eventually.

She actually just discovered Archie comics a few weeks ago when I bought some at a tag sale. She’s already loving Betty and Veronica. I’m trying to remember what I made of all their boy-craziness when I began reading them as a girl. I think I was about her same age when I started.

Well, perhaps the Archies will be a good preview for her about how girls and boys can be silly sometimes. As far as I know, there aren’t any stripper moms in Archies though. Not so far at least.


Photo courtesy of Susie B of Freedigitalphotos.net.

Baby’s Growing Up

I’ve been so busy that I’ve barely had time for blogging. Genny and Cole’s school has phase-in this week, but next week they’ll be back on their regular schedule.

Tomorrow is baby’s first birthday.

I’ve really been struck lately, meaning the last few months, how many amazing things are going on with my children. I keep wanting to record all the little changes, but the days keep getting away from me before I can save these mementos.

Like Cole is now speaking not only in sentences, but paragraphs. His favorite words are: actually, nope, and zoombah, as in: “I love you Mommy, zoombah.”

Genny is convinced I don’t love her, but I do like her. If I gave her chocolate every Wednesday though, then that would mean I love her.

And Thomas climbed up the entire flight of stairs before we realized it. He can walk holding on to the living room table.

And me? I’m trying to do too much as usual. Teach for two colleges, get my manuscript ready for publication, work on my other three or seven major writing projects, plan out the possibility of starting a small press.

And, oh yeah—get used to the fact that no matter what I seem to do, my stomach just wants to poof out like a mushroom. And remind myself that I shoudn’t care about something like that anymore.

Gape Seed: A Poetry Anthology

I received my contributor copies of Gape Seed: A Poetry Anthology by Uphook Press.

My first book!

I have a poem titled "Leaving Me" included.

I'll let you know about upcoming readings.

If you'd like to purchase a signed copy, just let me know!

Excuse Me While I Have Sex, I Mean—Nurse My Baby…

It’s the old double-standard, or is it?



After I read about James Hazell, a BBC radio host, comparing breastfeeding in public to him having sex with his wife in a restaurant, I had to look into what his comments were. I felt outraged if what I heard was true, that women shouldn’t be allowed to breastfeed in public because, just like sex, it’s something that should be done in private.



After reading this article, I feel his comments may have been taken slightly out of context. While it is true that he doesn’t feel comfortable with public nursing, his comment about sex was in response to a woman saying breastfeeding was: “the most natural thing in the world.”



While I agree, Hazell’s comment makes sense in context: “Next time you are out having a meal at a restaurant, on the basis that it [breastfeeding] is the most natural thing in the world, I will come in there with my wife and then make love right in front of you. Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, and that is fine, but there are a lot of natural things we don’t do in public.”



Yes, Mr. Hazell, I see your point. The “it’s natural” argument could open the door for people doing many socially-unaccepted things in public (masturbation, picking one’s nose, farting loudly, etc.), but when it comes to breastfeeding, it’s about nourishing a child; it’s not about satisfying some personal compulsion or something that could be put on hold until later.



When a child is hungry, he or she needs to eat. When one feels like having sex, one can (hopefully) wait until a room becomes available.

Stripping Down

I’m sorry I haven’t blogged here in awhile; I’ve been busy with my new blog Every Day Create.


I have great news though—my memoir Stripping Down is going to be published by Pink Fish Press.


I’ll give you more details soon!

A Stripper Mom at 48

Danielle Staub: Good-Bye ‘Real Housewives of New Jersey’, Hello Strip Club

Danielle, 48, has just signed a three-year contract with Scores Gentleman’s Club in NYC, TMZ reports, along with NSFW photos of Danielle on a stripper pole.

I’ve never seen the show The Real Housewives of New Jersey, but I’ve heard little flashes of it in the news.

I’m kind of impressed that Scores hired a 48-year-old mom as a stripper. Sure, they only did it for publicity sake, but still.

And I’m pretty amazed that Danielle Staub is confident enough to strip in Scores at 48-years-old.

I worked at Scores when it first opened. I was actually there on its opening day.

Scores is like the Cirque du Soleil of strip clubs—flashy, gimmicky, and full of people you kind of want to look at because they’re so beautiful and exotic, but kind of don’t want to look at because they’re so unreal-looking as to be a bit bizarre.

Perhaps Staub will fit right in.

Porn found in bin Laden hideout, officials say

I have to admit I find it humorous to imagine US officials studying the porn found in Bin Laden’s hideout for secret messages.

The U.S. has found so much pornography in the possession of al-Qaida operatives during previous raids that it spurred investigations into whether porn photos were being used to send coded messages, a former U.S. counterterrorism official told NBC News.

It is moments such as these when I stop and wonder who is in possession of naked photos of me.

Could naked photos of me be carrying secret messages across enemy lines?

Nah, probably just being used for “artistic” purposes!

Every Day Create!

I'm happy to launch my new website today: Every Day Create!

My life is so chaotic right now: 3 kids, teaching, writing.

I decided I need to create a goal to keep me centered every day.

I've had such good success this year with my commitment to work on my writing every day, so I figured, what if I applied that commitment to other areas?  Like my well-being! It’s just as important.

I believe we have the power to create our lives, but I have a hard time living into that.

One of my life challenges has always been not feeling like I’m allowed to fully live, really be myself—because I’m a bit worried people will see the real me, and well, not like me.

What if no one likes me? So what?!

I give myself permission to create my self out loud!

I devote myself to creating that self I’ve always wanted to be—bold, outrageous, joyful, and fun!

I’ll give myself (and you, if you so choose to accept the challenge) goals each week to create something totally new and unique. We won’t be staying in out comfort zone.

Join me.

Create your own daily goal every day, or use mine, or just watch what unfolds in the background until you’re ready to join in.

Every morning I’ll shoot my vlog, make my daily intention known to you—get it out of my head and into the world.

I’ll report back to you in the evening by blog to let you know how I did on following through.

Share your creation goals, too. Either vlog it or blog it in the comments section of my vlog.

Or you can just ditto if you’re going to try my goal of the day. The important thing is that you put it out there so you have someone else besides yourself counying on you.

Be sure to check back in later to let us all know your progress.

So that’s the general idea for now. I’ll tweak things as we go.

But I don’t want to wait to get started anymore.  I hold back on so many things because I always want things to be perfect.

No more!  Time to grab life and begin.

Let’s do it! Every day create!

Madonna is to Strippers like Sprinkles Are to Ice Cream

There's a short piece on Salon by Christine Macdonald today that really brought me back to the old days.

She's a former stripper turned writer and she talks about dancing to Madonna.

A part of me wants to shout out--What?!  YOU strippeed to Madonna, too?!  What a coincidence!  I did, too!

And her descriptions are so dead-on.  I danced to "Like a Prayer" also! 

I vogued on stage, too! 

And, I felt so cool and sexy doing it.  Madonna really brings out your inner-stripper.

But most importantly, Macdonald's writing reminds me that I was not and am not the exception.  There were and are a lot of other intelligent strippers (and ex-strippers, thank you very much) out there.

And you know what else?  There are good people still in the world...

I saw a lady driving by our house this week, pull over, get out of her car, pick up a leaf basket that was blown into the road, and carry it up into a lawn.  She paused, looked back at the road as if she were considering how windy it was, and then brought the basket further up into the lawn.

Then she got in her car and drove away. 

I actually said out loud as she drove away, "You've restored my faith in humanity."

Smart strippers and considerate drivers.  What a world!

Stripper Wisdom Graphic Memoir Excerpt

I have an excerpt from a graphic memoir I'm working on in Xenith Magazine.

Check out "My Other Nudie Jobs: Nude Housekeeper!"

Jet Fuel Review Spring Issue

I have a poem in Jet Fuel Review's premier issue.

Check it out here!

Prime Mincer

I have a graphic memoir piece published in Prime Mincer's debut issue.

I received my contributor copies--it's a very well-done literary journal.

If you'd like to purchase, please click through my Amazon button!

Mom, 3 children die when van goes into Hudson River

I know when I get overwhelmed with being a mother I sometimes feel like ending it all.  My depression can bubble up and rage through me.  I can feel like driving away and never coming back.

It can be a very scary feeling of being out of control.  Fortunately for me, I have a supportive husband and other support systems in place.  I know if I ever feel really crazed that there are people to turn to for help.

Unfortunately, for this mother, she was not able to find a way through her torment.

I don't know anything else besides what is in this article on MSNBC.  There was a domestic dispute.  Then she drove her car with her four children away, letting out the ten-year-old on the way to the river.  He then ran to the fire station and alerted them to what their mother was doing.

What makes this story hit me even harder is that her three children that died were all right about the same ages as my children.

To think of their final moments is to imagine my own three children in a situation like that.  I cry just imagining this.

I don't say this often, but my thoughts and prayers go out to this family, their friends, the whole town.  Our whole world.

No one should ever have to feel so hopeless. 

And before all the voices of, "Oh, what a horrible mother!  How could she?!" start exploding--I'd just like to ask that we stop and imagine how deeply disturbed this poor woman must have been to have been able to commit this act.

My heart goes out to them all.  May they rest in peace.