I am freaking awesome just the way I am

I remember the first time I heard Lorde’s song Royals on the radio, before anyone knew who she was; I said to myself, This woman is going to be famous.

When I learned she was only seventeen, I was blown away.

Seeing such talent in young women usually gives me two mixed reactions: 1) I feel like anything is possible and there is still great art and expression to be made by others and myself, and 2) I feel like I am way too old to have any impact in the world with my creativity and I might as well roll over and let the young people talk to the world.

Then I sober up emotionally and intellectually and realize there’s room for all our voices. The “Lordes” and the “me’s.”

It’s imperative to hear what the youth, who are experiencing the American culture upfront and loud make of it, but it’s also important to hear the balance and hindsight of our older voices.

Us.

The ones who have actually been saying “I'm kind of over gettin' told to throw my hands up in the air” for years or even decades.

Witnessing a seventeen-year-old taking risks and feeling like she has the right and audacity to say what’s she sick of in our popular culture, then maybe I can use her as inspiration to voice my own upset as a forty-two-year-old.

I definitely am over being told to throw my hands up in the air. I’m tired of being told to always be happy and carefree. But what I’m really over is being told what I‘m supposed to be and look like in so many hidden and not-so-hidden messages.

And it’s that special time of year again when the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition makes its debut on the newsstands. Showing us again that no matter what we say about women’s bodies, the ones that get celebrated publicly are the ones that fit a certain beauty ideal.

But you know what? I'm kind of over getting told to push my boobs up in the air.

So there.

I’m kind of over trying to live up to our culture’s beauty ideal, of worrying whether my thighs are thundering, of checking my butt in the mirror before I walk out the door.

I’m kind of over big boobs being worshipped.

That’s it.

I’m changing my life today.

I will no longer care what other people think.

I will live my life the way I choose and have no regrets.

I will teach yoga and writing in my own unique way, which will not please everyone, but I don’t care. I’m an awesome teacher and I make a difference in many people’s lives.

I will dance as if no one is watching, even when someone is.

I will sing loud even if people cover their ears.

I will write about the issues important to me.

I’m done with playing small in life. Except when it comes to my breasts. They are small and they are beautiful.

I’m done with never feeling good enough. I’m done with getting down on myself for not being perfect.

Today I take my stand.

I am freaking awesome just the way I am.

Some people will love me and some will hate me. It doesn’t matter either way.

I feel it. I know what’s important. Just like most of the women in our culture know it sometimes.

But I want to live it. Every day. I want to know it every day.

I AM beautiful just the way I am. I am worthy. I am important.

I hereby give myself permission to love my body, my life and myself. Little boobs and all.

Won’t you join me and say enough is enough already?

What are YOU over? What is holding you back from fully loving yourself and your life? Turn it on its head.

Let’s take back our self-esteem and our lives.

Let’s proudly show the world the women that we are. The women that should be—and can be—celebrated. 

But we need to make that choice before anyone else will make it for us. We need to demand the world change to reflect what we want to see.

I'm old enough and wise enough now to not be too proud to admit that I need to remind myself every day that I am worthy. That I am freaking awesome just the way I am.

Let's be the women who make that change so that our daughters won't need to remind themselves of that ever.

Strip Tease Was About More Than Sexual Fantasy

This article in The New York Post, Fantasy-selling strip clubs must pay taxes: judge, reminds me of a similar case in upstate New York last year.

Women take the stage at the Hustler Club.                                   Photo: Getty Images

In both clubs, the management argued they shouldn't have to pay taxes because of an old law on the books, which allows establishments to not pay taxes for “live dramatic, choreographic or musical performance.”

I can totally see how a strip club would try to snake by on this law.

And as I have discussed before, there are certain strippers, who on certain days, really are "dramatic" entertainers.

But let's get real. Even when I had an amazing dramatic performance as a stripper, I knew what most of the men were there for.

Wait a minute. I can't believe I'm backtracking. A lot of customers were certainly not there for a "choreographic" performance, but they were there for much more than just "sexual fantasy."

The customers came to have someone to talk to. To have friends to hang out with. To feel like they were worthy of being talked to by others. To waste time. To find time. To drown their sorrows. To forget life for a while. To live. To be seen. To disappear.

Some of the same reasons I was there.

And, yes. For some of us, when we went up onstage, under the rosy lights when time stood still, we were there to perform. To become sexual fantasies. To become seen and loved and adored from afar. From near.

Sheila Hageman as Kirea at The Blue Angel, NYC

We were human.

The customers. And me.

My Open Letter to Victoria's Secret

Here's my latest Huffington Post blog about the controversy surrounding a woman who was not allowed to breastfeed inside a Victoria's Secret store.

I mean, really? Please someone tell me that's not a store policy.

Read more here: An Open Letter to Victoria's Secret...

My Five-Minute Breaks from Feminism

When I saw this headline from The Onion, Woman Takes Short Half-Hour Break From Being Feminist To Enjoy TV Show, I laughed and cringed at the same time.

PORTLAND, OR—Saying that she just wanted a little time to relax and “not even think about” confining gender stereotypes, local health care industry consultant Natalie Jenkins reportedly took a 30-minute break from being a feminist last night to kick back and enjoy a television program. 

Jenkins, 29, told reporters that after a long and tiring day at her office, all she wanted to do was return home, sit down on her couch, turn on an episode of the TLC reality show Say Yes To The Dress, and treat herself to a brief half hour in which she could look past all the various and near constant ways popular culture undermines the progress of women.

I immediately got a guilty/funny flash in my tummy.

From The Onion

Umm, hee, hee…I’m a feminist, but umm…I kind of like to, well…

I get a divine rush of—oh my God, how could she?!—when I read about what Kim Kardashian wore or did.

My fingers tremble to reach out and pick up that copy of People at the grocery store checkout to find out if Jennifer Aniston is finally pregnant.

I secretly dream I have huge breasts and wear push-up bras and low-cut sweaters.

I like how my legs look when I wear heels.

I wish my wrinkles would magically disappear overnight.

I swoon when my husband opens the car door for me.

I enjoy Miley Cyrus’ Wrecking Ball song and video.

And yes, even though the lyrics can be seen as kind of “rapey” and women are being objectified, I don’t turn the channel when Robin Thicke’s Blurred Lines is on the radio (unless my kids are in the car).

Phew. I feel better after my little confession.

Now back to the originally scheduled Sheila.

What are your dirty, not-fighting-the-fight secrets that you do not want anyone to know?

Come on…I dare you…

Performer Sexual Integrity

The Daily Mail has a thought-provoking article today: Now opera gets sexy: Singer who stripped down to a leopard-print leotard says performers SHOULD embrace their sexuality (just not 'desperate' Miley Cyrus) by Leon Watson.

@Alastair Muir

The opera performer Danielle de Niese who is appearing in Francesco Cavalli's bawdy opera La Calisto at the Bayerische Staatsoper in Munich, Germany, explains that her appearance in La Calisto is different from a performance like Miley’s.

“She claimed she only strips down when she has 'artistic integrity.'

 Cyrus, she says, is trying to 'break free from her previous image.’”

de Niese explains that she believes there is a difference to sexually charged performances that have to do with the purpose of the performance.

I agree heartily with the idea that it is important for women to embrace their sexuality and their own sexual identity. The purpose for performing in a sexual way or stripping down on stage can make the difference between something being seen as crass and desperate or beautiful and meaningful.

Of course, it is hard to read a person’s mind when they are performing. Yes, we might say Miley Cyrus’ performances seem to have to do with creating a new image, but who are we to say that is wrong?

Yes, it all may be a carefully crafted marketing strategy, but how do we know if she feels sexually liberated? Only the person behind the performance can really know if what they are doing has integrity or not.

I believe an opera singer and a pop singer may have artistic integrity in their sexually alive performances.

I find myself deeply exploring the idea of my own expressed-sexuality lately. After many years of turning my back on my stripper/nude model former self, I find myself wanting to return to the roots of that identity that really were supportive and empowering. I have focused so much on the negatives of stripping, I feel myself wanting to reconnect to myself as a “performer” and what that really means to me.

Kvon Photography

Who decides what is appropriate representation versus negative for each of us? I can only answer to my own thoughts about what is integrity-filled for me today.

I want to explore that performer part of myself again, but on my own terms this time.

Can Stripping Be Empowering?

A video segment I appeared in for Huffington Post has been posted on AOL Jobs, Can Strip Clubs Be Places Of Empowerment?

Watching it just made me realize how ANY place can be a place of empowerment, but sometimes only after the fact.

I didn't feel too empowered when men were belittling me back then, but I do feel empowered that I survived and managed to not be too bitter.

It's all in what we make of what happens in our lives...

Ed Miliband On Page 3 and Topless Women

Ed Miliband  - The Huffington Post

Things are a changing, world.

The No More Page 3 Campaign in England is really showing how to create change. 

Start the conversation and it will spread.

There is no place in the modern world for pictures of topless women in newspapers like The Sun, Ed Miliband sensationally said today. 

But the Labour leader said he will not ban Page 3 pin-ups if he becomes prime minister after the 2015 general election.

This article on the Huffington Post UK uses a quote by me...

Blogging exclusively for The Huffington Post UK, a former topless model also advocated highlighting women's talents and abilities in the Sun, rather than just their flesh. 

"When I was 18, I used nude modeling as a way to earn money to support my acting career," wrote author and mum of three Sheila Hageman. 

"Was I thrilled and empowered by my job? Some days and jobs, yes, but the majority of my time was spent consumed by inner conflict about my choice. 

"Just because an attractive woman decides to pose topless does not mean she's happy about it," she wrote.

I've been rethinking my past a lot lately. I am trying to come to new acceptance for myself and looking for ways to embrace my sexuality, which I feel sometimes I cut off when I left the adult entertainment business.

There is most definitely a place for sexy, but it is not in a daily newspaper.

Get Naked in Seattle

Yanhong Ma’s “Venice Hotel,” 2012.

I wish I was in Seattle to see this exhibit called "Get Naked," as reviewed in the Seattle Times.

“Get Naked,” at Bryan Ohno Gallery in Seattle, comprises works by eight women who depict their own and others’ bodies in ways that are honest, graphic and elusive, writes reviewer Gayle Clemans.

I go back and forth in my mind about how and what I feel the need to express about the way women's bodies are represented.

I feel like there's something inside of myself. Something to be expressed.

I'm glad there are other women out there actually doing it--exploring female imagery in relation to sexuality and power.

I'm getting a creative itch that I don't yet know how to scratch.

Stripper is so hot, she sets off fire alarm!

Photo of Go Go Amy via http://news.stv.tv/

Stripping can be a dangerous act, as the people at the Dundee Tattoo Convention would have you know. A burlesque dancer by the name of Go Go Amy set off the smoke alarm when she blew her flaming tassels out.

Ah, yes.

I remember the days when my flaming tassels would set off the smoke alarm.

OK, well, maybe not, but I do remember when I danced at The Blue Angel (aka Fallen Angel) that one particular performer used to set the red curtain behind the stage on fire at least once a week. This would happen in a tiny basement club with just one door out the front. If you were in the dressing room when the place was about to burst into flames, you were out of luck.

The joys of my former life.

Sexual Objectification in American Apparel Must Be the Biggest Joke Played On Us EVER!

American Apparel Unisex Flannels...Hey, it's a flannel...button up!

American Apparel likes to push the envelope in their advertising.

And by "push the envelope" I mean they like to see just how much they can sexually objectify women in their advertising to get attention for their brand, but not push it so far as to lose their female customers.

But what I find so interesting is that it feels like they're mocking their customers with some sick joke to see just how glaring they can make their scheme before someone says--What the @#$%?!

Well, Business Insider's "American Apparel's 'Unisex' Ads Portray Men And Women Very Differently," was just enough to push my envelope into the--You're joking, right, American Apparel?!

The blatant sexual objectification of women wearing flannel shirts in all sorts of sexy, come-hither poses is absurd and demeaning next to the shots of male models wearing the same types of shirts all buttoned up and shown in normal day-to-day human activities.

Hey...What did I do with my pants?

They may argue it's "Art," but to me it just seems ridiculous.

Let's smoke and wear pants with our flannels! You know, because we're men!

I can't be the only one like--what are they trying to prove? Why would women buy from a company that thinks it's fine to let men have personalities and women only have sexuality?

You know you want to buy this jacket, ladies...

I mean, come on. Enough already.

Hey dudes, like my keen jacket?

It's got to be a joke, right?

Right?!

This is My Body

Photo of San Francisco protesters by PolicyMic

Some really cool events stirring around in the media this week.

The first was a protest in front of a Victoria’s Secret store in San Francisco by a group called About-Face who promote a healthy body image. Policy Mic’s article, Protesters Strip Down In Front Of Victoria'sSecret To Promote a Healthy Body Image, reported on the event:

The protesters — including one male participant — gathered in front of the storefront and striped down into bras and underwear; their message was that "not everybody needs to be like that in order to be attractive, in order to be awesome in general," said Jennifer Berger, Executive Director of About-Face.

I just love this idea. How wonderful to see the looks of joy and adventure on the faces of those protesting. This seems like the richest way to talk back to advertisements and ideologies we do not agree with—show the truth.

A healthy body image begins with embracing the bodies we have, not trying to fit the ideals created by others.

In line with that, South Bay mother promotes positive bodyimage with Facebook page, is another example of a woman staking claim to her beauty. Jessy Kissinger is a mom who started a Facebook page for moms to post pictures of themselves in their bikinis. No matter what size they wear.

Kissinger told KTVU she is happy and is looking forward to taking her two children to the beach this summer without wearing a cover-up.

Wouldn’t it be radical if we all felt so awesome about ourselves that what our bodies look like would not be our main concern? Just think about how much extra energy we would have for other adventures in life.

Feminist Stripper!

Photo of Feminist Stripper

I discovered a couple of interesting references to myself.

I've made the big time; I'm in Wikipedia. Pretty funny--that's the site I tell my students to never trust!

I'm included as a "Noted Feminist Stripper" for the Feminist Strippers category. I think I like that title.

Also, I feel enormously proud to be included with this list of amazing recommended women memoirists at Women For One.

Stripper Displays Her Large...Bills

For all you wanna-be strippers out there who read the Huffington Post's piece, Stripper Posts Picture Of Night's Tips To Reddit; Internet Asks, 'Where Do We Sign Up?',don't get all excited by this stripper's take...read the fine print!

"Menagerii" clearly states she worked a double (15 hours in heels, folks!) and that she doesn't usually earn that much.

But if you're interested in learning what it takes to be successful, here is her advice:

"You have to be in good shape, quick witted, confident, and have a pretty face. Everything else follows," she wrote.

I find it interesting to read people's comments following the articles written about this story. It seems most responses fall into one of a few categories: the snarky--Damn! I should be a stripper!, or the superior moralistic--Strippers are nothing more than whores!

I sit and ponder and really wonder...don't we all do some form of work for money, for pay? Why is using one's brain inherently better than using one's body?

The Oscars is full of boobs

Thank Heavens for Jezebel.

I am so thankful that Lindy West wrote Sexism Fatigue: When Seth MacFarlane Is a Complete Ass and You Don’t Even Notice for Jezebel.

West sums up my feelings about the Oscars after being pointed to what they consisted of by a friend.

Must-see video of the "We saw your boobs" song can be found on Youtube.

My favorite comment is probably from the Atlantic: 

What the jokes were, really, was stupid, boring, and empty: humor that relied less on its own patently sexist, racist, homophobic, etc. content than on admiration for or disgust with the host's willingness to deliver it. So much of comedy is about the shock of recognition, of seeing some previously unacknowledged truth suddenly acknowledged, but the only recognition MacFarlane offered was that some people say dumb things about other peoples' gender/racial/sexual identities. Which, of course, should not be shocking at all.

I guess it’s been a long time since I watched the Oscars and probably now a long time before I ever watch them again.

Should We All Drop Our Tops When We Want To Be Heard?

The Montserrat Moms Seated Together For A Publicity Photo (AP)

Two stories in the news have me questioning and really wondering what people think about stripping down as an act of defiance and attention-getting.

Inna Shevchenko, leader of women's movement Femen and “sextremist” discusses her organization’s latest stunt at Notre Dame in Femen's Blasphemy in Notre Dame. Femen is a group of women who strip topless to protest when they see injustices. Their latest performance was supposed to be a celebration of the resignation of the Pope and a rallying cry against the church.

I am one of the first to have issues with the Catholic church and its treatment of women, but at the same time it is a religion and I wouldn’t do something in a place that others hold sacred just to get my own agenda across. Their whole stunt feels tacky and self-serving.

Meanwhile, from Spain, comes another story with women stripping down in the name of something they believe in—Spanish moms strip down to save school bus: Skin to Win! by George Mallet.

“In Montserrat, Spain, 10 mothers are showing some serious skin in a sexy calendar being sold to raise money in the face of Spain's austerity measures. The proceeds are being used to restore a reduction in bus service for 600 elementary school students.”

So a bunch of moms weren’t about to stand around while their kids’ school bus was taken away and they did what they thought would raise the most funds—pose for a sexy calendar.

As all the attention both of these stories are receiving shows, sometimes just doing something in the buff can get you the publicity you want to get your side of things out there or save something you need.

So the questions remain…should nudity be used to get attention? Are there some cases where it’s more acceptable and some that are just too risqué and “morally” questionable? Or should we all just strip down when we want to be heard?

What if the stripping Columbia professor had been a woman?

There’s been a lot of buzz about a certain stripping down that happened at Columbia University; the story even made it to The Chronicle of Higher Education’s website: Columbia Freshmen Are Baffled by Physics Professor’s Stripped-Down Stunt by Charles Huckabee.

“First-year students in a “Frontiers of Science” course at Columbia University were shocked and confused on Monday when their professor, Emlyn Hughes, began what was to be a lecture on quantum physics by stripping to his shorts and changing clothes in front of them.”

After his performance, which included video footage of 9/11 and two people entering dressed in all black and stabbing at teddy bears with swords, Hughes states, "In order to learn quantum mechanics, you have to strip to your raw, erase all the garbage from your brain, and start over again."

Being an English major I have to admit I know nothing about quantum mechanics, but from what I can surmise, the professor was trying to shock and confuse students to prepare their minds for opening to what he was about to teach them.

I ‘m not surprised that so many people are balking at his teaching and thinking he’s just a loon and a liberal, but I would think the students would at least appreciate his creative approach.

Here’s a professor willing to look foolish to capture young minds’ interest. This is what lies at the heart of good teaching.

While I would probably never strip in front of a class because that would definitely be perceived differently if a woman did it and because of my background, I do silly things all the time to get the students’ interest (like singing in an opera voice to quiet the class down). It’s impossible to teach if you don’t have a student’s attention.

I am curious though how this dialogue would be different if the professor had been a woman. Would the stripping down and changing of clothes be thought of as more scandalous? Would she be accused of sexual harassment? Would she be accused of using her body to get what she wants? Would she be considered slutty and attention-seeking?

A Modest Proposal for the Page 3 Debate

For Preventing the Feminists of the World from Being a Burden to Men or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Public

For those not familiar with the UK’s tabloid the Sun, the Page 3 Girls are topless women whose photos appear in the daily paper. There have been numerous attempts made by women to rid the Sun of these women most famously by the campaign No More Page 3. 

With the latest headline news coverage of a tweet and its response I feel it is time to put an end to this matter of the Sun’s Page 3 Girls. I am referring to the article on The Huffington Post The Sun'sPage 3 Girls: Has Rupert Murdoch Hinted The End To Topless Feature? by Jessica Elgot.

In a Twitter response to Karen Mason, @Kazipooh, who said “@rupertmurdoch #nomorepage3 Seriously, we are all so over page 3 - it is so last century!”, Rupert Murdoch, @rupertmurdoch, said: “You maybe (sic) right, don't know but considering. Perhaps halfway house with glamorous fashionistas.”

With apologies to Jonathon Swift, who is so three centuries ago, I believe I may have an answer to the problem.

It is quite tiresome to turn on the news and listen to all the bedraggled, overweight feminists raging on about how photos of topless women in the media lead to the degradation of women and even possibly domestic violence.

I think we can all agree that the aging and let’s be frank, shall we, ugly women who think women should not expose themselves in newspapers are tedious and so out-of-touch with what young, beautiful women want. It is not even just these so-called “feminists” that I have a proposal for, but in fact, all women of the beauty ideal age that society deems pleasing to look at.

I have thought long and hard on this subject and believe that for women to truly learn their correct position in our society that not only should the Page 3 Girls not be removed from the Sun, but that they should, in fact, be added to every print publication in existence.

The number of women deemed attractive enough for print will dictate the number of pages needed to be added to publications, hence possibly causing the need for Page 4, 5 and 6 Girls at times.

I am assured by the number of tits-and-ass-loving gentlemen of our current society that there will be ample space for all women of the correct age to be photographed, which I will go out on a limb and suggest to be between the ages of 18 and 24.

I shall now therefore humbly propose my own thoughts, which I hope will not be liable to the least objection.

Every woman who comes of age in our society shall have to pass through a screening process of pre-selected men who will choose which women will be deemed attractive enough to be photographed topless and shared with popular culture for the betterment of male-kind and also for helping to concretize women’s proper place on the totem pole of gender hierarchy.

Many other advantages for our society will include: the reordering of our gender identities back into their rightful places, the reminder to women that men are the ones in charge of deciding who and what is considered beautiful, the monetary reward for the models who might go unemployed otherwise, the reassurance to men everywhere that their urge to see women half naked at their convenience is not only a right but a necessity.

I can think of no objection that could be raised to this proposal other than some incessant Twitter chats begun by uppity and uncooperative womyn who may argue that this proposal is sexist and degrading and that they cannot be made to strip for others’ enjoyment. To them I would say that any other recipes for redressing women’s complaints about sexism and female degradation have failed, often at the hands of women themselves: women cannot agree even that they themselves are beautiful, but rather write endless blogs of how to boost body image and self-esteem; feminists fight amongst themselves as to what is actually “feminist” or not; women wish to be seen as equal to men, but still insist on being the ones to bear children; the beauty industry is a multi-billion dollar industry that proves women are concerned about one thing and one thing only—becoming a Page 3 Girl.

I confess that I have no personal gain to be made from this proposal as I am way past the age of ideal beauty and would most definitely not pass muster with a pre-selected male committee deciding the value of my beauty.

Free Breasts Contest for Flat-Chested Women

Q102 radio station in Philly wants to help out an unfortunate woman this year. A woman unfortunate enough to have been dealt the serious blow of being small-breasted.

DO YOU NEED COSMETIC BREAST SURGERY? 

Are you looking to make some big changes in the New Year? Need a lift after the holidays? Then listen up! All you need to do is submit a tasteful picture of yourself showcasing your tiny ta-tas.

How fabulous is a contest like this for women’s self esteem? If you have small breasts, there must be something missing from your life. If you do not have the body of a porn star, there must be something wrong with you.

Photo of Q102 contestant

Who would pass up this opportunity for a new pair of free breasts?

As I flipped through the photos of the contestants I couldn’t help but notice how beautiful they already are.

Why must we continually push women to want to be something other than what they are?

While I think every woman needs to make her own choices for what is right for her, it still feels pretty disheartening for people to actively be implying that a woman’s body is flawed or somehow imperfect if it doesn’t match the standards of our culture.

When are we going to say enough is enough?

Celebrate Strength and Beauty, Not Plastic Surgery

Photo from www.Jezebel.com

I feel completely unnerved by reading I Can’t Stop Looking at These South Korean Women Who’ve Had Plastic Surgery by Dodai Stewart on Jezebel.

I thought that America would have the highest percentage of plastic surgeries in the world, but apparently not.

One in five women in Seoul have undergone some kind of procedure. Most popular: Eyelid surgery, to make the eyes "more Western," and getting your jawbone shaved or chiseled down for a less-square and more V-shaped look.

I find it hard to imagine happily living in a society where getting plastic surgery is considered on par with wearing makeup.

Yes, it is wonderful to feel beautiful, but at what price?

I want to raise my daughter to define her own beauty, to embrace her own sense of style and uniqueness. To do that, I must work on living that for myself every day.

I want to model for my daughter that I am not afraid or ashamed of who I am today or yesterday. Who I am is beautiful. Who she is, is beautiful.

We define for ourselves what is beautiful.

And with that said, I am happy to announce my new website’s, This Is My Beautiful, first beautiful woman--Cherry Red Rachy! 

Photo of Cherry Red Rachy

 Please share and help all women celebrate their inner and outer beauty!

Nadya Suleman Returns to Stripping

Phot of Nadya Suleman, Octomom, by Reality TV Magazine

Donna W. Martin writes for She Knows’ Reality TV Magazine: OctomomNadya Suleman Takes to the Stripper Pole, Again.

According to E! News, Suleman will return the pole Thursday Feb. 14 through Saturday Feb. 16 at T’s Lounge in West Palm Beach, Florida where she will give four 15 minute shows and bartend.

After Nadya Suleman’s foray into porn and stripping last year she seemed set up for awhile to take care of her children. Unfortunately, that money did not last long and she has now found herself needing to return to stripping once again to get off welfare.

Welcome to the wonderful world of stripping that I remember only too well.

When I first started stripping at eighteen I had a goal—save enough money to move to New York City to be an actress. I thought I would be stripping for only a year, but what happened instead was that stripping became my way of earning money when I felt I had no other options.

I would come and go back to it for over six years. I believe Suleman has fallen into the same trap, but on a larger scale, especially since she has so many children to take care of.

Once I had it in my mind that stripping was my fallback for fast cash, it was always there. Waiting. Calling me.

Photo of Sheila Hageman, aka Kirea

I cannot judge what Suleman feels she needs to do now because I know the feeling of thinking there is no other answer. And she is being offered a large sum of money, too, which would make this decision even more difficult.

Who are we to judge her choice when she sees returning to stripping for a few days as a way to care for her children? And who knows that we might not make the same choice if presented with it and in her situation?

And, perhaps, just perhaps, Suleman actually enjoys the attention and the acknowledgement of her worth even in a form that most people judge as wrong.

From Porn Star to Teacher to Unemployed

PHOTO BY ANTHONY PLASCENCIA, STAR PHOTO, FILE

A teacher, Stacie Halas, has been let go from her job in California because of her porn past. This has been an ongoing story for the past year.

“An eighth-grade teacher in Oxnard who appeared in adult films for the money before she became a teacher was deemed unfit to teach, a three-member panel of California state administrative judges has ruled,” reported NBC News.

In this day of the Internet how do say our past is past when our “past” can still be purchased on the web? Is it fair to judge people for what they did in the past when what they want to do in the present is teach?

I guess it’s not about fair, but about what people perceive about our pasts.

Being a porn actress is not illegal, so why should it take away the opportunity to do good in the present?

I obviously can see how it could be distracting for students to know they can see photos of their teacher naked, but these are middle-school students. They shouldn't be surfing the web for porn at this age.

And if they do happen to see their teacher naked, so what? If Ms. Halas is willing to deal with this added burden as she teaches, why should it be a matter to fire her for?

If it’s true that she lied about her past, I can’t say that I blame her. She was probably just trying to avoid this situation.

For all I know, I may not have received certain teaching jobs because of my past and my vocal-ness of discussing it.

Do you think ex-porn actors and models should be allowed to teach?

This Is My Beautiful Website Launch

Photo of Sheila Hageman by Keyvan Behpour

Introducing my new website project--This Is My Beautiful.

This Is My Beautiful is a safe space to share and celebrate our diverse beauty as women, a place to proudly say to the world—This Is My Beautiful!

We live in a world where what is considered to be female beauty is often predetermined and shaped for our consumption. Let’s change that by celebrating beauty in all its shapes, sizes, colors and subtle nuances.

Break the cycle of body shame and self-hatred!

Our life stories and dreams can be found in both our inner and outer beauty. There is nothing wrong with celebrating our physical beauty—our outer uniqueness! And we all are beautiful.

We need practice as women saying This Is My Beautiful and I’m proud. Too often we believe it’s egotistical to recognize and discuss what makes us beautiful on the outside. Sayings like “Beauty is only skin deep” lead us to think that being aware of our outer beauty is shallow and rude. But if we look around ourselves we are able to see and celebrate beauty in others and the world.

A beautiful sunset can remind us of a deeper beauty that lies beneath the outer container. Physical beauty can represent the beauty, the love, the passion that lies inside our hearts and souls.

Capture your beautiful, your sexy, your confidence. Nourish your soul by proclaiming to the world that you are allowed to own your beauty. Let’s affirm for each other our Beautifuls that may never have been noticed or affirmed before.

Share a photo of yourself where you exhibit your beautiful and tell us why the photograph creates that feeling for you. It can be a close-up of one of your toes or a long shot of you standing holding your child—whatever photograph you look at and feel proud, happy and in love with yourself in some way.

Please visit This Is My Beautiful and share your photo and story today!

Not Over Until the Fat Lady Sings (Or Strips)

An excerpt from Stephanie Howell’s essay Stripper Role Sparks Artist's Body Acceptance on Women’s enews is going to be my inspiration for the New Year.

Howell explains how when she was cast as a fat stripper in Gypsy that she couldn’t “escape” anyone or her body. There were mirrors, actors, audiences and she was forced to deal with her “fat” body.

“It was through performing Mazeppa and embracing fearlessness that I was able to construct a new understanding of "fat" and the "performance of fatness" in my live performances. I made the conscious decision that I didn't have to hate my body anymore. I didn't have to hide my body anymore--I didn't have to be ashamed of my fatness. That's not to say that newfound acceptance of my fat body happened overnight--it didn't. This was a slow, slow process. A slow process that began with me being grateful that I had a working and functional body--I hadn't damaged my physical body through my own abuse.”

I think when we focus on body acceptance we want it to be an instant fix, but as Howell points out, a change like this takes time to really take hold.

“Through this appreciation, I was able to see my body in a different light. Fat didn't mean "bad," "unworthy," "unlovable" or "undesirable." I began wearing clothing that fit close to my body. I wanted people to see my fatness. I would no longer be invisible. This appreciation of my fatness sparked my professional work.”

This sense of acceptance is what I strive for everyday. An acceptance of my less than perfect parts.

I wonder if stripping, in its literal sense, is a healthy act for women in this context. If we could all be forced to play the role of a stripper and end up having such a positive experience afterwards, it would be totally worth it.

Erotic Ballerina Addicted to Drugs Finds Memoir

From xo Jane: Caitlin Thomas writes in WHAT IT'S REALLYLIKE: I'M A DRUG-ADDICTED STRIPPER: Empowerment comes in the front door when I can make rent in a singular evening. Yet, it leaves through the back door when I blow it all on pills.

I like this woman’s honesty, but it does make me wonder what the correct response is from the reader.

Should we be happy that she’s coherent enough to string together words?

Should we rub our hands together with glee because we knew all along that strippers were all a bunch of druggies?

Should we think it’s so cool and edgy to write about one’s own vices while in the midst of them with that oh-so-cooler-than-thou-attitude of superiority?

Or do we examine the role of memoir as it is used here to hopefully enable this woman to see her demons out in the open and perhaps start dealing with them before it is too late?

Personal writing can be used to help people in the midst of traumatic experiences process the experience and see it for what it is. Thomas’ simple act of reflecting on her experience, which she admits is stereotypical in most people’s eyes, will hopefully allow her to understand herself better and deeper. 

Stripping Down: A Memoir - Free for Kindle!

Pink Fish Press is doing a special holiday giveaway of all their titles. 

If you don't have my memoir, Stripping Down, here's your chance to get it for free for Kindle! 

Here's a look at all the other great titles from Pink Fish Press!

Just head over to Amazon and they all can be yours for free!

TAKING FLIGHT

      by Adrian R. Magnuson  

Jeremy Walsh's parents assume he's been abducted by the elderly man he met on a cross-country flight, but it's the other way around.   

Share in the journey of two unlikely companions who meet in midair: 13-year-old Jeremy, sent against his will by his career-absorbed father to spend the summer with his bipolar mother in New York, and Harry Herndon, elderly, one-legged and afflicted with mid-stage Alzheimer's, who escapes the confinement of home for what may be his last adventure. Outcasts of sorts, they begin their cross-country getaway, trailed by Harry's wife and Jeremy's parents, each of whom threaten to cut their journey short. The story that follows is a race against time and circumstance as the two quickly bond over their mutual love of birding while experiencing the joys and growing pains of Taking Flight in their own, very different, ways.

STRIPPING DOWN

      by Sheila Hageman

"I feel the weight of the hammer from the dusty workbench in my sweaty palm and hit the padlock. My heart thumps in my bony chest. I listen for the humming sound of my mother's car backing into the driveway. I hit again. I listen. The lock pops open."  

At twelve years old, everything changed for Sheila with the discovery of her estranged father's porn collection. Found locked away in a corner of the basement, the glossy images ignite in her an unrelenting desire for attention and adoration. Now, reflections on her past as a stripper permeate her thoughts as she takes on the new roles of mother, caregiver and wife. While helping her baby daughter take her first steps, she nurses her mother through the final stages of breast cancer. This powerful and beautiful story is a moving meditation on a woman's life through her body, motherhood and loss.  

Spiraling through memories and torn between the woman she is becoming and the woman she has been, Sheila Hageman is continually Stripping Down.

THESE THINGS I KNOW

      by Jessica Karbowiak

Jessica Karbowiak's beautiful short stories and essays chronicle the narrator's growth from a space of victimization, to observer and ultimately redemption. Its theme of learning how to live in the world covers the author's own personal tragedies, historical accounts, surreal short stories on acceptance and self-worth and finally becoming whole—even as a damaged creature.  

The collection is gorgeous, challenging, peculiar and experimental. As much about the writing as the narrative, the author bends perception by lyrically manipulating her words and their meanings into a unique reading experience. These Things I Know is equal parts art piece, narrative and memoir, and will fill readers with a sense of wonder and hope as they turn each page.

NO ONE EVER ASKED ME THAT: Conversations on the Afterlife

      by Catherine Levison

What are the purposes of imagination? Catherine Levison was intrigued by topics like this from an early age. Seeking more meaningful conversations, she developed a series of questions to bypass small talk and enable others to speak comfortably on deep issues. Not only did her approach generate unforgettable conversations, it had a profound effect on those she spoke with. This book compiles interviews, held over the course of more than a decade with a diverse group of people, from monks, to teachers, to dish washers. The results are thought-provoking, often surprising and you will find yourself wondering why no one ever asked you that.

GUIDEBOOK FOR WORKING WITH SMALL INDEPENDENT PUBLISHERS

      By Terry Persun

There are only a handful of corporate publishers and literally thousands of independent presses. For authors looking to publish, the choices can be daunting. This guidebook explains the pros and cons of making the choice to work with small publishers, explains the independent press process, and offers a valuable sample marketing plan. With years of publishing experience, author Terry Persun helps navigate the world of small, independent publishers in this concise and illuminating guidebook.

Exposing Family Secrets

Here's a link to my appearance on CBS 2's NY News the other night: Can Exposing Family Secrets Help The Healing Process?.