Soul Speak Interview

I'm very honored and humbled to have been interviewed by Juno Cristi for Soul Speak.

Soulspeak is a new segment on this blog where I'll be featuring stories of folks from all over the world, folks like you and me, folks who are out there making a difference in today's world--- just positive, warm, individuals dedicated to uplifting the world with their craft and spirit, each one a driving force for change. Create and connect with the collective! Good news! Good times! Good vibes!

She helped me to reconnect to my feelings of gratitude for the life I am living.

Please check out the interview and support her endeavors.

Picking My Battles (I Keep Forgetting)

This morning was off to a decent start. My sinus infection was the least horrendous it’s been in a week and a half. I was ready to battle the day.

The kids were actually in the kitchen ready to get their shoes on at 8:30. And then the trouble began.

I guess my son’s Lightning McQueen sneakers are a wee bit big on him, so he likes to wear them on the wrong feet because he says they feel better that way.

Well, he wanted me to put them on for him this morning and I tried to put them on the right feet. Big mistake.

Screaming. Throwing of sneakers.

“If you want them on the wrong feet, then you need to put them on yourself.”

“No! You do it!”

Enter Dad.

“You’re going to put them on the right feet. It’s bad for your feet the other way.”

And I guess his patience was worn from the constant whining and complaining from my son over the last few weeks, so he picked up Cole, put him on his lap, and tried getting his sneakers on the right feet.

At this point, his coat is soaked with tears, his glasses are mucky. And the old sinus pressure? Kicking up a notch.

All forms of logic—don’t you want to be able to run fast? Don’t you want to be comfortable? Not effective.

Now there’s kicking and flailing. The inevitable carry to the car and trying to hold him down to strap him into the car seat. But he’s got wiggly hips and I’m losing my calmness.

“I want my shoes on the wrong feet!”

I could use a tissue and some more Tylenol at this point.

Then I have him standing outside with no shoes on. More screaming. More me about to scream. Carry him inside with no shoes on.

“I want my gloves!”

Yes, here are gloves. Yes, the screaming stops. We walk outside, with no shoes. I strap him into his seat. I hand him his sneakers.

My daughter’s been sitting in her seat patiently this whole time. I start driving. Swing my head around to see Cole’s big eyes magnified in his new glasses. His feet in the wrong shoes.

“Look! A big yellow dump truck!” I point out.

There are bigger battles to worry about.

Are wrong shoes on feet really a big deal?

Dangerous Hobbies with the Kids

Menna Pritchard scales Three Cliffs Bay on the Gower peninsula with Ffion onboard 

This photo that goes along with the article, When it’s best to leave baby behind: A poster-girl for anti-cottonwool kids or the ultimate in maternal selfishness?, by Judith Woods on The UK’s Telegraph made me gulp a little extra hard.

Menna Pritchard is a rock-climber and apparently wants to include her child in her hobby. While I think it’s great she’s trying to find a way to combine mothering and hobbies, this might not be the safest decision. Especially when you note that Mom has on a helmet, but toddler doesn’t.

“Pritchard, 26, who is studying outdoor education, has said she regrets the fact that two-year-old Ffion wasn’t wearing a hard hat, although she also pointed out that this particular ascent at Three Cliffs Bay on the Gower peninsula near Swansea was so easy-peasy it didn’t, strictly speaking, require one. But any second thoughts about carrying her child up the cliff? Not a bit of it.

So does that make Pritchard a heroic poster-girl for the anti-cottonwool kids campaign? Or is she a marrow-chilling example of maternal selfishness?”

Woods goes on to describe the horrible accident that occurred in 1995 when a mother died on a treacherous mountain climb leaving behind young children.

“The prevailing opinion was that, as a mother, she had a duty of care not just to her children, but to herself…It must be noted that, by contrast, fathers who engage in dangerous activities come in for relatively little opprobrium. It would seem that in the popular imagination pursuits as diverse as skydiving, polar expeditions, insane Atlantic crossings in ever more unsuitable craft and fighting on the frontline with the Armed Forces fall under the all-encompassing rubric of “a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do”.”

So where does the answer lie for mothers wishing to pursue dangerous hobbies? Should fathers feel free to risk life and limb, but not mothers?

I would have to think that I would vote on the side of safety. If I was into mountain climbing, I would not stop following my passion. But I don’t think I would drag my child along with me.

We’re all going to die sometime and while I don’t want moms rushing to a premature grave, I don’t want them to hold themselves back from living their lives fully either. After considering the risks and benefits, I’d think you would make the choice that made the most sense.

And while I think it’s lovely to show an amazing mountain view to a child, I’m just not sure if it’s worth risking life and limb for.

What do you think? Would you include your child in a potentially dangerous hobby?

Federal Job Agency Offers Stripper Position

The Local, France’s News in English, reports “A 53-year-old former teacher was less than thrilled to receive an email from Pôle Emploi, the French government-run jobs agency, proposing a position stripping in a local nightclub.”

Uh, yeah, I would be upset, too, if I were her.

Danièle Casadamont said, "If Pôle Emploi is suggesting we go naked for money, where's it going to end?"

The job agency felt it had nothing to apologize for because it was a machine that sent the email.

"There's no problem," said Pascal Blain to regional newspaper Midi Libre. "The offer is completely legal and there's nothing discriminatory. This lady received it because she has subscribed to job offers proposed in her region."

It does seem kind of odd that a federal job agency would be sending out notices about stripping jobs.

The former teacher summed it up pretty well: "The image of women is so mistreated today," Casadamont said. "It's time to stop asking us to drop our pants."

What do you think? Would you feel offended if your country’s job agency sent you a stripper job posting?

Fix the Banana

It’s kind of like a new show—Pimp My Banana, but then again, no, it’s not.

My three-year-old has not lost his terrible twos now that he is three, unfortunately. In fact, I’d say, he’s simply perfected them and made them into the threatening threes.

He screams, whines, cries at the littlest discomfort. You know, like when I don’t get every last crumb of granola scooped out of his bowl before we pour in the Cinnamon Munchies. Or when I tell him it’s time to put our socks on our feet, not our hands, when it’s time for school.

But this morning’s latest meltdown shines the light on how absurdly a three-year-old’s brain can work. (Yes, I know it’s not absurd, I mean, he’s three, but I digress…)

I told him he could have a banana—a whole banana—once he had on his coat and shoes for school. Well, with a bit more cajoling, he did finally put the aforementioned items on the correct body parts.

That’s where Dad comes in. He did not know that the agreement was for an entire banana, thus he peeled half a banana and broke off a chunk and tried to get away with giving our son just that one piece.

Oh, no.

The screams. The cries.

“Well, do you want this piece instead?” I ask as I hand him the banana still cloaked in skin.

“No, fix the banana! Fix the banana!” he shouts as boogers pool in his nostrils.

“I can’t do that, honey,” I say and even demonstrate that banana pieces will not restick themselves together.

I try all the tricks—offer him both halves, say it’s this or nothing, try to distract him with Lightning McQueen, but alas, the crying, it continues.

Finally, my husband scoops him up to walk out the door, “Here, take the banana.” He puts one piece in each hand, my son takes a deep breath, “Ok.” And they’re out the door.

Ah, motherhood. And bananas.

Mothers Taking Care of Ourselves

A happy family moment, but what do you do when everyone is screaming?

A story on Jot Zoom reports: Mother Of Three Posts Suicide Note on Facebook Before Killing Herself.

“It seems that socializing networks are now an easy way for suicidal people to share their last wishes with their friends and family, as Cynthia Lee from Michigan, a 23 year old mother of three proves by posting a suicide note on her Facebook wall before she committed suicide.”

Stories like these just make my heart break because I can understand. I can put myself in this woman’s shoes so easily.

I’m lucky enough to be in a healthy relationship and have supportive family and friends, but if I didn’t? Raising three children in this day and age is a monumental task regardless if one is a stay-at-home mom, working mom, or some combination of the two.

The pressure to be a good mom and also have one’s own life and interests can be too much for some women.

I know I’ve been so stressed out when all three kids are having issues that it does feel overwhelming and like too much too handle. This is why it is so important that as moms we always have someone we can reach out to.

I encourage all moms who know they sometimes get stressed out to know who they will contact when they start feeling overwhelmed.

Call that person today and let them know that they will be your point-person if you need help. Then make a note for yourself in a prominent place that when you feel overwhelmed, you will pick up the phone and dial this person’s number.

It’s good to be prepared in advance. Know what you will do when you start feeling overwhelmed.

Let’s take care of ourselves and help other mothers to do the same.

"Strippers" From Long Ago

I love the photos on this blog: Exotic dancers of late XIX-th century.

“While in France they kept the can-can burlesque, in America developed all the subspecies of exotic dance performed by women: belly dance, dance on the table (the prototype strip) and other original productions. Each dancer had a pseudonym, and quite often a unique costume. Most of the photographs made in the last decade, the XIX-th century.”

The braveness and candidness of these photos are amazing for the time.

And look at those bodies—womanly and proud. Of course, a few of them look like they were suffering from the body image madness of their times with teeny-tiny waists.

I wonder what the next crazy body image demand will be…

Letters From Men Who Go To Strip Clubs

This is an interesting project by journalist and blogger Susannah Breslin that’s making headlines in Salon and Time.

Breslin has added a new blog to her repertoire of “letters” from men. In “LETTERS FROM MEN WHO GO TO STRIP CLUBS,” she asks strip club customers: Why do you go to strip clubs? And then she posts their anonymous musings.

I was going to say, I have to admit, I’m surprised by the men’s well-thought answers. But then I realized, of course, there is only a certain type of strip club customer who would take the time to write an anonymous musing on why they go strip clubs.

We’re only going to see one very select view of the customers. The men who feel strip clubs calm some savage beast within them, or serve to satisfy some deep, psychological need.

The average guys who spend too many hours to count in their local clubs are too busy passing out dollar bills to pick up a pen.

Your Stripper is Overdue

The Ottawa Sun reports that The Ottawa Public Library is piloting a program called the Human Library on Jan. 28.

“The library is partnering with the CBC and the Canadian War Museum to loan out people as ‘human books’.

“Real People. Real Conversations. Talk to people one-on-one about their diverse experiences.””

So you can check out all kinds of people for some conversation including: paramedic, firefighter, judge, hooker, and, of course, stripper.

I think it’s awesome that the program is offering such an eclectic offering of human books. It would be a shame if the only reads available were your typical job-fair or bring-your-parent-to-school type jobs.

Perhaps this is a way to legitimatize the work that all people do.

Man's Greatest Fantasy: Stripper With Heart of Gold!

Screen Junkies highlights movies starring “Strippers with Hearts of Gold.”


I’m not sure if I agree with writer Gregory Wakeman that “Cinema has often looked to honor these characters...” though.

It seems more to me that Hollywood bigwigs like to make movies with strippers in them to draw in an audience. And then the studio heads are drawn to the scripts that fantasize strippers as not only totally hot, but also amazing humans.

That way, a man can fulfill his absolute desire—to have a woman who is sexually adventurous and also a real sweetheart and someone you would actually want to bring home to mom during the day. But once nighttime comes—watch out! She’s ripping off that bodice!

Seven-Year-Old Body Image

Two different friends pointed me to this excellent piece by Janell Hoffmann “Mom, I’m Fat:” One Mother’s Inspired Response to Her 7 Year Old on Rachel Simmons’ website.

In the essay, Hoffman reacts just as I believe I would if my daughter said those words. She’d dumbfounded; she’s done everything right in raising her to love herself just the way she is. She tries to talk her way through the issue with her daughter but finally feels out of words.

That’s when she does what I have resorted to in similar type situations; she strips off her own clothing and makes up a silly song.

““We are perfect, just the way we are.” It’s wild and silly, but I cannot be stopped. We’re shaking everything, and she’s belly laughing and totally thrilled. I pick her up. We are a ridiculous and magnificent pair. The other kids hear the commotion and barge in. They are confused and horrified. I carry her to the bedroom raving about all the ways we are powerful and naked and women. We settle into comfy pajamas and read a story together. Fat is not mentioned again.

On this night, I have no idea if I have succeeded. I’m not sure if what I said and did had an impact, if I fixed anything, or even if I changed her mind. But I do know that I must continue to infuse myself and my children with bold confidence. I must check in, ask questions, take the time. I must build and undo. I must be open and genuine. I must but willing to dance naked in the mirror, resist the urge to see all the ways five babies have changed me, and stare straight into my reflection with love. Then together, with a twinkle in our eyes, we only see radiance shining back.”

To me, this is what we must do as mothers of girls. We must improvise and respond to the situations presented to us. We must be honest and open. We must be willing to strip down our own inhibitions about our imperfect bodies and learn how to embrace ourselves as we teach our daughters to do the same.

Does the World Really Need a Stripper "Reality" Show?

Madame Noire’s Editor expresses her feelings about the possibility of a new reality show coming to VH1 about the Miami strip club King of Diamonds—to summarize, she’s not looking forward to it.


A dancer there, Blac China, who appeared in the rapper Tyga’s video for “Rack City” may be the star of the show.

“And if the show will be anything like the “Rack City” video, which features some exotic dancing entertainment, you’ll be subjected to a whole lot of booty shots, pole twirling and thirsty (I’m talking DEHYDRATED) guys going gaga at the club.”

The Editor points out that she has nothing against the ladies working there, but she doesn’t see any good of bringing this show to television. And I would have to agree.

I’m not against strippers stripping obviously, but if this just becomes the next new reality show to go mainstream I think we’re heading down a bumpy road.

I mean, what age women watch VH1?

I’m sure there’s going to be a whole lot of the glamorization of stripping presented without a hefty dose of the reality behind the dancers’ lives. Except of course when it leads to drama and catfights and all those other stripper stereotypes you can think of.

I fear that the show will be edited to convince people that all the stereotypes they have about strippers are true.

I’ve got news for you world—they’re not.

A New Low--Stripper Fighting

I find this news bit on TMZ disturbing—Lil’ Wayne happily watched a new “sport,” otherwise known as stripper fighting.

At the Miami club King of Diamonds he lounged ringside as two supposed strippers punched each other. Then he awarded the winner $1,000 in singles.

Is this really what people find entertaining?

What ABout Us Average Women?

The Daily Mail’s Tamara Abraham reports on an article in PLUS Model Magazine that claims “Most runway models meet the BMI criteria for anorexia.”

“A magazine dedicated to plus-size fashion and models has sparked controversy with a feature claiming that most runway models meet the Body Mass Index criteria for anorexia.

Accompanied by a bold shoot that sees a nude plus-size model posing alongside a skinny 'straight-size' model, PLUS Model Magazine says it aims to encourage plus-size consumers to pressure retailers to better cater to them, and stop promoting a skinny ideal.”

I applaud the magazine’s photo shoot that spotlights size 12 model Katya Zharkova, 28, with a “regular” size model to show the discrepancy in their bodies.

The photos are accompanied by remarks made about women and body image, such as “Twenty years ago the average fashion model weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today, she weighs 23% less.”

The expose does a great job of highlighting what an extreme there is between a “regular” model and a “plus size” model.

What this experiment on body image seems to bring to light for me is that we are missing most in the media is the middle ground.

We need to see more average-size women, not just skinny or curvy—what about the mass majority of women who just fall into that middle zone? What should we be called? “Average” models?

Why can’t we just see a mix of ALL sizes in magazines? Why does it have to be skinny or plump?

We will have achieved success in body image when we open a magazine and see photos of all sizes of women mixed together in a normal fashion magazine rather than women being separated into categories of this and that extreme.

How can we put more pressure onto fashion magazines and media to more accurately represent the full array of women’s beauty?

Breast Cancer Awareness

Giuliana Rancic has become a poster child for breast cancer awareness since being diagnosed this past year. She was very candid with letting her television audience know what was going on.


She made the decision to have a double mastectomy for the one percent chance that the cancer might return. And then she returned to work two weeks later.

A piece in the Huff Post quotes Giuliana Rancic at the Television Critics Association press tour: "I don't give two shits about my breasts. I didn't care that at the Golden Globes, I wouldn't be able to show cleavage.”

I’m glad Rancic is being so open about discussing her situation. She stands in a position to help other women make a difficult decision.

I’ve often look back and wondered if my mother had had a mastectomy when she was first diagnosed if she would still be here with us today.

I’d much rather be alive and breastless than the alternative.

How do you think you would face a breast cancer diagnosis?

Our Pasts Follow Us

Another example of a teacher being penalized for her past—Pumps Magazine reports that former New York City teacher Melissa Petro, was forced to resign because of her past employment choices.


Apparently, Petro worked not only as a stripper, but also as a prostitute, but she quit long before she started teaching.

Now Petro will be appearing in Penthouse’s February issue in a spread with the clichéd naughty school teacher theme.

Petro supposedly feels good about reverting back to her old line of work: “A part of me likes being exposed — the more exposed the better.”

What is it about our culture that makes people want to expose so much? Do we all want to be seen so badly that we look for ways to get ourselves out there no matter what?

And is my becoming a writer just another way to expose myself? Just now with words instead of clothes?

Can You Spell E-x-h-i-b-i-t-i-o-n-i-s-t?!

John Semley from AV Club Toronto exposes the latest stripping niche—spelling and stripping!


I give you the Toronto Strip Spelling Bee created by Montreal author Sherwin Sullivan Tjia.

This competitive event that happens whenever the author feels like it sounds like an event I could really get behind (a little tushie joke there!). It’s such an interesting mix of sexy and smart.

Tija explains in the interview that some of the people who attend are exhibitionists, but there are others who just need a little prodding to have fun. And it’s all in good sport—people only strip down to their underwear.

I love the concept of nudging people into fun. This is how Tija describes it:

“What I’ve discovered is that there are people that want to show their bodies to the world. But if you ever told them to do a striptease, they would say, “No.” They’d feel vain, or that people would judge them. But within the framework of a spelling bee, where you’re forced to do this when you get a word wrong, but they’re also orchestrating it—it’s like ... I went to art school because I didn’t have the discipline to be self-propelling at the time. Sometimes you need people to crack the whip, to get you to do the things you really want to do.”

And my favorite part? Usually when the still-clothed winner comes to collect their trophy, they usually strip down anyway.

Gap Kids' Booty Shorts!

I learned about theses sequined shorts available now at Gap Kids from Jezebel.

It’s so fascinating to troll comments on subjects like this because I know what I’m going to see before I even begin scrolling through.

I know there are going to be the moms who are outraged at the inappropriateness and other moms who are going to be like—Oh! How cute!

There are going to be those who shout in all caps—HOW DARE GAP DRESS OUR LITTLE GIRLS LIKE STRIPPERS?!

And don’t forget the requisite practical—It’s all just marketing; the head honchos translating grown-up clothes into mini-versions for kids.

So where does the average, level-headed mom fall?
Well, if that mom is me, which I’m not sure she is, I would say what I notice is all my forty-year-old woman baggage coming up.

The first thing that jumped out to me was the owl shirt the shorts are teamed up with along with the tag line—sequins are a hoot!

My mind went immediately to the restaurant Hooters! But, trust me, that’s my mind, not where my daughter’s mind would go.

She would just be like—Oh! Pretty! Sequined shorts and an owl shirt!

And I guess I’d fall into the middle-zone on this. How short are they? With tights they’d probably be cute and fine. But, no, I’m not rushing out to buy these for my daughter, but do I feel there’s some evil plan out there by the Gap executives to over-sexualize my daughter? Nah—probably not.

They’re probably just marketing what they think will sell. And little girls like sequins—not dressing like strippers.

Would you let your daughter wear sequined short-shorts?

Huffington Post Blogging!

I'm happy to announce that I'll be blogging for The Huffington Post!

Check out my blogger page, become a fan, and please post comments on my blog!

Thanks everyone!

More Women Considering Stripping in Down Economy

The Huffington Post UK’s Lucy Sherriff asks how far someone might go to find a job in Student Jobs Over Christmas: From Hamley's Elf To Stripper.

She spoke to two college students who took very different job routes over the holidays—one paying minimum wage as an elf and one paying lots of cold, hard cash for dancing in her skivvies.

Hannah, the 19-year-old student from Sheffield University, who started stripping, is making £400-£500 a night.

Is it any surprise that there are going to be many young women who turn to stripping when faced with this financial dilemma?

The concern becomes when stripping is something that they really don’t feel comfortable with, as Hannah expressed.

"I would hate for anyone to find out as I am quite ashamed - and it would ruin any chance of having a respectable career in the future. But I just can't afford to turn down that much money."

Before strapping on stilettos and pole dancing, women need to consider all the possible risks involved by examining their motivations and morals for the job.